Hayden & Dean: A Supernatural Love Story
by supernaturaldixon
Summary: When Hayden moves from Manhattan to Kansas, she thought her complicated life would slow down. Little does she know, hanging out with Dean Winchester will make things more complicated then ever before.
1. Chapter 1: Hook-Up

I wake up under the covers. I roll over and see a man lying on his stomach sound asleep. I follow the V down his back to where the blanket lies covering him up, with one leg out of the sheets. The dimples above his back leave me breathless and I turn away in case he wakes up and catches me staring at his ass. I slowly get out of the bed putting my feet softly on the ground. I tip toe to the bathroom and close the door. I look in the mirror and my eyes widen with horror and disgust. My eyeliner is smeared under my eyes like a raccoon and my hair is knotted. I find a comb under the sink and brush out what I can in only a few moments. I clean up my face with crappy soup, and take a swig of mouth wash they leave for guests. I walk back out and start to dress. I decided against waking him up and just leave. I put on my first red high heel, and when I go I reach for the other I hear a groan. I pause and wait for him to move but he doesn't. I put my other shoe on and walk out as quietly as I can. I find a cab idling near the motel and take it back to my apartment.

Later that night I get ready and head out to work. The Cavern is a popular local bar in Lebanon, Kansas. I moved here 4 months ago from New York to escape the city life I grew up in, leaving everything behind. I get behind the bar and start making drinks and serving beer to the customers. Most are locals, some are travelers passing through. As I'm mixing a drink I hear the bar door open and I already know, it's him. I continue making my drink slowing down so I don't have to turn around as quickly and meet his gaze just yet. When finished, I bring the drink to the customer and walk over to where he is sitting at the bar. He tilts his head up a little and smirks. His green eyes shine even in the dark bar lighting.

"Hello Hayden" he says still smirking.

"Hi Dean" I return grabbing a beer and passing it over to him. He takes a sip with the same smirk staying on his face.

"How'd you know I would want a beer?" He asks titling it towards me. I smile at him as I toss the cap behind me into the trash without missing.

"Well, I can't just tell you my secrets" I tease him with a wink and leave to attend another customer. I stay on edge the entire time he is there. My heart beats faster each time I go over to him. A little while passes and I know he needs another drink. I walk over to where he is shooting darts and bring another beer. I pick up the empty one and turn on my heels when he grabs my waist to turn me around. I feel my heart stop. We are a foot away from one another and his hands rest easily on the bones around my waist.

"This will be it for tonight" he says before letting go of me. I nod my head with a slight grin and turn slowly away. I feel his eyes on me as I walk behind the bar. I dispose of the old bottle and step into the back. I fall against the wall and lower myself onto the floor to try and control my heart rate. We've been flirting for weeks and last night was the first night we left together. The sex was amazing. He knew how to move and didn't need any type of direction. The whole world melted away when I was with him. I compose myself and brush the hair behind my ears. When I go back inside, the beer I brought out to him is sitting there half empty. I walk over to collect it and find a napkin with scribbles. "Take 2? I'll be waiting when you get off." I crumple the paper napkin and smile. The rest of the night went by slowly as I anticipated another amazing night. After closing and cleaning up, it's finally time to leave. I look at the clock and its 4 a.m. I lock up the front door and walk outside. I look around for Dean but don't see him anywhere. Disappointed, I walk around to the back to head back to my apartment. As I pass the door I hear a familiar voice, "About time." It's deep but soft. I turn my head and see a familiar silhouette standing against the door. I walk over to him confidently on the outside but trembling on the inside. "Why did you cut out so quickly this morning?" I'm asked when our faces are barely lit to one another from the moon.

I pull at my skirt and stop a few steps away from him. "Oh, you know" I say not really knowing the answer.

"No, I don't." He says back pulling me closer and swinging me around, putting my back against the wall. I brush up against the bricks gently and he kisses my neck. I grab his waist and pull him closer. We end up in the back of his car. He grabs protection out of the glove box and I laugh. He gives me a look "what?" His eyes searching mine for an answer.

"Nothing, you have them in your car. It's just typical." I say helping him put it on.

"Well what's about to happen won't be typical" he moans and thrusts. After, I lay there on top of him. He's propped against the door and looks at me. I pull myself up and grab my clothes. As I try to dress he pulls my arm down "what's the rush for now?" He asks seductively, pulling at my top I'm trying to put on.

"It's 630 in the morning. The sun is about to rise." I explain looking at the clock. He nods his head letting go of my shirt and grabs his own. After getting dressed I go to step out of his car and head home for some rest.

"I can give you a ride" he says before I step out.

I look at him and after a second "I'm not sure you should know where I live." I tease. He laughs a little and starts the car.

"Where am I going?" He asks. I shut the door and give him directions. The ride is silent. I unbuckle the seat belt and get out of the car. I lean into the open window "see you around D" I say with a wink and walk away. The car peels out of the parking lot with the fading sounds of an AC/DC song. I walk up the 6 flight of stairs to my apartment and unlock the door. I throw last nights clothes in a pile and hop into the shower. After, when I'm lying in bed all I can think about is him kissing me, touching me, caressing me. I knew I was in trouble.


	2. Chapter 2: Unknown

I don't see Dean again for a couple more weeks. He comes walking in with 2 other guys. They sit at the bar and I go over to them. Dean will usually get a glass of something straight, like whiskey. I pull out a glass and he looks at me with a glare "3 beers" he says nodding his head to confirm it. I open them and pass them over. I toss the caps into the trash and replace the glass. Dean takes his beer and walks towards the pool table, the other 2 men follow him. Dean only talks to me over the next hour only to order drinks. I get off early and hanging around with Dan another bartender who got off early, being slow for a weekday. We play some darts and drink beers. I don't go over to Dean and enjoy the time with my friend. Around last call one of the guys who arrived with Dean comes over to us. He's wearing a trench coat and blue tie.

"You're very beautiful" he says with a slur, passing over a beer. I accept and take a sip with a small smile.

"Thank you" I say blushing in return. He stands there awkwardly. "Wanna shoot with us?" I motion towards the dart board.

"Shoot in here? That doesn't seem safe." He says looking confused.

"Darts, shoot darts. At the dart board." I try to explain. At that moment Dean comes over to we're we are standing.

"Sorry about my friend, he might of had one too many. Let's go Cas!" He says trying to pull him away.

"Wait, what's your name?" He gets out still getting pulled back. I look over at Dean who's not answering

"Hayden" I say smiling to him "thanks for the beer Cas" I get out using the same Dean called him by as they walk out the door. I leave a little while later and start walking home. As I'm walking down the street a bright light shines behind me and pulls up slowly besides me.

"Hey there darling, where you off too?" I hear a voice hollering out of the car. I turn to look and see a man who was at the bar earlier idling behind me. I ignore him and continue walking. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" He hollers out. I start to pick up my walk. I can hear the car behind me still so I put my hand in my purse and switch the safety off of my gun. "Don't ignore me bitch!" The car stops and I hear a door slam. I turn around, swinging my pistol out of the bag and aim towards the car. Just as I aim I see the man getting pushed into his car and knocked onto the ground.

"Watch your mouth, you son of a bitch!" a familiar tone rings out. The man tries to get up but can't. "I better not see your face again" Dean threatens him with one last kick to the stomach. He turns to me and my gun is still raised. He waits for me to lower it and I do. All the while the man crawled back into his car and drove away. I look at him for a moment then turn and start to walk again. "Hey, hold up" he says jogging to catch up to me. I don't slow down and continue on. He catches up and grabs my shoulder to stop me. "Hayden, come on." He says. I turn and look at him not saying anything. "Uhh, you're welcome" he says with a stupid look on his face.

I roll my eyes "I had it handled Dean, but thanks for remembering my name."

"Oh come on, you're mad about the bar?"

"You mean, when you pretended to not know me? I know there's like nothing going on but you really can't make a girl feel any lower then you did" I spit out walking forward some more. "Why are you here anyway?" I turn around walking backward to ask him.

"I was gonna give you a lift home" he answers. "Then I saw that loser following you and took care of it."

"Right. Well I don't need a ride, so yah, see ya at the bar" I turn back around. He continues to follow me.

"I couldn't introduce you to my friends. You don't understand. I wanted to but it's complicated" he tries to explain.

"It's complicated? Right, a simple hey guys this is Hayden, is quite complicated. I see what you mean." We arrive at the steps to my apartment building and I turn to him. "Look, I lived in the city, I know complicated. That's not complicated. I'll see ya around Dean." I say opening the door and going inside. I get inside my apartment, lock the door and go to the window. I watch Dean walk back down the street from where we came from. I make my way into the shower and force thoughts of our 2 nights together out of my head.


	3. Chapter 3: Second Chance

I go into work the next day and Dean is already sitting at the bar. I relieve the day bartender and she whispers something to me. "He's been here for hours, drinking only water. Good luck with that." I help out an older gentlemen first, then walk over to wear Dean is sitting. "What can I get you?" I smile at him with a fake grin.

"A coke please?" He asks.

I grab a cup and look at him funny "really? Just a soda?" I say filling it with ice.

He tilts his head a bit "for now." I pass him the soda and start to walk away. I serve another customer and when I turn around Dean already finished his drink.

I walk back over and refill it for him. This happens 3 more times, when I go back to fill it again he speaks up "you're really gonna keep making me drink this crap?" He asks.

I put the cup down and glare at him. "well, I am your bartender, I can get you whatever you want."

"I want to talk" he tells me with a serious look. I look over to Dan and nod towards Dean. Dan nods back to me and I walk out from behind the bar to the back door where Dean follows.

"What?" I ask annoyed. I fold my arms across my chest and wait. He leans against the wall.

"What happened last night, at the bar. I was a jerk." He says then stops talking.

"Is that an apology? You were a jerk? That's all?" I stop and wait for a response. When he doesn't respond I continue "You were an ass! Look, I haven't seen you in a couple weeks, whatever that's fine, we had a fun weekend. If that's all, cool. Then you come back, your with some friends, and you're a dick. Then you try to give me a ride home. I'm not stupid I know what you wanted. Couldn't give me the time of day with your friends but can come hook up with me afterwards. That's being more then a jerk, Dean." As I finish saying his name he grabs my arms and holds them down to my side.

"You're right, I was an asshole." He says then letting them go "You're awesome, I like spending time with you. If I introduced you they would've known we hooked up. I was trying to keep that from happening" he explains. I go to say something to him but he speaks up before I can "no, not because I was ashamed or anything. Because of what they would say to you, I'm not exactly mr relationship if you know what I mean." I look at him and instead of responding I wait for him to speak again. "I want to make it up to you. I.. I want to take you out on a date" he gets out. I stand there and put my hands on my hips. "Next time I come into the bar and I'm with someone, I won't be a complete dick either." I stand there and then turn around to walk back in.

I pause when I reach the door "I get off tomorrow at 8. Pick me up here." I push the door open and go back inside. Dean walks in a few minutes later and orders a scotch. After he finishes his drink, he pays the tab and leaves. I'm still mad about the night before but I'm excited to see what kind of date a man like Dean will plan.


	4. Chapter 4: First Date

I get off of work and head into the bathroom. I change from my usual bartender clothes into a black cocktail dress with an open back. I touch up my makeup, let my hair fall down in waves and store my extra bag in the ceiling. I head out of the bar and Dean is sitting there on his black car waiting. He's wearing fitted jeans, and layered a shirt together with a open button up underneath a jacket. Although it's his typical look it's cleaned, ironed, and he looks refreshed.

"I thought I was getting stood up" he jokes looking down at his watch.

I chuckle "well I got to make you sweat a bit, don't I?"

He gets off the car and comes over to give me a hug. My stomach drops as I hug him in return. He goes around and opens the passenger door for me. I get in and he shuts it behind me. As he walks around to the driver side I take a peek at the back seat where we slept together weeks ago. I face forward as he opens his door. He turns the car on and REO speedwagon comes out of the radio.

"Is that a cassette tape?" I ask looking towards the radio.

He beams proudly "only the best for this baby!" I chuckle at what he says as the car begins to move.

"For this baby?" I mock him. He glances at me with a serious look.

"Don't you dare mock her. She's my one and only" he beams. I tilt my head back and laugh.

"Well I guess it does have its own charm." I finally agree. "Where are we going tonight?" I ask intrigued to where we are going.

"Dinner first, of course, then dancing" he glances at me again. His eyes shining off the night sky.

"Dancing? You dance?" I ask

"I'm gonna give it a shot. Hopefully I got a good partner" he says turning into a parking lot. He opens the car door for me and reaches his hand out. He holds the doors of the restaurant open for me and we walk inside. "Reservation for Winchester." He cheers to the hostess. She looks up from the book and smiles "of course" she says. We follow her to a secluded booth and he gets the chair for me.

He sits and I compliment him "I didn't think you'd be such a gentlemen."

"Well I have to make it up to you. I gotta pull out all of the stops." He tells me. Dinner was amazing. There is never a silence in the conversation. He told me the guys he was with at the bar were his brother and a friend, and that they work together. He explains they work in mechanics and sales and they travel a lot. On the way to dancing I tell him about New York. What it was like growing up in Manhattan, or what I wished it was like growing up in Manhattan. He doesn't understand why I would leave a city for a place like Kansas. I don't explain it to him, he doesn't need to know that part of my life. The phone reads out "the destination is on your left." We both look out the window and see an abandoned building with a for sale sign across the door. He parks in front of the door and gets out. There's a chain and padlock on the door. "Son of a ..." He mumbles pushing the chains into the door. I get out of the car and walk over to him. He kicks dirt up in the air. "Hayden, I'm sorry. I guess I should've looked this place up myself." He says. I look at him curiously. "Damn. Alright fine, I had some help planning this date" he says. He goes over to the hood of his car and rests on it. I go over next to him.

"It's alright. I had a good time with you anyway. Unless your friends were telling you what to say the whole time." I joke grabbing his ear lightly pretending to look for a device. He smiles just a bit. We sit silently for a few minutes. He jerks up suddenly "wait here" he tells me walking over to the car. He fumbled around with something and then there is sound coming from his car. The sound of Bob Dylan singing knocking on heavens door plays from inside the car and he comes back around to where I'm resting. He gestures his hand out to me

"Can I have this dance?" He asks. I blush sheepishly and take his hand. We dance under the stars to the song. He's surprisingly a good dancer and led through the entire song. When the song was about to end he kissed me on the cheek and whispered "forgive me now?" I pull my face to his and he winks. My entire insides melt and I brush my lips against his hard. His tongue finding its way to mine. He hoists me into the air and I wrap my legs around him. We fall to the hood of his car and fumble at each other's clothing. After we get dressed and brush off as much dirt as we can from ourselves he drives me home. We sit silently for awhile before he reaches his hand over and grabs my leg. He leaves it there the rest of ride leaving me trembling for more. When we get to my apartment he turns the car off and turns to me. "Should I come up?" He says smiling. I lean in and kiss him. I pull away, step out of the car and lean in the open window.

"Maybe we should leave that for a second date." I say winking and turn away from him. I hear a groan and I smile to myself. I open the door and as it shuts he pulls away.


	5. Chapter 5: Introduced

We go out on 3 more dates over the next month and a half. I don't mind that he travels for work when he surprises me at the bar when he is back in town. I haven't invited him up to my apartment yet, and he hasn't taken me home. We haven't slept together since the night under the stars. He walks into the bar with the same two guys from that night months ago. He's been gone for over a week and he smiles just a bit when he sees me. My heart skips a beat and I go over to the open part of the bar where I assume they will sit.

"Hi there fella's, what can I get for you?" I ask.

"Hayden, this is my brother Sam" he says gesturing to the tall man on his right "and I believe you already met Cas." He says nodding his head to the one in the trench coat.

I extend my hand to both of them. "Nice to meet you. Hayden" I say as I shake hands.

"Pleasures ours." Sam says in return. Cas shakes my hand and awkwardly puts his hand back down to the side. They order 3 beers and I pass them over. "How do you two know each other?" Sam asks sipping his beer.

"Well this is my bar, Sammy. Of course I would know the hottest bartender around." He winks towards me.

"Don't get caught up in his game Hayden." Sam laughs. I laugh back and turn to help another customer.

"Too late" I hear Dean say. I look over my shoulder to see Sam raising his eyebrows at his brother then nodding as he sips his beer.

"Of course" Sam chuckles out loud with an eye roll.

"Looks like we won't be back here pretty soon" Cas chirps in. Dean punches him on the arm and Cas looks at him confused. I see Dean looking at me with a concerned look but I turn away and try not to dwell on it. The bar is pretty empty that night so I get let off early. I hang around the bar with the guys a bit before I leave. When I get home I take a quick shower and hop into bed. I get a phone call around 3 in the morning from Dean.

I grab the phone and answer groggily "hello?"

"Hey girl. I'm downstairs, come let me up?" He slurs out. I can tell he's extremely drunk.

"What? No!" I respond.

"Come on, don't make me knock on every door to find you." He teases "you know I will!" He adds in. I take a moment to think about it.

"Fine, but your sleeping on the couch!" I say hanging up the phone. I go downstairs to walk him in. When we get inside he tries to kiss me. I slip away from him and give him a side glance.

He shrugs off his coat and smiles back. "Had to try" he says sitting on the couch. I sit on the couch next him and we talk about music.

I wake up in the morning in the bed. I don't remember making it back to bed but roll over and no one is there. Dean stayed on the couch. I run my fingers through my hair quickly and head out to the living area. There's a single picked flower on my table with a note "thanks for taking me in. D"

I head into work that night with the flower in my hair. I don't know if he will be there or not but I feel great either way. A few hours into my shift around the time it starts to get busy a woman comes in and sits at the bar. I go over to serve her and she leans in to me so I could hear her. "I know you know Dean so could you give him his keys next time you see him?" She asks me pulling out a set of keys and handing them over to me. I open my hand and accept them "thanks" she says and bounces out of the bar. I stick the keys into my jean pocket and get back to work.


	6. Chapter 6: Attacked

"What can I get you?" I ask keeping the facade up.

"Beer if you would" he says.

"Uhh no" he looks at me still confused. I pull the keys out of my pocket and throw them over to him.

He sighs and puts his head down. "Hayden, it's not.." I grab the flower out of my hair and throw it on the bar top and storm out.

I walk out of the bar into the alley and start to walk home. I don't care if they tell my boss, I'm too pissed to explain. My head rattles profanities about dean when I hear a bottle get kicked behind me and I turn around to confront him "just stop Dean, I don't want to do this anymore." I spit out while turning. Only there is no one behind me. I look a second longer and turn back towards the way I was walking. When I turn a man is standing in front of me with black eyes. "What the hell" I spit out trying to step back. Some force pushes me and I didn't even realize he was going to attack me. I hit the concrete wall hard. I try to open my eyes but everything is blurry and my head is pounding. The man gets closer and I try to move away but can't. Another set of feet appear behind the man and I hear grunting while staring at the shoes.

I wake up in an unfamiliar place on top of a bed. The walls are bare concrete and there is a desk in the corner. I put my hand to my head and feel a wrap around it. It stings at the touch. I start to remember bits and pieces of what happened and start to panic. I go to the door and see if it opens. It does, I'm not locked in. I enter the hallway and see more doors. I follow the hallway out and end up in a large living room. I look up and see Dean sitting at a table looking down at an empty glass. "Dean?!" I kind of scream out. His head jerks fast and he runs over to me. I step back when he gets closer. He hesitates and steps closer again.

"Hayden, it's okay. You're fine." He says lowly to me. I look in his eyes confused and don't move. "Let's go back to the room, you should lay down." He grabs my arm and tries to bring me back to the room. I pull my arm away from him

"I will explain everything, but can we please get you sitting? You got hit pretty hard last night" he says touching my head and showing me some blood on his finger. I follow him back to the room I woke up in. I sit down on the bed and he stands at the door.

"I figured as much" I say pointing to my head. He looks down "but why am I here? Why am I not at a hospital?" I ask.

He looks up to me "I couldn't take you to a hospital. You wouldn't be safe" he says walking into the room more. I give him a look to warn him not to come closer. He notices and stops in his tracks.

"And I'm safe here? I told you I can take care of myself. It was probably the same pervert from the bar the other night" I exclaim rolling my eyes.

"It wasn't" he insists "it's more.."

"Complicated" we say together and his voice vanishes off. I raise my eyebrows at him waiting for answers!

"You were attacked by a demon." He says flatly.


	7. Chapter 7: Explanation

"Yea, so a pervert. Doesn't explain why I'm here, wherever this is or why a hospital isn't safe" I speak again more annoyed. His chest raises with a heavy sigh and he walks closer. Although I give him the same look from before he doesn't take the warning.

He sits down next to me and waits for me to look him in the eyes. I try to avoid it, knowing how the green hue makes me melt. When I finally do, he speaks in a hushed voice "Did you see the eyes? They were black. All black, contacts can't do that. It was a demon. From hell."

He says it in such a matter of fact way I don't even laugh at it. "Fine. A demon. Where am I?" I ask looking around and ignoring what he's saying.

"This is where I live" he says stretching out his left arm and fanning it across the room. I raise an eyebrow. "There's more to it then just this."

I nod my head "and the hospital?" I trail off sick of repeating myself to him.

"You're being hunted. This is the only safe place for you right now."

"Hunted?" I ask for more details. He sighs a defeated sigh and grabs my fingers. I want to pull them away but I leave them there motionless and wait.

"There's so much to explain. Why don't you shower and rest some more. We can talk more after." He urges me. I didn't realize it until he said it but I was tired. I nod my head and he gets up to leave. I lay my head on the pillow and instantly fall asleep.

I wake up to a clanging sound next to my ear. I jolt upward and Dean is there bringing in a plate of toast and eggs. I look at him and start to smile. I catch myself before he sees and stop smiling. I'm still mad at him. He doesn't say anything and turns to leave.

"Wait" I say. He stops in his tracks and turns to me. "I need to ask you one thing?" I ask him. He walks over and sits on the foot of the bed. I see the chiseled biceps peaking out from under his Tshirt and remind myself to look him in the eyes. "Why'd you come over the other night?" I ask staring into his eyes.

"It's not what it seemed." He starts by saying

I interject "you keep saying that, and it sure seemed like you had sex with some chick and then wanted more so you called me up. Oh wait I'm sorry, just showed up."

"Listen. I got crazy drunk at the bar and me and Castiel followed this chick home. She started advancing at me but I didn't do anything with her. I didn't know why, normally I'm all over that, but I didn't want to then" He tries to explain

"Sureeee" I hum out.

"I kept trying to push her away but she wouldn't give up so I just left. My keys must've fallen out and I didn't want to go back up to get them so I just walked. I didn't know why any of that was happening until I ended up at your doorstep." He stops.

"This is just all so romantic" I roll my eyes at him.

"I don't even think I realized it until I woke up. I started to remember what happened and I freaked. I don't get hooked on girls, they get hooked on me. But there I was, sleeping on a girls couch, with clothes on. I just left. I was going to send Sam to get my keys but she was gone when he went over there." He finishes telling me.

"Sounds very convenient for you" I spit back to him. He sighs and stands up.

"I'm not going to fight you Hayden. Eat some food" he says walking out of the door leaving the door open.


	8. Chapter 8: The Truth

Although I didn't want to do anything he told me to do, I was hungry. I eat the food in silence and then decide to go find him. I walk around lost for a while before I run into anyone. I run into his brother Sam in a room that looks like a kitchen. He turns around when he hears me enter. His hair flips around and lands in front of his eyes. He flicks it away with a head motion and smiles at me "hey there Hayden. can I help you with something?"

"I'm looking for Dean" I say to him. I don't mean it to, but my voice comes off shaky and weak. I cough to try and cover it up.

"He's in the garage, I'll show you where it is." I follow him into the biggest personal garage I'd ever seen. There were classic cars in rows and everything was immaculate. He points down to the end where I see Deans figure. The door shuts behind me and I walk towards him. Black sabbath is playing from his car as he is cleaning the exterior.

When I get close I speak up "you take real good care of her." He looks at me. He throws the rag across the floor and gets in the car. He turns the radio down and sticks his arm out the window.

"Get in" he motions me in the cars direction to sit in the passengers seat.

I fold my hands on my hips "where are we going?"

"Just get in" he says again.

"We should talk first" I say in return. His lips flare at the side and his jaw bone tenses.

"I'll talk when we're on the road" he returns letting out a breath of air. I walk over to the passenger door and get in. He puts the car in drive and speeds away. After driving for a few minutes he finally speaks, "If you don't believe me about the other night, that's fine. But you have to see for yourself why you can't go back to your apartment." I look from him to the road and start to notice some familiar places. A little while later we are outside my apartment building. Rather, we are down the street behind a barricade. Dark smoke is emitting into the air. The building was burned. When I go to reach over the tape Dean grabs my arm and shakes his head no.

"But they'll let me through, I lived here" I plea to him, eager to be informed on what's going on.

He still holds my arm and pulls in closer to whisper to me, "It's a trap Hayden. You're going to walk right into it."

"Knock it off Dean. This isn't a joke. Let me go" I say raising my voice. He grabs me tighter and I wince in pain. He pulls me to the back of the formed crowd and let's go. I grab my arm after his release. It's already starting to bruise.

"I'm sorry but you can't. I won't let you, it's not safe." He says in a serious tone. I go to speak up but he shh's me. My blood boils and I go to speak again. He grabs my face and turns it. I see one police officer walking eagerly towards us. "Lets go" he says pushing me towards the car. I don't understand why he wants to run from him or what his urgency is but the tone in his voice makes me move. He spins out of the parking area and into the streets. Within minutes there's a police car behind us with the lights on. Dean continues to speed up.

"You have to stop!" I yell holding onto whatever I can grab.

"Not yet" he yells back. He turns down a dirt road and drives another few miles. When he finally stops he turns to me quickly "stay in the car, I'll take care of this" and turns to get out.

"Take care of it? Dean, wait!" I try to tell him but he just leaves me there. I turn around to watch out of the back window.

"Come and get it you son of a bitch" he hollers. He throws some kind of water at the man and he falls to the ground. He starts to kick him. I open the car door and watch. I want to help the man, but I'm paralyzed. I'm scared. This is not the man I thought I knew! All of a sudden Dean is thrusted backwards into the air landing on top of the police car. The police officer slowly walks over to him. I listen to what he's saying.

"You made it so easy for me. I didn't know if taking the girl would suffice to get a Winchester out of hiding. But, here we are. You came right to me. There will be no reason to torture her any more." He stops walking forward for a moment then speaks again "I'll do it anyway" he laughs walking forward again.

"Torture this you dick!" I holler raising the sharp silver blade Dean dropped. The man turns and I see his black eyes. I plummet the knife into his chest and a white light beams out of him. Moments later the body is on the ground. And so am I, throwing up the breakfast Dean made me.


	9. Chapter 9: Hunters

"Hayden!" Dean rushes to my side. I crawl away from him while wiping my mouth.

"Stop. Please stop" I cry out. Tears start to fall fast down my face. I look at Dean as he squats next to the dirt. He's panting heavily and staring at me. "Who are you?" I question him.

"I'm a hunter" he returns to me.

"Of what?" I ask.

"Demons. Ghosts. Shape Shifters. Vampires." He says looking to the side. My eyes open wide as he continues going through a list of monsters. When he's finished he tries to crawl towards me again but I inch back and he stops. "We need to leave. More will be coming" he says to me. I sit motionless for another moment before nodding my head. I go to stand up and wobble sideways. Dean catches on to me and holds me up. He walks me to the car and we pull away. We don't talk on the way back to his house. When he pulls into the garage and gets out I stay seated in the car. I can't even process what happened. I feel his presence next to me but don't find comfort. He walks away leaving me to the silence.

"You've been here for hours. You should come inside" the gentle man, Castiel, is standing next to the car. I turn my head slowly and look at him.

"What are you?" I ask him expecting a similar answer like Deans.

"I'm human" he says. I nod my head and open the door "who used to be an Angel" I step out, shut the door and stand still yet again. Angel wasn't on the list of things Dean named off. This is insane.

"Used to be?" I ask him walking towards the door that brought me in here hours ago. Castiel follows close behind me.

"My grace is gone" he explains to me simply. I don't push for further details because I know I won't understand even if he tried to explain further. We walk in and he brings me to where Dean is sitting. He's sitting over a glass of whiskey. I grab a glass from the wet bar and take a seat across from him. I look at Castiel and he looks back at me. I cough and gesture for him to leave but he stays standing and staring.

"Leave us, Cas" Dean grunts out frustrated. Castiel quickly leaves the room with only a nod. Dean pushes the bottle of whiskey towards me all while keeping his eyes down on his glass. I pour the glass, chug it all, and pour another.

"What the fuck Dean?" I get out.

"I told you it was complicated" he says lifting his eyes slightly to meet mine.

"This is not complicated. It's insane!" I return to him not really knowing what to say.

"You have no idea." He adds on.

"So when you're gone for days or weeks at a time, it's because you're out killing these things. Hunting them?" I ask him now, trying to put the pieces together of this messed up information.

"Yup" he sips from his glass, the ice clattering.

"I don't even know what.." I start to say but he interrupts me.

"I don't expect you to understand right away Hayden." He says.

"I don't know if I ever will understand" I return to him. He nods his head and we finish the bottle in silence over the next hour and a half.


	10. Chapter 10: Distraction

I couldn't sleep that night. I killed a person. A monster. A demon. I don't know what it was but I killed it. I laid in bed restless for hours before I decided to get up. I walk out where I drank with Dean hours before. There were piles upon piles of books sitting at the table and aligned in a book shelf. I pull the book off the top from an end table and take a seat. I read for a couple of hours about ghosts and spirits. I learned more then I ever waned to about ghosts. I close the book and rub my eyes, hopeful that I'll fall asleep. Although I don't feel tired, I decide to give it another shot. As I walk back down to the bedroom another door opens and a gun pops forward aimed at my heart. I jump backward in fear. Deans head follows behind the gun. When he sees me he puts the gun down fast.

"Oh shit. Sorry. I heard something, didn't know what it was." He mumbles, running the gun over his head.

"Damn it Dean!" I return to him, my heart racing.

Another door opens and Sam comes walking out shirtless with tired eyes. "Some of us are trying to sleep" he mutters walking back into his room.

"Come in" Dean motions his gun towards his room. I walk in ready to give him a piece of my mind for pointing a gun on me. He shuts the door behind me and I turn swiftly on my heels.

"A gun Dean? Come on!" I spit out

"Hey you pulled one out on me" he says back laying back down in bed. His abs flex as his shirt lifts when lays down and my heart skips a beat.

"Ugh, you're so frustrating" I say sitting next to him. After a few minutes of silence I speak up "I can't sleep."

"It'll get better," he says closing his eyes and breathing calmly.

"I don't want it to get better. I killed someone." I grunt angrily after a few seconds of watching him. "That shouldn't be something that gets better."

"You killed a demon. You saved me," he sits up slightly onto his elbows.

"Saying it was a demon isn't making me feel better. I don't feel better." I repeat sternly so he understood.

He speaks lowly "sorry." I sigh and try to adjust to more silence. My head continues racing and there's only one thing I can think of that'll turn my thoughts off. I turn quickly and straddle Dean. Kissing his lips and forcing them open. He kisses me back hard. Putting his right hand under my shirt and his left hand behind my head kissing me harder. He unsnaps my bra and pulls my shirt over my head. He kisses my neck, my chest, lingering over my breasts. His hands fall down to my waist and wriggles my shorts off. I pull at his pants quickly. The only sound in the room is the sound of our heavy breathing into each other. He rolls me on to the bed with force and grabs protection from the side table. He quickly puts it on and enters me hard. He thrusts with determination and I moan each time. I wrap my arms around him and scratch down his back in pleasure. He moans in return. I wrap my legs around him and flip on top. He works hard controlling his urge so we can finish together. I collapse on top of him and roll over to the side when we're finished. I take a quick glance at him and notice his accomplished smile. I roll out of bed letting him watch me get dressed. I walk towards the door and he asks "Where are you going?" He sits up against the bed frame, eyeing me waiting for a response.

"To get some rest." I respond opening the door to leave.

"Stay here" he says with a small grin. I shake my head in disagreement and shut the door behind me. I go back to the room, fall into the bed and go to sleep easily now.


	11. Chapter 11: Still Around

The same thing happens over and over again for 2 weeks. The only time I get to sleep is after sleeping with Dean and I never stay the night in bed with him. One Thursday night, after a particularly fun night in bed I leave and go back to the room I've been staying in. I fall asleep quickly like I have many nights before. I'm not asleep long before I'm awoken by the sound of a door creaking open. I open my eyes and they adjust slowly to Deans silhouette.

"What are you doing?" I ask him groggily.

"I'm here to sleep" he says walking over to the other side of the bed.

"Funny." I respond seriously, hoping he catches my annoyed tone.

"Really though" he responds to me. I sit up and then turn the side lamp on. He lays down and adjusts the pillow I was using.

"What are you doing Dean?" I question him further.

"I already told you" he responds quickly back to me.

"Please leave" I try and ask nicely, the tone of the word please making it come off very condescending.

"No. I can't believe I'm going to say this but I don't just want to be your hook up Hayden." He sits up to say the rest of what he wants to say "I'm not going to keep doing this" he says.

I chuckle out a "please" and roll my eyes.

"I mean it when I told you I was hooked on you" he tells me "from now on, if we're going to sleep together, we're going to sleep together" he says turning away now, facing his ass towards me.

"Whatever" I roll my eyes and then turn the light off, putting my butt against his.

I wake up the next morning before the sun rises and before he does. I grab my clothes and get dressed quickly. I make some eggs and go outside to sit in the hammock that I set up a week ago. I'm relaxing when Sam walks outside. He's dressed in running gear.

"Hey Hayden" he smiles while he walks towards me.

"Hi Sam" I smile back. He's about to put ear buds in his ear so I speak up "what's Deans deal?" I ask

"What do you mean?" He asks in return.

"He's clearly a man whore. So why am I still here" I question his younger brother. If I can't figure it out, maybe he can.

"Well, yea he usually is a uh.. man whore" he says half smiling looking around "but since you're still around and he's not out hooking up with other girls, I'd say you already know why you're still here" he raises his eyebrows.

"But why me?" I ask.

"You should ask him that" he says putting in the ears buds and running off. I lay in the hammock a bit longer before going back inside.

Later that night I run into Dean in the hall. "See you in 30?" I ask playfully

"Can't tonight. Gotta go" he says opening the door to his room and grabbing a bag

"Where?" I ask interested. He hasn't left the home since that night we left together weeks ago.

He looks around "uhh, work."

I nod my head but then I remember what work really is. "Wait, work? What work?" I push for answers.

"Hunting work" he responds walking to the main room. Sam is standing there with a bag in hand as well.

"Where?"

"Oregon" he responds

"What?" I ask more questions

"Don't know. Ghost probably."

"Can I come?" I ask. He looks at me blankly

"No Hayden" he says flatly

"I want to go. I need to see this" I say flat out to him.

"We don't even know what we are dealing with, I can't keep my eyes on you either" he says.

"You wouldn't need to" I retort back annoyed not completely believing myself.

"Next one, okay Hayden? We really gotta go." I nod my head and they head out the door leaving me and Castiel behind in their home.


	12. Chapter 12: Needed

He returns 4 days later. It's a little after midnight when he gets back. He walks into my room and slips into the bed. Although the lights were off I was awake. I turn to face him and whisper "how was it?" I ask making sure to keep space between us.

"Mmmm" he says not responding.

"Everything okay?" I ask concerned

"I need you" he says. I take that as a hint and move closer to him. I grab his hand and move it under my shirt to my breasts. He moves his hands away "not like that" he returns to me. He grabs my face and pulls me in close for a deep long kiss. We kiss awhile longer before we have sex. Except this time it's nothing fun, fast, or hard. It's passionate. He gently thrusts his hips when he's in me. He's soft and caring. He kisses me gently between my collarbone. He asks me if what he is doing okay. We stay in the same position the entire time. We don't use protection. When we are finished we cuddle. He holds me in his arms and I can feel his muscles relax when he finally falls asleep. A bit later I'm able to wriggle out of his grasp and tip toe out of the room. I didn't sleep much when Dean was gone. I usually can fall asleep easily after sleeping with him. Tonight was different. My body felt different, my heart felt different. I make a cup of tea to calm my nerves. I go back into the bed and as soon as I lay down he rolls over and cuddles me again.

He wakes me up in the morning when he rolls out of bed. "What time is it?" I ask

"6" he says pulling up his pants over his boxer briefs.

"Jeeze, I fell asleep like 2 hours ago" I say rolling over and putting a pillow over my head. I hear the door shut and I peak. He's gone and I fall back asleep.

It's been 4 days since that night and we haven't slept together since then. He's been distant from me and I don't try to get closer. I'm sitting in the library with Castiel when Sam comes walking in "Cas, we need your help on this one"

"What is it?" He asks Sam. I look up from the book I'm reading and listen in.

"We think it's a lead on Crowley" he returns.

"Who?" I ask.

"the king of hell" Castiel tells me

"King of hell? Isn't lucifer the devil?" I ask in return.

"Not anymore" Sam returns.

"I want to come" I tell them.

"No Hayden" Dean says walking in

"You said next time" I fight back sounding like an 8 year old.

"Not on this one. It's too dangerous" he replies back. I go to speak up "that's it. No more discussion. You're staying here"

"Whatever" I say walking out of the room. I change quickly into a pair of running pants, sneakers, and a Tshirt. I sneak outside and into the crap car they leave out front. I wait a while longer and the three of them get into the impala and drive off. I start the car and follow them from a far. They pull into a gas station and I pull into one a little further up of the road. I wait for them to pull out and follow again. 11 hours later and they pull into a sleazy motel. They get 2 rooms. After 2 hours of nothing I decide to try and sleep in the back seat for a bit.

I hear a car start and I jolt awake. I look around and see the lights of the impala pulling out with 3 silhouettes in it. I turn the car on, it's 4 in the morning. I follow them to an old warehouse. They go inside and I follow as quietly as possible.


	13. Chapter 13: Leverage

I follow their exact steps. I hear Castiel's singular tone ring out "he should be here" just then the lights in the warehouse go on and everything is lit. The boys look around confused. I'm hidden behind a pillar of concrete and stay closely to it.

"Hello boys" a Scottish/Irish like accent calls out and a man appears in front of them. I blink quickly to adjust but I already know. This is a demon.

"Crowley" Dean hisses.

"What are you 3 doing here?" The accented man returns.

"We need your help" Sam says.

"The Winchesters need my help? Whatever for?" The man cackles back

"Getting Castiel his grace back" I hear Dean say.

"Grace?" I whisper to myself. Crowleys eye flicker in my direction and I duck. I hold my breath until he speaks again.

"And why would I help you 3? What do I get in return?" He asks

"We'll stop hunting you, for now" Dean says.

The man laughs loudly "well that's not a very good deal" he snaps his fingers and a man is grabbing me by the arm dragging me forward. "Let's try this again" I look at Dean and his eyes show fear and anger at the same time.

"Who have we here?" He asks walking closer to me rubbing his hand against my cheek. I jerk my head away as much as possible. Dean jumps forward but Sam holds him back. "Someone is touchy over this one." He looks over at Dean while saying this.

"Let her go. What do you want Crowley!?" He spits out.

"Well I am intrigued to know who she is and how she got the playboy all wound up"

"Crowley" he hisses to him

"Alright, alright. No games, plenty of time later. I'll settle for a favor."

"What favor?" Dean grits through his teeth.

"Well not a favor now. A favor later. When I need it, no questions asked." The accent rings out. "And I'm not going to help you with Castiels grace. You know I could care less about those winged muppets" he flicks his wrist. "What do you say boys? Do we have a deal?" He asks.

"Yes" Dean respond immediately.

"Good. Well, I'll be seeing you." He gestures with a wave and the two demons are gone.

Dean comes running to me and grabs my arms "are you okay?" I nod my head up and down quickly. "Let's go" he grabs my arm tightly and pulls me out of there. I try to pull away from his grip but he just grabs it tighter, hurting me. We get to the impala and he rips the keys out of my pocket and throws them to Sam. "You and Cas take that ride home. Go!" He hollers. The two of them walk off leaving me and Dean behind.

"Damn it Hayden! Why were you here?" He spits out grabbing his hair.

"You said next one, so I followed you." I say angrily back to him.

"You could've gotten yourself hurt!" He yells

"So could you!" I return

"Don't even, Hayden! I know what I'm doing. You just ruined what we came here for. Now Crowley has leverage over us."

"Oh whatever" I roll my eyes getting into the car. He gets in and starts to drive off. The entire ride back to Kansas is silent. We don't go back to their place though. Instead he pulls into a mote, hitting the brakes hard as he pulls into a spot.

"Why are we here?" I ask glaring at him. He gets out of the car and slams the door

"I can't do this anymore" he walks away into the office. He walks back out 5 minutes later and opens a door down the hall. I follow him in to the room. He's looking in the closet door and into the bathroom.

"Do what?" I ask him

"This" he gestures between the two of us. "You don't listen to me. I'm trying to protect you. I can't watch you get hurt. I don't care anymore if you don't believe me, but I need you to be safe."

The tone in his voice is low, deep, and sincere. It makes me take him seriously "Dean, I'm sorry. I didn't know you truly felt this way" I walk closer to him.

"Forget it" he pushes past me "just, please stay here tonight. I'll be back in the morning" he says turning to me, waiting for a response. I nod my head and he leaves. I sit on the bed in silence thinking "what have I done?"


	14. Chapter 14: Rescued

Dean walks in around 8 the next morning and I'm already awake. I didn't sleep last night at all. He drops a coffee on the table and mumbles "lets go." Without looking up at me.

I stand up and follow him back to the car. There's a bag packed in the back seat. "Where are we going?" I ask him when he starts to drive.

"Your new place" he replies. My heart drops. I didn't realize how much I've been relying on Dean, how much I wanted to be near him. I put my head down and sink in the seat. We pull up to a crummy old one story house.

"Here?" I ask as he turns the car off.

"Yup" he grabs the bag and gets out of the car. I follow him into the house. He throws the bag down on the dusty couch and walks through the house showing me where things are.

"I'll be back up in a few days to check on you. Please just stay here" he mumbles.

"Dean, wait" I say to stop him. He stops but doesn't turn. "I'm sorry" I explain "can we talk? I want to stay close to you. You make me feel safe." I say honestly and open to him.

"If I made you feel safe then you would've stayed behind. You would've listened to me" he utters out turning his left cheek over his shoulder. I stay silent, with no response and he leaves. I decide to do whatever Dean says and listen to him. He stops by the house about 2-3 times a week if he's not out on a hunt. Sam and Castiel stop by sometimes too. He calls in to check in if they are all out together and Im to answer every time no matter what I'm doing. This goes on for a about a month. Me and Dean don't talk much during this time.

One afternoon I hear 2 doors shut one right after another. I assume it's Dean and just sit where I am watching her Netflix. The front door opens and its not Dean. In walks in a man I've never seen before. He smiles a crooked smile and begins to laugh. I stand up and start to move backwards. He walks quickly towards me. I run towards the back door and another man is standing there. He looks familiar and I gasp as his hand rises and he knocks me out with a hard clock. I hear a phone ringing and I open my eyes and everything is blurry. My hands are tied to the bed frame with rope and I can't wriggle out. I start to panic and yell for help. In walk the two men drinking the bottle of scotch I had in the cabinet. As the men get closer I recognize the one who was at the back door. It was the man from the bar, the one who followed me, the one Dean beat up. My eyes look at him with anger and he laughs more limping towards me.

"Took me awhile to find you darling. You stopped working at the bar." His voice is low and scratchy.

"Go to hell" I spit towards him.

"I was following you for some time and I had it all planned out that night. But that fella did some number on me" he looks down at his leg "I had to enlist some help" he nods towards the other man standing at the door. "I couldn't just let you, or him, get away with it." He chugs from the bottle. He steps closer to me brushing his hand along my leg, up my side, and over my face. He gets close to my face and I spit on him. He slaps me across the face cutting my lip open.

"You won't get away with this" I holler out swallowing blood.

"Is your friend going to stop me? I've been scouting this place out for a month. He's gone for another 2 days or so." He grabs a roll of duct tape, rips a piece off, "Just waiting on one more friend and then we can get this party started!" He says forcing his lips onto mine. I bite his lip and he hits me again. He covers my mouth with the tape. Some hours pass before they return. A third man is with them and I begin to panic. I continue to try to loosen my hands from the rope but can't. The two men stand outside the door and the man from the bar walks in. He gets closer to me and I kick him "love when they fight! He rips at my shirt bearing my stomach. I continue to kick at him but he sits on top of me, bearing all of his weight making it hard to breath. He runs his hand up my leg again unbuttoning my shorts. He pulls at them and then we hear a crashing sound. The man looks behind him and we hear more commotion. "I better do this quick" he says pulling the shorts down faster. I get a leg out from under him and kick him in the face! He falls to the floor but gets up quickly. "That's it!" He hollers. He grabs my neck and begins to strangle me. I wriggle as much as I can but can't move. My breathing becomes short and it's getting harder to fight him. All of a sudden when I'm about to give in, his hands are off of my neck and I'm gasping for air. I turn my head and see Dean straddling the man punching him. Sam and Castiel run in. Sam helps untie my hands and Castiel goes to Dean.

"They are human" he says grabbing his arm.

"I. DONT. CARE!" He says punching him more across the face.

"Dean, stop" Castiel and Sam try to stop him but he pushes them away from him with strength.

"Dean! Dean!" I holler out but he doesn't answer me. I get off the bed and quickly kneel next to him "Dean, please" I say to him. His eyes look into my eyes and they are filled with rage. I hold my stare and his hands are shaking in fists. "I'm here" I say to him "I'm right here." The anger in his eyes diminishes and he sits back, away from the man, resting his tired body against the wall.


	15. Chapter 15: True Feelings

Sam calls the police and they arrive in an hour. The entire night is filled with reports and questioning. They want to take me to the hospital but I refuse to go. It's around 6 in the morning before the authorities are gone and it's just us again. Dean comes into the room I'm sitting in and speaks up "I packed your bag. We're leaving" he says waiting for me to stand to follow.

"Where are we going?" I ask him standing slowly, still shaken.

"Back to the bunker. Where you should've been this whole time" he responds. I nod my head and the 4 of us ride quietly for the 20 minute ride.

We get there and I finally speak up "bunker. That makes way more sense then saying home" no one responds and we walk inside silently. Dean walks me to the room I stayed in before and opens the door for me. I walk in and he follows behind me. I go over to the mirror and look at myself. There's a black eye, and a bruised and bloodied lip. My neck is bruised with hand prints from being choked. I move it to the left and right to try and loosen it but wince in pain. I look again in the mirror but this time I notice Dean sitting on the bed. His head is hanging down in his hands. "D" I whisper to him as I sit down next to him. He keeps his head down. "What made you come back?" I ask him, wondering how he got there luckily just in time.

"You didn't pick up the phone. I knew something was wrong" he says between his hands. I nod my head remembering the phone ringing was what woke me up from the first hit.

"Thank you" I say to him.

"You shouldn't be thanking me. It happened because of me" he tries to blame himself for everything that happened.

"No. It's not your fault." I try to assure him putting my hand on his back.

"It was!" He says louder standing up, "I had you stay there. Alone! I'm so stupid!" He punches the wooden door leaving a hole. "I should've been with you" he grits again.

"Please, stop" I say trying to calm him down, getting upset that he's feeling like this.

"I don't know what to do Hayden. I make these stupid decisions around you. I keep putting you at risk." He says lowly.

"I put myself at risk too Dean. I'm sorry. If I only listened to you months ago you wouldn't have had to put me in that house. It was my fault." I try to explain. He sits back down and grabs my hand.

"I thought if I stayed away from you, kept my distance, i'd be able to move on from you. Then you didn't pick up. I was so scared. That man was choking you, you were half naked." He flinches with anger "I wanted to kill him. I wanted him to die at my hands" he comes out and tells me. "I'm not over you Hayden. I'm far from it. I'm in love with you" he finishes. I look into his green eyes and I feel his sincerity. I feel the connection.

"I love you too" I say back. He kisses my forehead and we lay down cuddling each other before we both fall asleep.


	16. Chapter 16: Surprise

I wake up and then turn to face Dean. He opens his eyes slowly allowing me to see his Christmas tree green eyes.

"Hi" I whisper to him with a small smirk.

"Hey" he says back smiling. We sleep together the same way we did the last time. Passionately.

That afternoon Dean drives me to a doctor to get a once over after what happened. "Not just physically checked out but emotionally checked out too" he put it. He waits in the car as I go inside. Almost an hour later I walk out like a deer in headlights trying to process everything. I walk slowly to the car and get in. He looks at me as I look straight ahead at the bushes we are parked in front of.

"Hayd, what's wrong?" He stares at me intently. I don't respond yet "Hayden! What happened?" He pushes while grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I turn my head slowly and look at those same green eyes from this morning, this time they were oozing with concern.

"I'm.. I'm pregnant" I muster out. His eyes widen and stare into mine.

"What?" He finally spits out.

"I'm pregnant" I say again still staring into his eyes.

"What? How?" He asks with widened eyes.

"I'm only about 4-5 weeks along. That night. When you came back from that hunt. When we didn't.." I say lowly trailing off. He rubs his hand across the scruff on his face. "What do we do?" I ask him. He starts the car and drives back to the bunker in silence.

We get into the house and no one is around. Dean pours himself a drink.

"Dean" I say firmly to him, not sure what he's thinking.

"What?" He chugs a gulp down.

"Can you just talk to me? What do you want me to do?" I ask looking to him for advice, for help, for comfort. He shrugs. I ask "do you want me to, yanno?" I ask shrugging back, looking down embarrassed for even thinking of doing such a thing.

"What! No! Of course not" he returns instantly shaking his head.

"Okay, that's something. There's more to talk about though" I tell him as he takes another swig.

"Do we have to talk right now?" He asks annoyed.

"Yes, Dean! We do! Right now!" I say annoyed in return. He goes to take a third gulp from the bottle but I take it from his hands. He looks at me with his mouth open. "Sober" I pound it down on the table splashing some around the lip of the bottle. "There's adoption" I mention taking a seat at the table, spitting out another idea.

"No" he says taking a seat across from me

"Then that leaves..." I trail off

"Yea, I know"

"Is that what you want?" I ask him.

"Well I don't want any of this." He says rubbing his hands together "but of all the options, that's the only one I would want, to have it" he finishes opening his hands up to me. "But it's not just up to me. What do you want?" He asks.

I look at him shocked for a minute he would even ask me but I answer his question "same thing you said."

"Well, I guess we should start preparing for a baby" he chuckles uncomfortably and stands up. He walks over to me and waits for me to stand up. I do and he leans over to hug me. He hugs me, kisses me on the cheek and then pulls away to look me in the eyes. He half smiles, takes the shot he poured and then turns and walks away leaving me alone. Although I ant to believe he was sincere with everything he seemed still disappointed about it and I find myself worrying about what's going to happen to us.


	17. Chapter 17: Gender Identification

One night, when the brothers got back from a hunt about a month later, I made them all dinner and we ate together at the table. After dinner, Dean and I decide to tell them the news. It hasn't been two hard to keep it a secret. Dean and I talked about it and we just needed a bit more time to get ready to tell them before sharing it.

"Sam, Cas. We have some news" Dean starts it off.

"What is it?" Castiel says in his simulator tone, not reading the tension that is coming off of me or Dean.

"Well, Dean and I are expecting" I tell them, pulling it off like a bandaid.

"Expecting what?" Castiel asks in return. Sam's face lights up and then he busts out laughing at Castiels response.

"A baby" Dean replies to him shaking his head holding in a smirk towards his awkward friend.

"Holy crap! A baby, Dean?" Sam asks looking at his brother. His eyes are racing with questions I can tell he's holding in.

"It wasn't planned" I interject trying to answer at least one of the questions he will want to ask.

"Well yea, Dean never wanted kids" Sam tells me smiling.

"Wow. Wow. I wouldn't say never!" Dean pipes in.

"You hate babies!" Sam laughs more.

"Not true. I love babies." Dean tries to reply "just not when they cry and poop and puke." He adds.

I roll my eyes. "Dean, a child? Why would you be having a child at a time like this?" Castiel speaks up.

"Because she's pregnant and that's what we decided." Dean returns with a low tone is now deeper "Dean."

"No Cas. This is what's happening. Be happy for us" he says grabbing my hand and squeezing it. Castiel walks out.

"Well congratulations guys" Sam says standing up and embraces us in a hug. He pats his brother on the back and leaves the room.

"Thanks D" I say to him as he lets go of my hand.

He looks at me confused "for what?"

"Standing up for us to Castiel. For reassuring me we are doing the right thing" I tell him. He smiles at me and winks. I smile back and start to clean the table.

Another month and a half goes by before I start to show. I get morning sickness through out the entire day at this point and have a hard time eating anything. Dean stays back on a couple of hunts to take care of me. We go in for an ultrasound 5 months into my pregnancy. Dean makes it a point to be at every appointment I have. He reads books and magazines on what to expect and is more caring then I thought he would be. It is not what I would have expected from him. The ladies man, the one who wouldn't be in a relationship, the man who can get any girl he wants. We are called into the back and get checked on by a PA. A while later the doctor comes in.

"Everything seems to be going well. You just need to get your weight up. You need to eat more for yourself and for the baby" the doctor says to us adjusting the ultrasound on my stomach getting the liquid rubbed around.

Dean nods vigorously. "I'm trying my best get her to eat more, I was just saying she looks a bit thin." He adds in.

The doctor smiles "that's very good, keep doing it. Would you like to know what you're having?" She asks smiling at us. I look up to Dean who looks down to me

"Should we?" He asks shrugging. His smile widening as I wait to respond.

"Doesn't matter to me. I'll let you decide" I tell him. He turns his smile to the doctor and nods his head up and down.

"Congratulations you two. It's a girl!"

Dean squeezes my hand tightly and I see a small tear drop fall out of his left eye. At the same time my eyes brim over with tears. "A girl" he whispers still grasping my hand.

"A girl" I whisper back to him. He puts his forehead on mine and smiles at me. We get back to the bunker and Sam and Castiel are sitting at the table. Sam on his laptop, Castiel reading a book. They look up at the same time. Castiels look is quick before he puts his head back down and focus' his eyes back on the page. Him and Dean haven't talked much since the fight. Usually only about hunting or possible ideas to get his grace back.

Sam notices Dean's grin and asks "what's going on?"

"I'm having a girl, Sammy!" He says reaching for a hug. Sam opens up his arms and grasps his brother tightly.

"Haha wow! A girl!" Sam laughs while hugging back. They let go and Dean turns to Castiel who just stood up. He puts out his hand for a hand shake.

"Congratulations." He says lowly. Dean looks at it then swipes it away and grasps him into a big hug. Castiel awkwardly hugs him back. After Dean lets him go he steps back and looks confused. All the while Sam comes over to give me a hug.

"A girl, man! A baby girl!" Dean smiles. Castiel walks over to me and I hug him. He hugs me back lightly.

"Hayden, Dean.. I'm.." Castiel speaks up

"Forget it.." I interrupt

"No.. Really I" he tries further.

"Really Cas, forget it. I'm having a baby girl! You're going to be an uncle!" Dean bursts loudly with a large grin. I memorize it, hoping she gets that smile of his.

"An uncle?" Castiel asks looking confused.

"Ya man, you're family" Sam adds in. Castiels mouth forms into a slight smile. I know that smile. I have the same one when I feel apart of this family too.


	18. Chapter 18: Devastation

A month later I'm awoken in the middle of the night by sharp pains in my stomach. I jolt up grabbing my stomach with one hand and Dean with another "Dean!" I gasp out squeezing his arm. He shoots straight up and points the gun to the door. I don't flinch, it's something I've gotten used to. "It hurts" I gasp out in labored breaths "somethings wrong" I add on. He throws the gun on the floor and reaches to me with both hands.

"What does?" He asks me looking between my face and stomach "what hurts?"

"My stomach!" I screech in pain. He shoots out of bed and opens the door, he shouts for Sam and comes to the side of the bed where I am and scoops me up into his arms bridal style. He gets to the hallway and Sam is standing there half asleep, gun at his side.

"I'm taking her to the hospital. Something's wrong. I'll call you when I can!" He shouts to his brother while passing him. Sam follows us to the car asking more questions and Dean ignores all of them. He places me in the passenger seat then quickly goes over to the driver side. He starts the car and speeds off into the night.

He pulls into the emergency room entrance and picks me up out of the car. A nurse meets us with a wheel chair half way to the entrance and he places me in it softly. He follows the nurse as she asks questions "What's wrong?" She asks as I'm being pushed along.

"She's pregnant and she has pains in her stomach" he basically shouts to her, his voice shaking.

"How far along is she?" She asks next.

"6 months" he says looking at me unsure. I nod my head in confirmation when the nurse looks down to me for a final confirming nod.

"When did the pains start?" She asks as she walks through the emergency room door into the waiting room.

"Suddenly.. like.. Like 45 minutes ago" he spits out quickly.

She continues forward "we got it from here. Wait here" she says pushing forward.

"What! No!" Dean yells back.

"We have to take her to the operating room. She's bleeding!" The nurse explains. Dean looks down at me and notices the blood for the first time. The nurse pushes me through the doors while Dean and I look at each other until the doors stop swinging. A few minutes later they are putting a mask over my face and telling me to count backwards from 10.

I wake up in a hospital room, the lighting is dull and the bed is uncomfortable. The doctor speaks to me after the nurse checks on me. He asks if I understand. I look out the window and nod my head up and down once telling him I do. He leaves the room and a minute later Dean rushes in. He comes to the side of my bed quickly gripping my hand "Hayden, are you okay? Hayden?" He asks me. I don't turn to meet his caring eyes. I don't respond.

"Is she okay?" He turns to the doctor who walked in behind him.

"She's fine, but we lost the baby" the doctor says in a low voice.

"What?" Dean shouts looking at him.

"I'm sorry. We couldn't save the baby. There was a problem with the uterus. We had to induce labor and she was still born. I'm so sorry." The doctor finishes, staying standing by the door. Deans head drops and the then the doctor leaves. Dean turns back to me and my eyes brim over with tears. He grabs a chair and drags it close to the bed. He takes a hold of my hands and puts his forehead to mine as I begin to weep. A single tear drop falls on my cheek from him as he shhs to try and comfort me. I wake up a few hours later and Dean is still holding my hand. He's asleep on my arm. I look at his features. His eyes with bags under them, his scruff longer then usual. His hair matted down. Sam and Castiel come to visit a few hours later. Dean walks over to them and I'm assuming explains. They both give him a hug and leave without saying anything to me. Not that I mind, I wouldn't have responded anyway. I'm released two days later. We get back to the bunker at 11 in the morning and I go straight to our bedroom. I fall asleep almost instantly. Dean wakes me up hours later to give me something to eat.

"I'm not hungry" I mumble out.

"Please eat, then I'll go" he whispers out in the dark room. I sit up and he turns the light on. I eat one piece of toast and push everything away. "Please eat more" he says.

"Please turn off the light" I ask him turning away and wrapping myself up in the blanket. I wake up around 4 am to use the bathroom and Dean isn't in bed. I slowly get out of bed and after using the bathroom I go look for him. I find him drinking something dark out of a glass on the couch. I walk over and sit down next to him. I put my feet up on the couch and lay my head on his lap. I begin to weep. He rubs my hair and I fall asleep in his lap. I wake up a bit later and he's sleeping. His head leaned back against the couch and his hand laid over the back with the glass in his hand. I slowly try to get up without waking him.

He moves "huh" as I sit up. "Where are you going?" He asks me.

"To take a bath" I tell him turning away.

"Let me" he says standing up. I nod my head and head to the room to get my things. I walk into the bathroom and Dean is just sitting down in it with the water still running. He swings his head in a gesture for me to come over. I drop the robe on the floor and get in. I lean into him and he holds on to me tightly. We stay there, him holding me, until the water gets cold.


	19. Chapter 19: First Hunt

I can't eat anything. All I do is sleep. I don't want to do anything. I know I'm depressed but I don't care enough to get help. Dean's not the same either. I can tell he's putting on a strong front in front of me but it's not strong enough to hide. I see the pain in his eyes when he looks at me. A few days later I wake up alone in the bed. I'm not surprised. Dean and I haven't been physically close since the night in the tub. I throw on some clothes and walk out of the room. Dean is in the living room throwing some things into a bag. "I'm going on a hunt" he says zipping the bag without looking up to me.

"Can I come?" I ask, already knowing the answer he'll give.

"Sure" he shrugs. I look back to him no expecting that.

"Really?" I ask, squinting my eyes in his direction.

"Sure. One state away. Should be easy enough to kill on my own so why not let you come" he explains.

I nod my head once "I guess I'll go pack. How long will we be?"

"Just bring 3 days worth of clothes, some kind of suit too" he says. I give him a look and then quickly walk back to the room and grab some things. I don't have a bag so I just walk back out to where he is with things in my hands. When he sees me he walks out and returns quickly with a bag. He tosses it to me and I throw my stuff in.

We're about to leave when Sam walks in. "Where are you going?" He asks looking at the bags.

"To gank a monster" Dean says trying to walk past him.

"Want me to come with? Just take a minute to get my stuff" he gestures kindly.

"No need. Hayden's coming" he nods towards me.

"You think that's a good idea?" He ask eyeing us, knowing things aren't good.

"It's fine Sam" Dean jerks past him. Sam turns to watch him leave and I slink by to catch up. We get in the car and drive off to wherever this hunt is.

When we arrive it's past 11. Nothing to do but wait until morning. We get a one bed motel room and go to sleep instantly. Early the next morning we dress in our suit attire. Dean wearing an all black suit with a white button up and blue striped tie. I put on my fitted black plants, and purple button up and black blazer. He throws me an ID out of his bag and I look at it "FBI? Agent Lauper?" I look at him confused, it even sure when he got one of these for me.

"Gotta get into the morgue somehow" he shrugs zipping his bag up and walking towards the door.

"I don't know if I can do this." I tell him honestly.

"Then stay here" he opens the door not caring to talk me through how it would work. I think for a second but know I don't want to be alone somewhere strange. I walk out the door in front of him and he shuts it. We get to the morgue and he pulls out his I.D. I mimick every step he makes.

"Agent Cobain, Agent Lauper. We're here to see the body of one Mr. Attcott" he quickly flashes the badge so I do the same. The lady looks at them just as quickly and nods.

She gets up from behind her desk and walks us down a corridor "why are the Feds interested in a suicide?"

"Let's just say there might be more to it then what the Dr. found" Dean explains. She looks back at me and I panic. Dean looks at me waiting for a response, letting me take the question.

"Uh. Confidential" I stammer out of nervousness. Dean chuckles under his breath and the woman nods.

"Well here you go agents" she opens a door and let's us in. "I'll be at my desk if you need anything."

When the woman is out of eye sight I hit Dean in the arm "what the hell? Why'd you leave me hanging like that?"

"You gotta learn, I have to throw you in the trenches!" He says finding the appropriate holding tank for the body. "Hold on to your stomach" he says looking at me. I'm annoyed but I nod my head. He rolls out the body and I step back startled. I look away quickly but find my eyes slowly looking back to the body. Dean looks around at the mans body after opening the tarp down to his lower chest.

"What are you looking for?" I ask him.

"Anything interesting or out of place." He answers me.

"Like what?" I ask another question.

"Not sure yet. I'll let you know if I find anything." He says still looking over the body. I stay where I'm standing, uncomfortable being around a dead body. He takes a few pictures and we leave after another few minutes. The women waves at us as we go but Dean keeps eyes forward.

We get back to the motel we are staying at and he uploads a few pictures to a laptop. He shows me one picture he took. There are odd markings on it that don't prove ghost. We need to go to the house of the deceased and look around.

"Of course" I say going into the bathroom to change. I go back out and lay in bed. Im there for sometime waiting for Dean to join me. He doesn't.

"Dean, can you come lay with me?" I ask finally around 2 in the morning.

"Really need to do this research" he says not looking up to me.

"Dean" I say a bit louder to get his attention. He looks at me and I just stare back at him. He sighs and closes the laptop. He sits on top of everything and leaves his shoes and jacket on. I lay down again but turn myself to face him.

"What if we can't get back to where we were?" I ask him

He thinks for a moment "I don't even know if where we were was so great." He looks at me. He must have noticed my hurt expression and explains further "I mean, we were getting somewhere good. But then you were pregnant and things just took off from there in a whirlwind."

"So if I didn't get pregnant, who knows where we would be right now? Or if we'd even be together?" I ask, scared of his answer.

"No Hayden, we would be together. It's just, who knows in what way. Things are different now that we're not expecting a baby anymore." He finishes with a sad look.

"I was really looking forward to you being a dad" I confess to him sadly. He looks down at me and smirks. He opens his arm for me and I snuggle on to his chest. Moving with his breath.

"I still can be" he whispers out. I look up to him confused "but not for awhile" he nods. I nod In return. It's too soon to think about having another baby, we just lost our first one. He reaches for my chin and pulls it up so I'm looking him in the eyes "I love you" he says firmly. It wasn't just his lips telling me, it was his eyes.

"I love you too." And with that, he kisses me with force. Just once. Telling me, that everything will be okay.


	20. Chapter 20: Distracting

"Hayden! Get up!" Dean calls out to me. I roll over to feel him but he's not there. I open my eyes and look for him. "I figured out what we're after. Sam is on his way."

"What is it?" I question sitting up tiredly.

"A witch" he responds not stopping to talk further about it.

"Witch? I thought it was a ghost." I return a bit confused now that it's switched.

"Something in the photos I saw. We have to go to the house now to confirm. Get dressed, I'll be in the car." And with that he opens and shuts the motel door, leaving me alone and confused. I change quickly, brush my teeth and throw my hair back in a braid. I quickly put on my running shoes and leave the room. Dean is waiting in the car. When he sees me he starts it up and as soon as I shut the door behind me, he peels out of the parking lot. We get to the house and he turns the car off. He turns to me and speaks in a hushed voice. "Your going to need to keep the wife busy while I look around." He looks at me.

"How? I'm not wearing a suit or anything. What am I suppose to do or say?" I panic a little

"I don't know, but I need to get in there. You'll think of something. Let's go." He opens his door and gets out. I don't want too but my feet are suddenly moving. He walks to the side of the house and nods encouragingly when I hesitate at the front step. I ring the door bell and look over where he was standing. He's not there. A woman answers the door shortly after.

"Can I help you" she asks

"Oh yes, are you Mrs. Attcot?" I ask.

"Yes" she answers squinting her eyes towards me not recognizing me.

"Hi. I'm Lara Joplin. I'm with the church down the road." I point to my left, hoping she doesn't push any further.

"Okay. What can I do for you?" She asks wiping her nose.

"Oh uhm" I say not sure what to say. I then see Dean behind her slowly sneaking passed. He shoots me a thumbs up and disappears behind a wall. She shuts the door a bit more when she notices that I'm looking inside. "Oh well I was just going for a run and I wanted to stop in and let you know that we are praying for you. We send our deepest condolences." She nods wiping her nose again with another tissue.

"Well, thank you I suppose. I really should get back inside" she says almost shutting the door.

"Wait" I panic. She stops suddenly waiting for me to answer.

"I lost someone too recently. I know how hard it can be to open up to others" I spill out to her. Her head turns and her eyes open as the door does just a bit. We stand in silence, she's waiting for more. "I lost my child. A baby actually." I tell her, her eyes turn soft.

"Oh I'm so sorry" she gapes putting her hand to her mouth.

"It's been really tough. I was looking forward to being a mother, yanno. And then it was just taken away from me. I mean, you were a wife so long and now you're just not. It's just not right." I say. She nods back to me and a tear rolls off her face. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make you cry." I then see Dean walk back into view and gives me a thumbs up, letting me know he either found what he was looking for or was finished looking. "I just wanted to give you an invitation to attend our church. It's helped me so much, I want you to know that you are not alone"

"Well, thank you Lara. That's very sweet. I'll think about it." She wipes her tear away and smiles softly.

"I'll let you get back to your day. Nice meeting you, I hope to see you there." I say stepping back.

"Nice to meet you too!" She hollers. I keep up the facade and run down the street. Dean drives by and picks me up 2 minutes later.

"Good job H" he says as I hop in.

"Find anything?" I ask

"Yup. Hex bag" he pulls out a ratty old bag tied together.

"What's that?"

He unties it and lays it on his lap "bunch of bones and junk witches put together. They put it somewhere there victim will be and cast a spell. It's how that guy died, it wasn't suicide at all." He wraps the bag up and burns it out of the car window. He pulls away and goes back to the motel.


	21. Chapter 21: Kink

Dean explains more about witches until Sam arrives. He walks in the door and Dean automatically recounts what he figured out. I sit on the bed and try to follow along with the conversation.

"So what do we do next?" I ask them.

They both look at me and Sam responds "we have to figure out who this witch is and kill them."

I ask another question "how do we do that?"

"Well" Dean starts to say while walking over to the table to sit "we gotta figure out what kind of witch." I raise my eye brows in confusion, not knowing there can be more than one kind.

"Long explanation, anyway, depending on that we have a few methods to attempt"

"Attempt?" I question.

"Witches are assholes" Dean spits out.

"We've only successfully killed a handful in our time." Sam admits.

"Awesome" I state sarcastically "where do we start?"

"I made some calls and I have a lead. Turns out Mr. Attcot wasn't so loyal. He had a few mistresses he recently stopped seeing due to his wife threatening to divorce him and take half his fortune. One mistress in particular wasn't too thrilled he chose his wife over her. We will start there." Sam explains

"Can we have a minute?" Dean looks towards his brother. Sam nods and exits the room leaving us alone.

"Hayden, I think you should stay here. I know I said you could come along but witches are tricky." He says with concerned eyes. The edges of his lips turned down.

I nod "I'm not gonna fight you. For some reason hunting down demons seemed more reasonable than this." I chuckle out. "I'm fine staying here."

His face lights up just a bit and he smirks. "Oh good. Thanks." He says getting up and heading to the door.

"Wait." I stop him. I get up quickly and walk over to him. I kiss him passionately for a few seconds and pull back"please be careful!" I plead.

"I will" he responds and kisses me quickly again. The door shuts behind him and I stand there alone, my stomach in knots.

Dean calls me a few hours later. They figured out who the witch was and were able to kill her with a spell. He's got a few scrapes and bruises but they were on their way back to the motel and would be back in a few hours. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to get things back to normal with Dean. I miss him even though I see him everyday. So ,I decide to do something different. I run to the store to buy a few things to surprise Dean with when he gets back. When I get back to the motel, I text Sam. "Hey, I want to do something for Dean. Anyway he can just get like dropped off and you find something to do for a few hours? Sorry, I know it's inconvenient but I think we need this" Sam responds back a few minutes later.

"That's fine Hayden. I understand. I'll just take the other car and head back to the bunker. Have fun. We should be back in 30".

I put out the fruit, whip cream and chocolate that I bought and light the candles. I change into the skimpy lingerie and turn the lights off. I sit on the chair facing the door and wait for Dean to arrive. The door opens and he takes one step inside "What the hell?" He asks looking around confused. His eyes find mine and widen just a bit. He tries to hide a smile "what's all this?" He asks walking closer to me dropping his bag when he stops a few feet away.

"Just ready to have some fun" I wink to him pulling out a pair of handcuffs I found in his bag.

"Oh, that kind of fun" he walks over picking up a strawberry and eating it. I raise my eyebrows and he smiles without hiding it. He leans down over me and kisses me hard. Resting his hands on each side of the chair so I can't move. I unbutton his pants as we kiss. "Damn, you look good" he breaths brushing his lips over my collarbone, running his fingernails gently across my arm. He goes to pull off the lingerie but I stop him.

"Uh uh uhh." I say raising the cuffs again. "I'll do all the work tonight." I point to the bed. He smirks and walks over to the bed. I push him down and take off his shirt. I then cuff his hands over his head. One on each side of the bed. At this point he's in boxers only. I grab the whip cream and squirt some into my mouth. He moans in anticipation. I stratal him and squirt a line of whip cream from his heart down to the V line that's visible above his boxers. I work my way slowly down the line sucking up every last bit of whip cream until there's nothing left. I feel how hard he is and slowly take off his last piece of clothing, lingering near it.

"Oh, come on!" He moans out jerking his head up to look down at me. I look up at him and smile. I'm ready to take my time. I play around for awhile, never doing the same thing for long and stopping when I know he's close to finishing.

"You're killing me H! This is so hot" he groans when I stop again. "Just let me out so I can have you" he tries to convince me.

"I told you, I'm doing all the work tonight. I'm calling the shots. You'll just have to lay there and enjoy the torture." I smile to him. He moans in annoyance but his smile tells me he's enjoying it.

The next time I stop, I get an idea. I get off the bed and he looks up again "what? Wait? Where are you going?" He asks desperately.

I shake the curls of my hair out of my face and bite into a strawberry. I slowly move a chair into his eye sight and take a seat in front of him. I rub my hand over my breast grabbing them slightly with a moan and continue to move down my hand slowly down. I begin to pleasure myself and let out moans calling deans name. I throw my head back in pleasure, closing my eyes and continue helping myself. Suddenly, Dean is there, pulling my hand away and replacing it with his mouth. He finishes what I started, making me gasp for air. He then grabs me off the chair. He puts me onto the floor and quickly puts a condom on.

"I can't wait any longer" he moans aggressively. He entered easily and thrusts fast and hard, like its the first time all over again. I call his name over and over again, I feel all of him inside of me. His kisses turn into bites and I moan even louder. He holds my hands above my hand, not letting me take control anymore. After he finishes, we stay on the floor and pant. Trying to catch our breath.

"Hayden. That.. That was incredible" he leans over me.

"You can say that again" I chuckle out agreeing. "How did you get out of those cuffs? I wasn't done torturing you yet" I give him a fake glare.

"You forget who owns those cuffs." He laughs back "besides, I would've went if you kept helping yourself. So friggen sexy." He bites my neck again. I laugh and let him. A while later I get up and go into the shower. I'm only in there for a few minutes when Dean walks in. "Ready for round 2?" He smirks when he opens the curtain. I giggle and nod my head. He growls with excitement and lifts me up. He angles me towards the corner of the shower and moves my legs for best access. It takes us moving around a bit before he can get going but I don't mind. After, we shower together and lay in bed in just our towels.


	22. Chapter 22: A Limit Reached

It's been 3 weeks since we went on the witch hunt together and every time we sleep together, it's some kind of hot or kinky sex. I'm expecting Dean any minute and have everything ready for his first night back. I'm dressed in leather. It's gripping my skin tightly, showing every curve. I put the cuffs we got on the wall, trying something different. Dean walks in with a smile on his face, already knowing that I'm waiting for him. He growls when he sees me. I smile back and he forces me to the wall kissing me hard. I try and turn to get him against the wall but he pulls away

"Let me cuff you tonight?" He asks kissing me again.

"Alright" I say a little nervous. I've never been cuffed before but I want to make Dean happy so I push the thought out of my mind. He takes one hand and cuffs it up. He takes the other and does the same. He starts by kissing me everywhere. I tremble. He begins to pleasure me and I moan "Dean! Yes!" He puts his hand over my mouth and tries to shh me. I try to stay quiet but I moan loudly enjoying it. He takes his free hand again and grabs my neck. At first it's playful but then he gets kind of rough. Making it a bit difficult to breath.

"Dean! Dean!" I panic. He doesn't stop. "Please Dean" I moan out in pain now. He still doesn't let go. I gasp out "stop!" As loud as I can and he pulls both hands away. He looks up at me concerned. "Let me down, Dean! Dean! Let me out of these!" I wriggle my hands in the cuffs, panicking, beginning to produce tears from both eyes.

"Ok. Ok. What's wrong!" He says unlocking the cuffs. I fall to the ground and gasp for air. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?" He leans down next to me.

"I couldn't. You grabbed my neck and I started seeing that man from the cabin." I grab my neck where his hand was feeling and it's warm. He puts his hand over mine and lifts my chin up.

"Hayden. I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking. How could I do this" his green eyes sorrowful.

"It's not your fault" I try to assure him, trying to regain control of my emotions now.

"I got too rough" he returns to me.

I look at him and he looks at me. I ask him "what are we doing? This. This isn't me" I break our stare to look around the room.

"I don't know. It's just what we've been comfortable with since.." He trails off.

I finish the sentence for him "losing the baby." He nods and lowers his eyes. "Is this you?" I ask him moving my hand away from my neck.

He shakes his head no "I've been kinky, but nothing like what we've been doing" he admits rubbing his thumb gently where his hand was. I nod my head understanding.

"I want to get back to where we were before all of this. Before the baby, before the attack, before being hunted." I confess to him.

"There is no going back Hayden" he assures me.

"I know" I admit. I stand up and he follows. I turn around and face my back towards him.

"Can you unzip this please? It's very constraining" I smile over my shoulder. He unzips the leather outfit for me and I throw on one of his old rock T-shirts. He's laying in the bed with an arm open for me so I go and cuddle in it.

"You look better in my old t-shirt anyway" he kisses me softly and I soon fall asleep in his arms.


	23. Chapter 23: Our Pasts

I wake up and Dean is not in bed, as usual. I walk to the kitchen where I assume he will be and find him there. I smile at him stuffing his face with cereal.

"Want some?" He speaks with his mouth full.

"Sure!" I go over and grab a bowl. He pours me the cereal and when he goes to poor the milk I stop him. He raises his eyebrows. "I don't like milk with my cereal" I explain simply.

"What!" His mouth gapes open and he scoops another spoonful in there. "Who doesn't like cereal with milk? That's absurd." He asks with food in his mouth.

I shrug and put a spoonful of dry cereal into my mouth. "One of the many things you don't know about me."

"Lucky that's not a deal breaker. What else you got?" He asks

"You go first!" I scoop another bite in.

"Well since we're on the topic of food, I have to know, please tell me you eat pie!" He looks at me sideways.

"Yuck. I hate pie!" I confess to him. His puts his hand over his heart like he's just been shot. "BUT I do make them, and I'm pretty darn good at it!" I finish.

"How do you not eat pie but can cook em?" He asks

"I'm the child of a NYC Wasp. I'm suppose to be a housewife. I can cook anything!" I explain to him.

"WASP?" He asks smiling

I don't want to get into that now so I say, "A story for another time. Let's stick to food right now."

"How come you've never cooked me one of these amazing meals?" He slurps the milk from his bowl.

"I cooked that one meal, awhile back" I say reminding him of the night we told Sam and Castiel we are expecting.

"Well why don't you cook just for me tonight?" He asks innocently. "With pie!" He adds in before I commit.

"Sure. That'd be fun." I say. He rubs my back as he passes by and I sit there wondering what to make.

Hours later and a big mess in the kitchen, I call Dean in for dinner. He walks in moments after I call

"What have we here?" He walks in licking his lips. He takes a seat at his normal spot and I stand behind him explaining everything I made.

"Okay so we will start with a crispy Orka salad" I point out its location. He gives me a look "or I will start off with the salad" I chuckle. "Dinner, I made bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin with a mushroom barley and celery root slaw. Finally for dessert I made Apple pie. With ice cream!" He looks up to me and smiles.

"This looks delicious H." He stands up slightly and gives me a peck.

"I'll warn you now. I had to get store bought crust! There wasn't enough time to make my own." I warn him "it'd be even better if it was home made" I beam.

"It'll be great. I know it" he says stabbing a pork loin onto his plate. He fills his plate with meat and sides and digs in. I watch him take a bite and smile. I dish some salad onto my plate and eat along with him.

"Can I tell you something?" I look at him sideways admiring the freckles on his face. There so perfectly placed.

"Of course, anything" he says with his mouth full. I sigh and try to think of the words to say. It's silent longer then I would like and Dean must've noticed it as well because he speaks up "what's it about?" He puts his fork down finishing a bite of food.

"My life in manhattan." I say sternly. His eyes stay the same, waiting for me to speak. "I said earlier that I was suppose to be a Wasp. A woman of high class. My family, their very wealthy. In fact, their wealthy enough that I never actually had a family. I'm the only child and my parents were never around. I was raised by nannies. Multiple nannies."

"Why'd you leave?" He asks picking his fork back up but eating slower, listening.

"We got in this fight. I was engaged to a very prominent man in the stock market. He was a nice enough guy. But I just didn't love him enough to spend my life with him. My parents didn't understand. How could they? They didn't actually know me." He hums in understanding. "I told them I was going to call off the engagement. I told them I wanted to be more than a house wife, I wanted to do something important." I take a bite of food and chew it quickly. "They said if I do break off the engagement then I should just leave, because they wouldn't support me anymore. So that's exactly what I did." I finish saying.

"Is that how you wound up in Kansas?" He asks. I nod my head. "Well, I'd say I'm sorry about all of that, but I'm not. Or we wouldn't be here right now" he smiles at me, his eyes shining.

"I don't regret a thing" I smile back.

"Do you miss your parents?" He asks

"No. Like I said. They weren't really family. Besides giving birth to me, they were always too busy with work, fashion, travel or whatever it was to actually be parents." He nods.

"You and Sam are pretty close, has it always been like that?" I ask him. I stand up to serve the pie.

He shakes his head "we've had plenty of off days, months, and even years." He says.

"And your parents?" I ask. His eyes drop down to his plate. "I'm sorry. You don't have to explain." I rub my hand across his back and leave the room to grab the ice cream.

"I don't mind sharing it with you, but it's a long story." He says as I walk back into the room.

"Why don't we enjoy dessert and if your up for it, you can tell me after" I smirk. He smiles back and I scoop ice cream onto his plate.

He takes a bite and moans in enjoyment. "This.." He points down to the dessert with his fork "is perfect. My girl can bake" he takes another bite.

I blush. His girl. Sometimes it still doesn't feel like we're dating. Maybe because we never actually talked about it and it all just sort of happened once we found out about the baby. After dessert I put the dishes into the sink and go into the room with Dean. He leans against the headboard and I sit on the edge of the bed by his knees with my feet tucked under neath me. He slowly begins. "My mom, she died when I was 4. She burned in a fire.." I nod my head "on the ceiling." He adds. My eyes widen in confusion. He continues his story before I could ask. "Then I was in hell. When I got back.." He tried to continue.

"What?" I interrupt him.

"I was in hell" he reiterates

"Literally or figuratively?" I question.

"Literally" he whispers back. I stand up shocked, not knowing that bit of information.

"Hell? You.. You were in hell. What?" I push further sitting back down. He looks at me intently.

"Are you sure you want to hear all of this?" He looks again. I nod my head. "I was, I was a wreck. I was a monster" he looks away from me. He continues on. He finally stops telling his story and we sit in silence. Minutes pass and I suddenly become aware again when I hear him take a deep breath.

"Dean" I say speechless. I look to him and tears are rolling down his face. I grab his hands.

"I'm an awful person, I'm.. I'm not even a person anymore" he whispers "I've never actually thought about everything I've done all together." His eyes are fixed into the distance, reflecting on his past.

I inch closer to him "yes, you are" I pull his eyes up so they are looking into mine "you are amazing. You save people!" He shakes his head disagreeing with me. "Without you, where would this world be? From what I heard, it would be obsolete" he doesn't respond. "You and your brother, you save people, you heal them. You saved- you saved the world" I stop. He still doesn't respond. I pull his eyes back to mine as I inch close to him "you saved me" I add. He sighs a little bit and I see the tension release just a little from his arms. They quickly tighten again.

"There's so much more Hayden. I've done so many things" he searches me, searching for something.

"I don't care. You're the man I know now. It all made you this man" I affirm him. He looks up to me and puts on a fake smile.

"Don't do that" I mumble to him.

"What?" He asks

"Pretend with me." I call him out. He looks at me blankly. "I know you, Dean." I state "I might not know your past, but I know you now. You're putting on this front, you want me to forget the vulnerability you just showed, but I won't." I assure him. He leans in and kisses me.

He pulls away shortly after "promise me you won't stop doing that?" He asks me.

"What?" I ask not sure of what he means.

"Calling me out on my shit. Don't stop that. I need it" he opens his smile showing me his teeth again. I smile back.

I laugh "I won't stop, for as long as you want me around, I won't stop."

He moves slowly to my neck while looking me in the eyes. Making my stomach quiver. He lowers his eyes when it becomes hard to see mine and he moves the hair away from it. He kisses above my collarbone gently then moves back up to see me "and now it's my turn to tell you, don't do that" he addsz

"What" I ask again, wanting to know what he means.

"Act like I'm going to throw you away. Because I won't." He smirks. "You're my girl." He says again. I lean in and kiss him passionately as we fall to the bed to make love.


	24. Chapter 24: Dean's Secret

The weeks begin to blur by as Dean and I become closer. The routine stays the same. Dean hunts with his brother and Castiel. They come back, we spend time together, we talk, we date. One night, it starts to snow as I'm waiting outside in the hammock for Dean to get back. He walks outside slowly and I know something is wrong.

I sit up straight "what is it?" I ask him when he gets close. He sits next to me and the hammock swings a bit.

"Crowley" he spits the name out with disdain.

"The king of hell? What about him?" I ask confused.

"He's pushing for that favor I owe him," he looks at me and I lower my eyes. The favor he owes because of me.

I sigh out watching my breath appear in the air "what does he want?" I say when it disappears.

"He needs help finding something to kill a knight of hell" he explains to me. He mentioned once recently about a woman demon named Abadon, who's a knight of hell. I kind of follow along with what he's saying, getting more caught up on lore while he is gone hunting.

"You can't kill them the same way you kill the others?" I question. He shakes his head no. "How do you kill them?" I ask another question.

"I'm not exactly sure, that's why he needs my help" he leans back swinging his feet off the ground making us rock.

I lay down into his arms "I'm sorry."

"Nothing we can do about it now. I'll be going to meet with him tomorrow" he says rubbing his hand through my hair.

"Can I do anything?" I ask him, knowing very well, I can't much to help him.

"Just keep practicing shooting while I'm gone" he smirks at me but it fades quickly. Dean sleeps for about 3 hours before he gets up to leave. It's typical that he only gets a few hours a sleep a night. I sit up when he grabs his things and wait for him to say goodbye. He leans over the bed and we lock lips.

"I'll see you soon" he says when our lips part.

"See you soon D" I say back.

I lay back down, not being able to go back to sleep. It's just as usual for me to barely sleep when he is gone. Dean is back at the bunker 2 days later. He walks into the room where I'm sitting at a desk reading about vampires from his fathers journal. He looks at me then looks away.

"I'm gonna shower?" He says slinking out his leather jacket and letting it hit the floor

"How did it go with Crowley?" I ask him.

He takes off his shoes and pants and wraps a towel around his waist removing his boxers then.

"It was fine" he says blankly.

It doesn't feel right so I push further. "Dean, what happened?

His head whips around fast and his eyes are dark green in anger "it's fine. Drop it, okay." He tells not asks. I nod my head turning away from him. I hear a small sigh and he walks over to me. "I'm sorry. It was a long couple of days. I need to clean up" he kisses me on the forehead.

As he reaches the door I turn my head over my shoulder "gonna shower in your shirt?" I ask. He ignores me and walks out of the room. I bury my mind back into the journal, pushing my thoughts away.

2 weeks go by and things are pretty much the same. He left 3 days ago to go search for some knife to help kill the knight of hell. He gets back one night and doesn't say a word. He just crawls into the bed and turns away from me.

The next day it's just me and him left in the bunker. I'm doing laundry when Dean walks in with a load to add. I go to sort it but he turns me around quickly and forcefully and lifts me up on top of the running machine. He smiles a wicked smile and begins to unbutton his pants. I pull off my shirt and he pulls at my pants. I start to unbutton his usual plaid shirt but he stops me. "Leave it" he says kissing me with the vibration. I let me hands fall to his waist and we make love in the laundry room.

We have sex in the hammock, the kitchen, in the impala, and the library over the next few days. One night, after sleeping together in Sam's bed I turn over and straddle him "everything okay with you?" I ask stroking his stomach under his shirt.

"Fine" he says looking at me smiling.

"I mean, I know we've gone at it before. But we've been doing it like 3-5 times a day. It's like you can't get enough" I say with a smirk.

"I can't" he smirks back flipping me onto my back kissing me some more. He stops after a few minutes and gets up "I'm gonna shower" and he leaves. I lean up on my elbows and am speechless, he's so different recently, and I can't figure out what the hell it is. I clean up the room and walk out. I need a shower as well and decide to go join Dean. I throw a towel over my body and slowly walk into the bathroom. The steam is covering the room and I pull back the curtain "mind if I join?" I ask flirtatiously.

"Hayden, what the hell! Yes I mind!" He pulls back the curtain. I'm so startled at his reaction I stand there speechless. It takes a moment before I move and walk away. I sit on the edge of the bed and Dean walks in 15 minutes later already dressed. I look at him inquisitively and try to pin point what's different for yet another time that week. He combs his hair back, ignoring me, and goes to walk out. I step in front of him and block the doorway. "What" he looks at me with anger in his eyes.

I grab his right arm and start to pull up his sleeve. He attempts to pull it away from me but I hold on to hard and he yanks me forward, I fall into his chest. He doesn't move to help me readjust. I do so myself, still holding his arm and pull at the sleeve again. He is looking anywhere but at me. "What's this?" I run my hand over the burned marking on his forearm. He doesn't respond. "Dean?" I look up at him. He takes that opportunity to rip his arm from my hand and he walks out of the room. I hear a familiar door shut and he's out of the bunker.


	25. Chapter 25: The Mark of Cain

"Sam! Castiel!" I call out looking for either one of them. Sam walks out to the library first.

"What's on Dean's arm?" I point at my right arm for emphasis.

"He showed you that?" He asks with soft eyes.

"No!" I spit back annoyed. "I walked in on him showering and saw it for myself! What is it?" I demand again.

He sits down in a chair in rubs his hands through his hair "it's the mark of Cain," he says flatly

"What is that?" I sit across from him, listening.

"You ever hear of the story of Cain and Abel?" He asks. I nod yes. "Well it didn't go down exactly the way the bible said." He continues to explain the story.

"Father of murder?" I whisper out when he's done explaining. "So why does Dean have the mark?" I question not following.

"Only the one baring the mark of Cain can kill a knight of hell" Sam tries to explain to me.

"Why doesn't Cain kill Abadon then?" More questions fly through my head.

"He doesn't kill anymore. He wouldn't do it" Sam puts his head down "so Dean has to be the one now" he finishes.

"Oh. And this mark, it's changing him?" I ask looking into Sam's eyes for the truth.

"It wasn't, until he got a hold of the first blade" he says. I give him yet another questioning look. "It's the only weapon that will kill a knight of hell." He says

"And you need the mark of Cain for it to work?" I assume.

"Exactly" he assures me "so we found the blade and he used it to save me. and after that- Well.." He trails off

"Well what, Sam" I yell out impatiently.

"Well he's changing. He's craving to kill. He's addicted to the blade and the power he gets from killing" Sam opens up. I look down at the table lost.

"What do we do?" I question scared of what the answer is.

"I don't know. I'm keeping the blade away from him. He's not happy, I think he's trying to fill that void somehow" he stops talking.

"Yea, with sex" I say out loud. He gives me a look of horror, and I realized I shared too much with his brother "sorry" I shrug. "Can I do anything?" I ask.

"I don't know Hayden, I honestly don't. Once Abadon is dead, hopefully we can get rid of the blade for good and get rid of the mark."

I nod agreeing with him. "Thanks for telling me" I stand up. I walk over to him and he smirks at me. I punch him in the arm.

"Ow! What's that for?" He grabs his arm

"For not telling me sooner!" I walk away from him.

Dean doesn't come back to the bunker for another day. I tried to call him but every call went to voicemail. He wouldn't pick up calls from Castiel or Sam either. When he does return there is lust in his eyes. He comes over to where I'm standing and hoists me up grabbing my ass and wrapping my legs around him. He's forcing his lips against mine and I try to mumble out his name but can't. He walks over to the huge table and pushes off all of the books and lays me down. He goes to unbutton his jeans but I stop him. He looks at me and the lust doesn't leave his eyes. "I need you" he pants out grabbing at the button again. I grab his hand and move it away.

"No, you don't. You need the blade" the lust in his eyes instantly changes to rage and he slams both hands hard against the table on either side of me. I jump startled and afraid inching as far into the table as I can be. He doesn't move his hands away and just stares at me. I gulp hard and stare back at him "Dean" I whisper out. His eyes begin to slowly soften. I raise one hand and gently touch his arm. His arms loosen as well and he moves away from me. I slide off of the table and follow him onto the couch.

"I don't know whats gotten into me" he shakes his head

"It's the mark" I tell him grabbing ahold of his arm and rolling the sleeve up. I look down at it, studying it. He looks down at it as well.

"It's not the mark" he retorts back to me and pulls his arm gently away.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" I push lightly, trying not to anger him.

"There's nothing to tell, it's just another step in saving the world" he says sarcastically.

"Dean, I want to be in this with you. You can tell me anything" I confess to him

"If I tell you" he starts to say "then it becomes real. There's no make believe or playing nice. If I tell you, then it's harder for me to keep you safe, to protect you."

I shake my hair "you don't need to protect me anymore Dean." I say. He looks at me like I just said something utterly stupid. "I mean it, I know you. I know what you do and what you've done. I'm still here" I touch his face and keep it there. He leans into it.

"It's not that easy" he admits.

"I didn't say it would be" I interrupt him before he could say more. His leg starts to shake like he's itching for a fix. I know what he needs.

"Do you want to go back to the table?" I smirk at him. If sex is what will help stop the craving to kill, sex is what I'll give him. He looks at me shocked then looks down to the floor.

"Naw, that's okay Hayden" he says trying to hide his smirk.

"I don't mind, I like sex too, yanno" I say to him. His smirk turns into a smile and he quickly lifts me up again. Grabbing me like before only this time I wrap my legs around him willingly. I pull at his shirt, and this time he lets me take it off. We get it off and as he begins to unbutton my top we hear a cough come from the other side of the room. Dean looks up and I look back behind me with my head upside down. Castiel is standing there awkwardly.

"Cassss. What do you need?" Dean asks dropping his head sighing. I chuckle and look at Dean and the frustrated lines on his face.

"It's uh, Crowley. He uh, is on the phone for you" he holds up his phone.

"Tell him I'll call him back" he raises his tone just a little.

"Dean, I'm sure your little darling would much rather have victory sex after you kill Abadon" the Scottish mans voice rings out.

"Speaker phone" Castiel shrugs his shoulders. I laugh some more.

Dean lifts himself up from the table and walks over to Castiel grabbing the phone. I sit up and turn to watch. I button up my shirt and notice Castiel blushing with his head down.

"You've got eyes on Abadon?" Dean grunts into the phone

"No you Baffoon I just like to make crank calls. Yes I have eyes on the wicked wench. Do you have the blade?" Crowley asks him. Dean turns the phone off of speaker and starts to walk out.

I hear Dean say "I'll get it. Where are you" and he's gone. Me and Castiel are left standing in silence.

"Sorry about interrupting- That.." He points to the table.

I laugh "it's okay, at least it was good timing, could've been worse" I start to pick up the books strewn across the floor. He gives me a confused look and I just stare at him waiting for it to connect.

"Ohh!" His eyes light up when he realizes. "Before you actually started to have sex together. I- uhm, I understand" he nods walking away. I laugh more and try to keep my mind off of the idea that Dean is going to finally kill Abadon with the blade and that will mean for him after. It's been months that they've been after her, and who knows what will happen.


	26. Chapter 26: Demon Dean

My phone rings at 4 in the morning. I pick it up instantly, awake anyway. "Hello" I say eagerly waiting to hear Dean's voice.

"Hayd.. Hayden.." Sam chokes out over the phone.

"Sam?" I ask nervously now.

"You need to leave the bunker. You can't be home for this" he chokes out again.

"Home for what? What are you talking about?! Where's Dean? What's wrong?" I start to panic, instantly knowing something is off with him.

"You need to be gone within the hour! I'll call you back later" he says hanging up the phone. I call him back.

I yell into the phone "what's going on?!"

"I can't tell you. Just be gone alright. I won't come in unless you are gone." He waits for my reply.

"Fine!" I slam the phone down getting up and getting dressed. I pace around the bedroom for another 15 minutes. I decide I'm not going anywhere, if something is involving Dean than I have a right to know about it. I drive my car down the road and park it where it can't be seen from the road. I jog back to the bunker and wait. Soon after I return I hear the door to the impala slam shut. I duck behind a pillar. Even if he does see me, it'll be to late and whatever it is he is hiding, I'll know. Castiel leads the way and behind him Dean walks in, his face facing down but I can see the contortions of his face and he's not happy. Sam walks in closely behind him and I notice he's pushing him by. I see Dean's hands cuffed together in front of him. "Sam! What are you doing?" I shout out to him and come into view.

All 3 of their heads swivel quickly. "Hayden! Go!" Sam points to the doorway behind me.

I take a step closer and deans eyes change to black "hello sweet thing" his smile is evil and filled with deception. I stop in my tracks. He laughs loudly as he continues to walk. His laugh chills me to the bones and I'm frozen in place.

I'm not sure how much time has passed but Sam walks back in and over to me. His tall stature gets into view and I blink up to face him "what- what happened? I thought he couldn't get possessed by demons?" I ask confused, remembering the night months ago I asked about his tattoo.

"He's not possessed by a demon. He is a demon." He says walking over to the chair. I turn my body to face him, needing more than that.

"I don't follow" I blink wide eyed.

"It's the mark" Sam explains "he killed Abadon but he was injured in the process. He, he died" Sam looks away from me, clearly upset as well.

"Died? How could he have died? He just walked in.."

"I guess died is the wrong word. He changed. The mark took over him, it turned him into a knight of hell" Sam continues "he was fighting the urges before but after he died, or whatever, it took over and it turned him. He's not Dean anymore." Sam finishes eyes averted from mine l.

"So what now?!" I panic. I grab my heart as I can feel it breaking inside of me. I sink down into the chair and let the tears roll from my face.

"We are going to try something." Sam lifts his face to mine. His face is contorted with similar pain.

"What?" I ask pleading for answers.

"Injecting him with blood." He goes on explaining "if we inject him with purified blood-"

"Wait, purified blood?" I interrupt

"we can get blood that's blessed by a priest, or we can repent our sins and use that blood to inject him with-" He explains.

"How much blood?" I ask next, still not letting him finish.

"A pretty big vile size." He holds open his fingers to show me. "8 times, the start of every hour" he explains.

"And it will work?" I ask after he explains "you've done this before?"

He shrugs his shoulders "we've done it before, but didn't complete it."

"What? Why?" I ask

"It's kind of a long story for another time, basically if I cured Crowley, I would've died. Dean stopped me. It was working though, he was basically human again" Sam finishes he looks at me sideways.

"What?" I sigh. "Basically?"

"I don't think you should go in there, but I think we should use your blood." Sam says.

I sit up straighter "why don't you want me to go in there?"

"He's not Dean anymore." He says simply.

"I understand that. But I'm going to see him, you can't stop me Sam." I assure him

He shrugs "don't say I didn't warn you" he walks out of the room and I follow him. We walk to a room and stop outside the door. I've lived here for so long but have never been through the door. Dean didn't want me too and I wanted to honor that. Now that it's Dean behind the door, I feel sick not listening to him, but I know I need to do this.


	27. Chapter 27: Gone

Sam turns to me when his hand touches the door and pauses. "Don't come in right away. Just wait, I'll let you know when to come in." He looks at me to confirm and I nod my head. He opens the door and we go inside. I hear a whistling sound but can't see the body it's coming from. Sam puts his hand out to stop me where I am. He pulls out a shelf full of boxes and folders and walks inside a hidden room. I stay out of site, waiting for Sam to call me in.

"There is nothing you can do Sam. I'll get out of here, and you know I'll kill you myself" Dean's voice echoes. It's Dean but it's dark. Sam doesn't respond, instead I hear a metal cart drag across the floor.

"Why don't you let the brawd in?" Dean calls out. I don't take the bait.

"I don't know what your talking about Dean, no one else is here" Sam responds with the lie.

"You mean to tell me the needs to be loved, obsessive, bimbo bitch isn't standing out in the hall"

I storm into the room and walk straight towards Dean, preparing the hardest slap I've ever have to give. Sam quickly steps in front of me and holds me back.

"I'll show you bitch!" I yell out to him still trying to get passed Sam.

"Hayden, stop" Sam insists.

"Yea, Hayden. Stop." Dean mimics cackling towards me.

I calm myself down and Sam loosens his hold on me. "You good?" He asks eyeing me. I nod my head and he lets go. He turns his back and walks towards the cart. I quickly move forward and punch Dean in the face. His head jerks back. I don't even make him bleed. I turn quickly away to hide my face from him, my hand in unbearable pain.

"Break a nail my highness?" Dean laughs more.

I give him a death glare over my shoulder and Sam reaches me. "Your fingers broken" he holds it up a little and I squint in pain.

"You were going to use her blood to try and save me. Pathetic" he spits out. Sam walks me out of the room and back into the library.

"I told you.." Sam starts to say

"I know. I know. Forget it okay. It's out of my system, let's get this started. I don't want him to be a demon any longer than he already is" I say squinting as he tends to my hand.

"You shouldn't go back in there. He's going to say a lot worse."

"I'll be fine" I assure him "like I said, it's out of my system now." Sam finishes up with my finger in silence and then he looks at me strangely.

"What?" I ask, wanting to keep this thing rolling.

"You need to confess your sins, all of them" he tells me.

"Ugh. Okay well.." I sit back down and confess my sins. I've been to confession once before, when I was 12. It's still just as awkward. I stand up afterwards and look over to Sam. He's leaning against the wall and smirks when I make eye contact, understanding how awkward everything just was and trying to ignore that tension.

"Let's go" he pushes himself off the wall and leads the way back to the dungeon. Except Dean is no longer in the chair.

"Shit! Where is he!" I yell out walking in before Sam.

"How'd he get out?!" Sam yells back looking around. He walks over to the Devils trap and notices the scuffed paint on the floor. He turns his head to my feet and I look down at my heeled shoes. I scuffed up the mark after I hit him, shuffling back from the pain in my hand.

"Sam. I'm so sorry, I didn't even-I don't.." I stop talking. He shakes his head not answering me.

He turns to the table he had set up with the needle and sees a note written on the table. It reads

-Sammy, Let me go. You too, Hayden.

"Sam.." I say out loud.

He turns to me with a determined look on his face and he says "we will get him back." He walks back out of the room with a heavy step.


	28. Chapter 28: Our Plan

We search for weeks and don't get anywhere. We use all resources we can. I tag along everywhere Sam and Castiel go. He has to be somewhere. Sam starts to push us away and go off on his own. Castiel and I search together, although we're not the best hunters we do what we can. One night, we are working our way through bars in a town east of Little Rock. We were given so many false hints from demons as to where he could be, but we followed through with every single one of them. Not wanting to take a chance on giving up on a real clue. I walk in to another location and walk over to the bar. I order a soda and sit down on a stool. I drink half of it without seeing anything and decide to move on to the next one. As I'm about to walk out the door a familiar voice starts to sing out. I turn slowly and duck behind some people.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt.." He starts to sing. My face blushes in anger and embarrassment. I duck outside the door quickly and reach for my phone. A short stout man in a suit appears in front of me.

"Hello love."

"Crowley" I gander at him. I never got a good look that one time I saw him before and give him a once over. Balding, scuffed face, puffed cheeks and a devious smile fit for the king of hell.

"Like what you see?" He smirks. I roll my eyes in return.

"Do you need something, or just here to ruin my life some more?" I spit out putting my hands on my hip.

"On the contrary dear, who do you think got Dean here to begin with" he smiles.

"What do you mean?" I squint in his direction

"Take him with you. You can have him back" he explains.

"What's in it for you?" I question knowing not to trust a demon, especially the king of hell.

"You get him out of the way. He's not really good- for business" he drags out the last word.

"And I'm suppose to trust you?" I ask

"Trust me, don't trust me just take the Winchester and be gone" he finishes and disappears. I stay stunned for a few more seconds and call Sam.

"I can be there in a few hours! Don't lose him!" He says in the phone.

"He's a demon! If he even sees me he'll just disappear or kill me!" I quickly return to him

"Then don't let him he see you!" He returns and hangs up the phone. I call Castiel and he will be here soon to meet me. I slink bank inside the bar and find another place to stand and hide. Castiel walks in the bar, not very secretly. Luckily, Dean was stumbling back to the bar for another drink and wasn't in view of the door. I wave him over quickly and gesture my hands for him to stay low. Of course he took it literally and bucked his knees to shrink. I try not to smile but a little one creeps across my face. I shake my head slightly. He takes things so literally. He slinks next to me and I order two drinks.

"What are we going to do?" He asks taking a hold of the beer I ordered for him.

"Sam said to wait, keep an eye on him. He should be here before closing." I explain drinking my drink.

He sips his "what if he leaves?"

"Then we follow him" I say flatly.

Dean does shot after shot and drinks beer after beer. He sings 4 more awful karaoke songs through the night and hits on 4 different woman after each one. I'm sick to my stomach watching and want to punch him in the face all over again. I remind myself about my injured finger and that nothing I would be able to do physically would hurt him.

"This is making you uncomfortable?" Castiel finally says looking to me.

"He's such a pig" I choke out "Dean wouldn't do this to me, not the real Dean" I try to convince myself.

"Well good thing it's not the real Dean." Sam's voice calls to us from a far. Castiel and I spot him at the same time and he nods his head in our direction.

"We need to get him out of the bar" Sam says when he's next to us.

"How?" I question.

"He's trying to hook up, let's give him someone to hook up with" Sam tries to explain. Me and Castiel look between us and are confused and our eyes find Sam's again. "You, Hayden" he points to me.

"But he can't know I'm here!" I whisper as I move closer in to him so he could hear me better.

"He won't. You're his type, obviously. Just dance with a few other guys, you'll catch his eye from behind and when he comes to you let him follow you outside to the back alley and then we get him from there." He explains

"How am I suppose to know when he's walking to me?" I give him a look. He goes into his jacket pocket and pulls out 2 blue tooth head pieces and smiles. I shrug out of my jacket and pass it over to Castiel. I take out my hair and let the curls fall over my back. I use the hair tie to tie up the plaid shirt I'm wearing showing some skin I finish by unbuttoning one to many buttons on the shirt.

"Here I go." I wave them off. I turn on my heels and walk into the crowd. I find a spot close enough to the door to get out before he reaches me but still crowded enough he couldn't come around to face me. I start to dance and find my self being grabbed pretty quickly after, thrusting hips with strangers.


	29. Chapter 29: Deanmon

"He's walking towards you, head out!" I hear Sam yell into my ear.

I push away the strong grip of a drunk man and start to walk out. I reach the door and hear his voice, "playing hard to get" he laughs out. It takes everything in me not to turn around and face him. I walk into the alley way behind the bar, careful not to let him see me. "You shouldn't be out here with a body like that, it could be dangerous" he calls out to me.

"NOW!" Sam says into the phone. I stop walking and turn slowly.

Dean's eyes turn black once he recognizes me. Sam jumps out from where he was hiding and throws holy water at him. He burns, and he yells, and Sam continues to throw holy water on him until he is on his knees. Sam tries to cuff him but Dean laughs and launches him across the alley way into a garbage bin.

Sam isn't moving and he turns his attention to me with a smirk "couldn't let me go, huh?" he walks towards me.

"This isn't you, you won't kill me." I say to him firmly.

"Why? Because you were my girl?" He pouts his lip making fun of me. I don't respond. "There's been a lot of girls in my life darling, and there will be a lot more, only you are no longer one of them." He says as his steps pick up.

I pick of the pace of my steps backwards as he picks his up towards me. I trip and fall back to the ground. He gets closer and I look up to him.

"I love you, Dean." I try one more thing. He's standing above me now.

"I don't love you" he says pulling the first blade out of his sleeve. "Get up" he commands me. I slowly get up, my legs quivering beneath me. He takes two steps towards me and grabs me by the arm. He starts to pull me forward but Castiel walks out with angel blade in hand. Dean moves quickly and phis blade is now resting on my neck. They stare at each other and Castiel lowers his blade and moves aside. Dean walks backwards, eyes on Castiel and blade on me. He throws me into the trunk of a car and speeds off. I do my best to kick my way out, but it's to no avail. It's not long after that we stop. Minutes pass before he opens the trunk. I kick him in the stomach and jump out, running away. It doesn't take long before he catches up to me, grabbing my hair and tugging me towards a room. He throws me onto the bed and straddles me, putting all of his weight on me. I scratch, kick and try to bite but but he's too powerful. He ties my hands to the bed, rendering them useless.

"You should've let me go" he smirks ripping my shirt off with one tug. His eyes linger over my bra.

"Please don't do this" I beg.

"Somethings are worse than death" he laughs pulling at my pants, wriggling them off of me. "Come on, you love me." He mocks.

He stands up to undress himself unbuttoning his shirt "you'll have to live with the fact that your precious man, me, was all to willing to have some fun.." He starts to unbutton his pants "while my brother. My brother will have to live with the fact he couldn't save you." He smiles after saying that. He lowers his pants just a little and is on top of me again.

"Dean" I whimper to him, tears starting to form.

"Your tears won't stop me." He forces his lips against mine. Holding my head with one hand and fondling me with another. A few minutes pass of him trying to kiss me before he goes to move on. He tries to thrust himself in but I move to much. He stands up and buttons his pants "I usually like to make sure everyone is happy at the end. But I don't feel like I have the time for that today, maybe next time we'll have some fun." He picks up his shirt and as he does the door bursts open. His head turns quickly, eyes black, ready to fight. He looks at the table for the blade but Castiel blocks it.

"What! How?" He howls.

"Crowley's been a big help to us" Sam says throwing holy water on to Dean. He screams in agony and steams comes off his body. I inch as close to the headboard as possible trying to cover myself up. I watch in horror as brother cuffs brother "stop, it's over. Dean, it's over!" Sam urges him holding him down on the ground. Deans eyes are darker than they've ever been before as he looks up to his little brother holding him down.

Castiel comes over to me and unties my hands. I hold my self together in a ball. He looks at me with saddened eyes and shrugs out of his trench coat. He lays it next to me and walks Dean out of the room with Sam. When the door shuts behind them I get up quickly and run into the shower. I scrub every thing raw. I get out and look in the mirror. Tears still rolling down my face. I put the trench coat on and walk out of the room.

I walk over to Sam and Castiel and they are both looking at me with sad, pitiful eyes. "Hayden, what happened?" Sam asks

"Nothing happened Sam" I assure him looking through him

"But.." Castiel pipes in

"Nothing happened, you came before he could do anything" I lie to them. I won't let Dean get the satisfaction of hurting Sam like that too.

"We should get going" I say opening the back door to the impala. They look at each other and Sam shrugs. We get in the car and drive off.

"Are you sure you still want to use your blood? I can do it." Sam asks again, trying to be sympathetic.

I sigh "I'm sure. It needs to be me." I assure him. We stop at a church along the way for me to confess my sins again. We get back to the bunker and I go inside first. I'm not ready to see Dean's face again.

A while later Sam knocks on my door "Hayden?" He asks peaking his head in.

"Yea Sam?" I ask looking at myself in the mirror.

"We're ready when you are" he takes one step in.

I look at him through the mirror "can we start tomorrow? I'm exhausted" I fake a yawn.

"Sure" he says and walks out. I spend the entire night staring at myself in the mirror. Wishing he had just killed me.


	30. Chapter 30: Injected

I walk in to the dungeon the next day and go straight to Sam. Dean is rambling on profanities and other hurtful words to all 3 of us.

"You need to confess anything before you start this?" Sam asks holding the syringe.

"Already did" I simply say. He sticks my arm, drawing the blood and walks over to Dean

"You still think the whores blood is going to cure me" he growls out after and Sam simply sticks him with the blood. He screams in agony and I walk out of the room. We continue for another 5 hours. After the 5th time, Dean is finally becoming weak. After he's injected his head drops. Sam drops his eyes when he's done and throws the syringe on to the metal cart, it pings as it lands. He leaves the room and I follow him. He pours himself a glass of whiskey and sits down.

"You remind me of him" I sit across from him

"It's not working like it did before" Sam says after taking a gulp.

I look at him confused "what do you mean?"

"I think we're killing him" his eyes glaze over like he's holding back tears.

"Is there any other way" I ask, silently praying. He shakes his head no. "So we might kill him?" I whisper.

"Yes" he says but adds on "but if it doesn't work, we can't let him go on being a demon."

"I know" I sigh out "hopefully this works, it's all we have" I get back up and walk back to the room.

We wait and do the 6th hour. Sam and Castiel leave the room and I sit in the corner, head down, waiting.

About half an hour later Dean speaks up. His voice is low "you know this is killing me"

"I know" I return to him.

"You want to kill me?" He says looking up, his eyes green.

"Does it matter what I want?" I throw back to him

"No" he simply says and we sit in silence again. We finish the 7th hour and all 3 of us leave the room. None of us can take to see the pain it's causing him. We sit in silence. As time ticks by my stomach knots even further. There's something I've been putting off doing for a few hours now. Something I need to do. I stand up and head towards my room.

"Where are you going?" Sam looks up to me with tired eyes.

"I'll be right back. 5 minutes." I assure and walk out.


	31. Chapter 31: New News

There's 10 minutes left until we inject Dean with my blood, one last time. This one will either cure him, or kill him. I walk back into the room Castiel and Sam are silently sitting. Slowly, unsure I even want to go back out there. I walk into the room and Castiel notices me first. "What's that you're holding?" He asks looking at my hands.

Sam's head lifts up and he stands up soon after he sees me "Hayden" his voice rings firmly.

I take a deep breath and move my fingers away, my eyes float over the stick and there it is, 2 lines.

"I'm pregnant" I look between them, their faces just as shocked as mine.

"What?" Sam spits out instantly after walking next to me to take a look. I sit down slowly, allowing him to see it.

"We have to go get ready to inject Dean again" Castiel says to us both.

"We can't! What if this is why he's dying! What if it's because she's pregnant" Sam rubs his hand through his hair.

"What if it's not?" Castiel returns back "this could be curing him just as much."

"We have to stop! We will let him heal and then we will do it again. Only with my blood." Sam yells walking out of the room.

"SAM!" Castiel yells out. He looks to me as if to ask if I'm going to stay there and I nod. He follows Sam out. I sit there for another minute then get up and leave the room, never intending to stop.


	32. Chapter 32: Dean Returned

Except I don't follow Castiel and Sam. I walk to the dungeon Dean is being held in. I walk in and he smiles at me weakly "ready to finish the job? This will kill me" he states. I ignore him and plunge the syringe into my arm. I fill the vile up with blood.

"Just remember who killed who, you'll be a monster now too" he says. I ignore him and insert the vile. His head drops down and everything is quiet and he slowly slumps down. I step away from him and wait. A few minutes later Sam and Castiel run into the room.

"What did you do!" Sam stops short when he sees me standing there. Castiel walks past him and touches Deans neck.

"There's a pulse. It's faint, but it's there" he tells us.

"I told you we weren't going to finish it this way" Sam's eyes are filled with anger towards me.

"I wasn't going to just stop. He needs to be cured and it needed to be done now!" I fight back loudly.

"And what makes you think you can make that decision!" He gets closer to me.

I follow his lead and I step closer to him, going on my tip toes to get taller "the moment I found I was pregnant!" I grit angrily between my teeth. He steps back a little bit, but he's still angry. We stare at each other.

"You guys" Castiel's voice coos over the silence. We look over at Dean and he's lifting his head. His eyes are black but fade away to his normal green, but not the way it normally would when demons hide themselves. Sam steps closer back to me and the 3 of us just stare at him.

Dean looks between us "you look worried." His voice is low and scratchy. Sam walks over and grabs the holy water off the cart he quickly unscrews the lid and splashes it on Dean. Nothing happens. Sam's frown turns into a small smile.

"Welcome back" he says walking into the circle and uncuffs him.

"Thank you Sammy" he says hugging his brother. Castiel walks up to him and they also embrace. When they let go the 2 of them part to the side giving Dean a clear view of me.

"Hayden.." He says warmly with a small smile. He says my name and I feel ill. I turn and walk out of the room without saying a word back. He walks in the room and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with my feet up on the bed frame and my head between my knees. "Hayden" he whispers and goes to his knees to try and look at me.

I lift my head a little bit and look at him through my hair "I'm pregnant Dean" I tell him holding his stare. He smiles

"Really?" He gushes with a smile.

"It's not a good thing" I say, tasting the anger.

"I'm me now. It'll be okay. We can work through this" he touches my leg. I flinch when he does and he moves it away, slowly hovering for just a second.

I feel my stomach turn and I quickly run into the bathroom. I throw up and sit there on the floor. Head hovering over the toilet. Dean walks in slowly and slides to the floor. "I shouldn't be pregnant" I tell him.

"We didn't talk about it but we've been here before, we were happy when we were going to be parents before" he says calmly.

"That's not what I meant." I sigh, "The doctor, after I lost the baby. He told me I wouldn't be able to have kids anymore. He said after what happened, it would be impossible" a tear rolls down my face.

"He must've been wrong" Dean assures moving closer to me "you never told me." He adds on in a whisper.

"Or what's inside of me, isn't a baby!" I choke on the last word, feeling sick again. I lean over and wait, all I do is dry heave.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I can't be too far along Dean, you've had the mark of Cain for awhile now. You were different after that." My eyes avert to his arm.

"So what your saying is.." He trails off looking away

"what if this baby is a monster?" I ask him. He doesn't look back to me and we don't say anything more.


	33. Chapter 33: Removing the Mark

The next day Dean comes around to talk. I still don't know what to say to him and ask to be left alone. He obliges and let's me be. I stay in the bedroom and contemplate everything. Demon Dean, my Dean, what he did, being pregnant. I don't know what to do, or where to look for any sort of answers. I lay in bed and I know I need to talk to Dean soon. I close my eyes and try to think back to simpler times. I crawl out of bed at 5 in the morning unable to get any real sleep. I walk out of the room and find Dean in his usual spot. Drinking whiskey at the table. I walk over and sit down across from him. He looks up at me and just stares. His green eyes burn into me and I start to get uncomfortable. "Dean" my eyes avert from him as I say his name.

"You know everything I did, everything I said, wasn't me, right?" He assures

I nod "I don't know if that makes it worse or not. And what you did-" I trail off looking at the wooden table, following the distressed lines.

"Wasn't me" he adds "Hayden. I didn't feel when I was.." He pauses "when I was a demon."

"I don't know what's gonna happen with us Dean, but I can't even think about us right now. We need to figure out about this baby." I advised him.

"What's there to figure out?" He gives me a look.

"I shouldn't be pregnant but I am. How is that going to work out?" I questioned. "We need to go to a doctor" I finish.

"We need to see someone else first" he stands up and pours himself another drink. I sit, waiting for him to tell me who. "Cain" he downs the entire glass and my eyes open wide.

"I don't think that's a good idea" I say looking down to his arm.

"Maybe he'll have answers" Dean shrugs "maybe he won't."

"And he's safe to be around?" I question

"He doesn't kill anymore. We will be fine." He says and sits back down "we can go today. Take a couple hours to get there."

"Fine" I recited to him. "But I'll drive" I push myself out of the chair and leave the room. I change, pack a bag, and walk back out to wait for Dean. An hour passes before he's ready. We walk outside and I go to the impala but he goes over to my jeep. He gives me a look and I give him one back. "We're taking the impala" I insist.

"Not unless I'm driving" he insists back. I stare at him and he stares at me. I won't cave and after a few minutes standing there he grunts through his teeth "fine". He walks over and gets in the passenger side of the impala. The beginning of the ride is silent, not even music is playing. Dean tries his best at making small talk but I avoid every advance. He finally gives up and plays old rock on his radio. It's take a while but we finally pull up to a small ranch house.

"This is it?" I ask looking around

"Yup" he says opening the door before I even turn it off. He puts his hands on top of the car and looks at me "stay behind me okay" his eyes ooze with compassion. I look away from him, not agreeing but wait for him to walk forward. We walk slowly to the front door and he knocks. After a few moments waiting, the door opens and an older man is on the other side.

"Hello Dean" he says leaving the door open and walking back inside. Dean follows him so I follow Dean. We walk into a living room area and sit down. Cain across from us. "This is her" he nods towards me while looking at Dean.

"Yea" he says staring back at Cain. I turn to him for answers but he doesn't look back to me.

"Why are you here Dean? I heard you became a demon. But here you are, human?" Cain's tone fluctuates, asking a question. I stare at the beard the man is stroking, grey with age and something more.

"Purified blood, hours of torture, wasn't comfortable" Dean adjusts. I give him a glare and he changes the topic "we need to talk to you about something" he says. Cain's eyes stay trained on Dean. "Well uh, Hayden is pregnant and she conceived after I took on the mark." He finishes

"Have you been in contact with the first blade yet, before she concieved?" He asks Dean. My head turns to him, unsure of the answer.

"Yes" he says.

"I see. Were you a demon?" He asks.

"Not when she got pregnant" Dean states instantly.

"I see." Cain says standing up giving him an odd look. He turns his back to us and walks over to a picture and holds it.

"Who's that?" I speak softly.

"Her name was Colette" Cain returns to me "she was my one love."

"And she passed away?" I ask him. Dean's eyes widen as I ask questions, but I ignore it.

"Brutally, yes." He confirms

"I'm sorry. Did you have children?" I ask standing up walking over to him. I get close enough to see the woman in the photo. She's beautiful.

"Never wanted any" he reported lowering the photo back on to the mantle.

"Why?" I ask

He spins around quickly, eyes dark, and grabs ahold of me, hands on my neck ready to twist it "because of the mark!" He growls. Deans on his feet, first blade raised in hand, ready to attack.

"Let her go Cain!" He yells. My breathing comes out panted, scared.

"You have asked yourself how to get rid of the mark, yes?" Cain inquires to us. Dean stares at him, not responding. I whimper a simple yes to his question. "The mark was branded once I killed my brother. The mark represents murder and death. There is only one thing that can counter that.." He stops explaining. I look around confused, unsure of what he means. Deans eyes widen.

"Life" Dean whispers. My eyes widen as well, tears begin to well in my eyes.

"No!" I shout out and Cain jerks my head a bit to calm me.

"Yes, life. The mark will be passed on from Dean to your child. Dean will no longer bare the burden, but your child will" he finally explains. "There was no reason to have a child with Colette, who should want to raise a child of murder" he hisses towards Dean.

"Let. Her. Go" Dean cautions him. Cain's grip loosens and he begins to let me go. I slowly move away, Dean lowering the blade. Before I reach Dean Cain's hand is gripping my wrist and he tugs it so I'm facing him, I can see Dean getting into a fighting stance again. Cain spits to me in a hushed tone only I can hear "take care of it" and he lets me go. I go quickly over to Dean and we start to walk out.

"Don't let me see that blade again Dean!" Cain calls out as we reach the door. Neither of us respond and we walk to the car. The rain pelting me, every drop numbing my body.


	34. Chapter 34: Reminding Dean

We drive for about 30 miles before Dean pulls off the road and into a motel. He gets a room and we go inside. We sit silently apart from each other some more. Some time passes before one of us speaks.

"What did Cain say to you when he grabbed you again" he asks

"I don't even remember" I lie to him. He gives me a look "I was trying to get out of there as fast as possible, I wasn't listening to the crazy man who's hands were wrapped around my neck" I spit out. He sighs and sits back in the chair.

"Do you think he's right?" Dean asks finally

"I don't know" I say flatly "are we willing to find out?" I look up to him and he looks to me.

"H.." He starts to stand up with concerned eyes.

I throw my hand up quickly "don't. Stop" I say and he freezes. "We're not there anymore Dean." I gesture between us. "You can't just come over here, give me a hug, kiss me on the forehead and make everything alright anymore" I ramble out "it's not alright! You basically tried to rape me!" I choke out the words "Okay, so you were a demon, I'm trying to wrap my head around it, and accept that it wasn't you. But just being around you makes me ill, physically ill." I spit out to him holding my stomach.

I look to him again and his face is pale and green "I did what to you?" He asks. I give him an annoyed glare, angry for him wanting me to say it again. "I..I tried to rape you?!" He basically screams. I furrow my eyes in confusion and nod my head. He quickly runs out of the room and into the bathroom. I can hear him throwing up. I slowly walk over to the doorway and stand there over him. He wipes his mouth and sits with his back against the motel tub. He looks at me with sad, confused eyes "I don't remember doing that" he looks for something in me.

"What do you remember?" I ask him standing still.

"Going to a bar with Crowley, drinking, and then waking up tied to the chair in the dungeon" he looks off into he distance. "Did I really do that to you?" He asks, hands shaking.

"Yea, you were on top of me. Trying to-" I whisper out into the air not able to finish the sentence. He hovers over the toilet again, getting sick. I sit on the ground, my legs crossed and wait for him to be done.

"Hayden I- Hayden I don't even know what to say.. Oh god.." His eyes start to water "I'm so sorry" he cries "I'm sorry. I can't believe.." He looks down at himself and goes silent. "No wonder you feel ill around me. I'm a monster" he stays looking down.

"You WERE a monster" I correct him. "You're Dean now." I don't know why but I feel the need to make him feel better.

"How could I not remember?!" He yells out loud.

"Do you really want to?" I ask when his eyes reach mine. He shivers with the thought and shakes his head no. We sit there a bit longer, and I listen to the sound of our breathing. We sit there for what feels like hours.


	35. Chapter 35: First Prayers

I wake up on my bed with the blanket over me. I move my head around the room and it's empty. I look at the clock, it's a little past 6 in the morning. I crawl out of bed and change my clothes. Dean must've brought me back here after we sat for hours in the bathroom. I must've been extremely tired not to have woken up. I walk into the kitchen and Castiel is there, sitting and eating.

"Hey Cas" I call out when I see him.

"Goodmorning Hayden" he returns to me "how are you doing?" His eyes find mine with the same sad look from days ago.

"Please don't look at me like that" I say shrugging a shoulder.

"You need to tell Sam what happened in that motel room" he explains putting his food down "you need to tell Dean too"

"Dean already knows" my eyes explain. "How did you know he didn't remember?" I ask curiously.

"That explains where he is" Castiel nods looking past me "and Dean is a good man, he would never have said your name that way after he was human again, he would've been ashamed" Castiel explains.

"You have a pretty good grasp of Dean and his emotions" I say back.

"We've been through a lot together" he returns back.

I go to take a step out of the room but remember that he said something else "what do you mean by that explains where he is?" I inquire.

"He was going to a church this morning. I tried to talk to him but he would not listen." Castiel tells me.

"Do you know what church?" I ask. He shakes his head no "alright. Thanks Cas" he nods his head at me and I walk out of the room.

I leave the bunker and find the closest church. It's a Roman Catholic Church and I find Dean sitting in a pew, hands folded in prayer, head down. I walk slowly up to him and take a seat a few rows back.

"Come on God. Help me here. Haven't we been through enough, haven't I done enough" his voice sounds strained "what I've done, that can't be forgiven. I've hurt one of the only few people who love me beyond repair." He sighs deeply. "What do I do next?" He stops there, head still down. It's silence for a bit longer before I decide to speak up

"Hello Dean" I whisper out

He turns quickly and his eyes turn from sorrow to confusion "how long have you been here?" He asks eyes averting from mine.

"Long enough" I whisper back to him "praying?" I raise an eyebrow to him.

"What else is there to do?" He pleads

"Just never prayed before, never mentioned God at all for that matter" I return to him.

"What else am I to do Hayden? I did something unfathomable and unforgivable to you, I can't even see past it. Then there's the baby" he gestures down to my stomach "what Cain said, the mark being passed down to him or her-" He shutters.

"We don't know if that's true or not" I try to assure him, scared myself.

"What if something happens to you during this pregnancy?" He asks eyes on me. "I'll pray every day if I have to, I need something to believe in" he adds on. I move out of my pew and walk over to his. He slides in and I sit in the end. Our knees are touching. I try my hardest to focus on something else, not wanting to hurt him further.

"Believe in yourself Dean" I start to talk "you are all you need." He shakes his head "don't think about what's happening now or what just happened. Think about all of the other falls in your life, Azazel. The apocalypse, hell. You've come back from all of it before. You will do it again"' I encourage him.

"And you? I was born into this life, your life was simpler before all of this. I don't expect you to bounce back from this" his eyes search mine.

I shrug not really knowing how I will come back. I sigh "I don't know yet, but I'm still here" I catch his eye and smile softly. "Let's get out of here" I say opening my hand for him to take. He looks up at the alter and the cross. He does the sign of the father, son, Holy Spirit and takes my hand. We walk out together, him squeezing my hand harder then I am his. We get outside and I let go of his hand, starting to feel ill again. "Did you drive or walk here?" I ask him

"Walked" he simply says.

"Me too, let's start walking back" I begin stepping forward and he follows me.


	36. Chapter 36: Angel Encounter

"What can I do to make this right?" Dean asks as we walk back to the bunker. I think for a minute but nothing comes to mind, I have no answer for him so I shrug. "There has to be something" he adds after.

"Maybe there is Dean, I just don't know what it is right now" I explain. He kicks a rock off the road. "Maybe just being around each other will help. I don't feel ill every time I see you anymore" I emphasize the word every.

"Great" he says sarcastically. I stop walking and so does he. "What is it?" He asks looking at me.

"Something's not right" I say looking around feeling strange. Dean takes a gun out of his back pocket and hands it over to me. I look at him like he's crazy "You took a gun into a church!" I holler out.

"Just take it!" He says. I take the gun and point it out into the forest. Dean pulls out an angel blade and stands in a fighting position. "I don't see anything" he says from in front of me.

"I don't know Dean, something is wrong. I can feel it, something is out there" I return to him. He gestures for me to walk forward with him and we take a few steps forward slowly. We hear brushes move and whip our heads around behind us but nothing is there. We look a second longer and I turn around first. "Dean" I say aggresively when I see someone in front of him. He must've known what I meant and he swings his blade in front of him as he turns around. The woman in front of him moves backwards and nothing occurs.

"Who are you!" Dean hollers out geting ready to attack.

"I'm here to help." The woman with dark hair says with a small smile

"Help with what?" I spit out to her, keeping the gun raised and aimed at her heart.

"With your situation" she says eyeing my stomach. I glance at Dean and he is just staring at the woman intently.

"What situation?" Dean asks carefully.

"Dean, stop. It's obvious what she meant" I return back to him annoyed. He gives me a look and I roll my eyes.

"There's a lot of chatter going around between the angels. Dean Winchester is expecting a child." She says smiling.

"Your an angel?" Dean grits his teeth

"Fallen angel, yes. I believe we can help each other." her smile never faulters "Hannah" she reaches her hand out to introduce herself to us. Dean just stares at her. I lower my gun and step foward to shake hands.

"Hayden!" Dean yells at me. I don't retreat and shake the fallen angels hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Hayden" She says. She leaves her hand extended for Dean but he doesn't reciprocate. He simply lowers the knife and moves over to me.

He whispers "We can't trust her" I give him a look. "How do we know she's not lying" I shrug at his question coming up with no good response. It's true, we don't know.

"Let's call Cas. Maybe he can give us an answer if she truly is who she says she is" I suggest to him. He thinks about it, pursing his lips together. He must agree because the next thing he is doing is pulling out his cell phone, dialing Castiel's number.

"Cas, there a person here, in the middle of the road, claiming to be an angel." Dean continues to talk on the phone with Castiel, convincening him to come and giving him our location. Dean hangs up the phone and looks towards the woman "he'll be here shortly" he tells her with a weird look.

"Wonderful." She simply states and stands robotically in place, hands folded together in front of her. I look at Dean and I see something in his eyes. He's trying to hide it, but I can tell, it's hope.


	37. Chapter 37: Exchange of Information

"Dean." Castiel's tone is heard from down the road. He walks closer and when Hannah see's him she adjusts to face him.

"Hello Castiel" she smiles politely

"Hannah, what are you doing here?" He asks looking confused between the 3 of us.

"You know this broad?" Dean asks waving the gun still in his hand her way.

"We met once before, when Metatron was killing angels who wouldn't follow him. She was spared." He explains, his blue eyes still confused "how is the hunt for Metatron?" He asks her.

"That's one of the reasons I am here. Can we go somewhere more private?" Hannah asks looking at Dean. Dean shuffles his feet and slowly nods.

A while later, Hannah is led inside the bunker. Castiel, Hannah, and myself sit down at the table while Dean goes to look for Sam. We sit silently, the awkwardness growing as we wait. Minutes pass before they both return.

"Start from the beginning" Dean demands placing the angel blade on the table.

"Dean, is that necessary?" Castiel asks as Hannah adjusts uncomfortably in her seat.

"for now" he says, jaw clenched.

"As you heard before, my life was spared to tell Metatrons story. We've been looking for him for months. He's starting an army, and we need to defeat him before it's too late" she explains, eyes flickering between everyone at the table.

"And that has to do with us how?" Dean asks annoyed. I give him a look and he shrugs.

"I heard what you said Hayden. You were able to tell I was near. Do you know why that is?" She asks looking at me. I look down at my stomach then back to her and shake my head no.

"It has powers" she simply says. I look at Dean with fear in my eyes, his eyes match mine. I instivetly reach my hand out to hold his, not knowing what I was doing until he was holding it.

"Dean has had the Mark of Cain for a while now, but that's not all he has" She says. Dean and I instantly look to Castiel.

"The mark of an angel" Deans eyes open wide when he realizes what Castiel meant.

"Wait a minute, you're telling me that Dean has heaven and hell marked within him" Sam speaks up, sounding baffled.

"We believe" Hannah begins to speak again "the mark would have completely taken over Dean rather quickly, if it wasn't for something else working inside of him. The mark could not completely control him because he was marked by an angel." she finishes saying. It's silent.

I finally speak up "so, there's both heaven and hell, good and bad, inside of dean?"

"Preciously" she states

"So what does that mean for our baby?" I ask letting go of Dean's hand and touching my stomach gently.

"It's tough to say. Life can remove the Mark of Cain, but even if it does, the baby will have some grace within it as well." She explains. "Which brings me to the reason I am here" She turns to Castiel. "We need further assistance finding Metaton. We need your assistance more specifically" her head turns slightly "you are the key to opening heaven up again" she says.

Castiel looks down "I do not have grace Hannah, I can be of little to no help".

"I have something for you" She says pulling something blue and glowing out of her pocket.

"What is that?!" Castiel asks with force pushing his chair out from the table. "Is that someone's grace?" He's on his feet now.

"It's not what you think" She puts up her hand "the angel was slain, he was dying, he wanted to help, he dedicated his grace for you" she tries to tell us.

"What?" Dean spits out looking disgusted.

"Please, take it Castiel." She hands over the grace of an angel in a bottle. He takes it and places it in front of him like it's poison.

"Anything else?" Sam asks looking at the woman

"That is all for now. I was hoping if we helped you" she eyes Dean and I "you'd help us" She looks at Castiel. "I hope to hear from you soon Castiel" She stands up.

"Where are you going?" Castiel asks her.

"I must be heading back to the other angels. There is always work to be done" She turns. Dean walks her out of the bunker and returns to us all at the table.

"Do we actually believe her?" he asks looking at me.

"If we considered what Cain said, we should at least consider what she said" I say back to him. He nods.

"Cas, what are you going to do about that?" Sam nods towards the grace at the table.

"I can't use it. No matter what the angel who gave it up said, it's not my grace" He says. Sam and Dean nod. I follow in suit, not truly understanding the importance.

"Sam, Cas, if you'll excuse Dean and I, we have a lot to talk about" I look in his direction and he perks up nodding his head.

"Later guys" he pats them both on the back as we walk out of room and down to the bedroom.


	38. Chapter 38: Confirmed

We go into his bedroom and I take seat on the bed. He goes to the wall and puts his back against it.

"I'm so confused" I admit to him, my eyes flickering around the room as I think back to everything we've been told. "What if they are right? What if this baby is both good and bad" I look to Dean for answers.

"Better to be both good and bad then just bad" he shrugs his shoulders.

"I had a strange feeling when we went to see Cain too" I confide to him. His eyes look at mine for more answers "I just thought I was nervous. But then out there I felt the same type of thing, something deep inside of me I've never felt before".

"The baby-" Dean trails off.

"I'm scared, Dean" I look to him for support. He takes a step closer, but stops.

"It's okay" I tell him. He walks over to me and sits, he puts his arm around me softly. I lay my head against his shoulder and ponder in silence. "I guess we should go see an actual doctor" I sigh lifting my head up. He nods and we stay there next to each other just a bit longer.

A few days later and we are in the doctors office waiting. The same doctor from before walks in and she has a small, forced smile on her face "Hello again Hayden, and Dean" she looks at a chart. "I am deeply sorry for your loss" She says her eyes still reading the chart. "You are here today because you want to confirm your pregnancy, is that right" She asks looking to me. I nod and smile. "Okay then, why don't you lay back" she says walking over to the machine.

"Wait" Dean stands up "can we have a minute?" He asks the doctor.

She looks at me and I look at her and nod. "I'll be right outside when you're ready" she takes the glove off, throwing it into a trash can and leaves the room.

"What?" I ask searching him.

"We will find out how far along you are today, right?" He says, hands shaking.

"Yes, I didnt pee in a cup for nothing" I smirk trying to make him smile. He doesnt smile and starts to pace the room. "Dean, what is it?" I ask sitting back up trying to catch his gaze.

"What if-" he trails off

"What if what?" I finally reach for his hand. He is caught off guard and looks at me with concern in his eyes.

"What if it happened when I- when I was a Demon?" He asks, his lips twitched down in a frown, eyes tired. "I don't think that's something I can deal with. I know I can't" he finishes.

"hey, look at me." He doesn't though, so I push harder "look at me!" his eyes turn to mine "it didn't happen then, I was already missing my period." explain to him, "thought it was stress."

"really?" his eyes show a sign of relief. I nod slightly. "oh thank God" he lifts his head up to the sky and takes a deep breath. He smiles at me and I smile back. He calls the doctor back in.

"Okay, here we go." She says a few minutes letter putting the ultrasound wand on my stomach. Me and Dean star at the screen eagerly. "Well, there is a baby in there." She smiles to me "everything looks good. The heartbeat is pretty strong too for only being 6 weeks along" she says removing the wand handing over a tissue.

"And what about the doctor who said she couldn't get pregnant?" Dean asks

"Well, I've looked over your chart. That doctor was right, after what happened, it seemed virtually impossible for you to have another child."

She removed her gloves and throws them away while looking at me "must be a miracle" she smiles. "I'll give you two a few minutes, I'll be back shortly" and with that she leaves the room.

"Well, there we have it. We're having a baby. Again" I say looking at him trying to seem enthused.

Dean shrugs at me "I'm sorry, this is nothing like last time. I'm freaking out." He admits to me.

"Hey, hey. One step at a time Dean. One step at a time. This part we've been through before. This part is easy" I nod to him. He nods back and we wait for the doctor to return.


	39. Chapter 39: Attempting Normalcy

We get in the impala and Dean drives off. The road begins to look familiar but were not going to the bunker.

"Dean. Dean, where are we going?" I ask him panicked. I already know the answer to that question as the trees and buildings pass us by.

"We can't go back to the bunker yet, it's too crowded" he says eyes still on the road.

"But there?" I ask annoyed he'd even consider it.

"I know what happened there isn't something I want to dredge up either, but it's the only place close enough right now with enough space." I go to speak up but he interrupts me "I'm not taking you to a motel either." I huff out annoyed he knew what I was going to say. He glances at me. "I won't leave you alone there, I promise" he says reaching his hand over to my knee. I let it sit there for just a moment. The warmth I used to feel lingering but it soon disappears and painful memories fill my head. I move my leg to the side, adjusting my legs to try and cover up. He doesn't buy it because I see the sadness return to his eyes as he retreats his hand back to the wheel.

We get to the cabin. I shut the door to the Impala and slowly walk to the door. Dean is in front of me. He unlocks the cabin and I peak inside. Everything is cleaned and in order, like nothing happened. I walk in one foot in front of the other. I follow Dean to the couch and sit next to him. "Hayden, we need to talk about this" He says once my butt touches the cushion.

"What do you mean?" I ask, unsure of what specifically he wants to talk about.

"This isn't safe. We can't go through with this." He shakes his head

"I don't think we really have a choice." I say back to him. "I can't get an abortion" I say out loud.

"I don't want you too, but this is insane. This baby, there are so many things that can go wrong" he looks down to the ground. "What if something happens to you?" He looks back up to me.

"Nothing is going to happen to me" I tell him in return. I would be lying if I haven't thought about it myself.

"You don't know that" he shakes his head in disbelief.

"You won't let anything happen to me" I nudge him. He says nothing back to me. "will you?" I ask.

"I can't answer that anymore" he sighs. "I hurt you beyond repair Hayden. You loved me, you trusted me, and I did something so unforgiveable to you. Everything between us is shadowed by darkness now" He trails off.

I feel my heart aching inside as he says this to me. "Dean" I say under my breath. He hears me and looks up "I still love you" he looks down when I say nothing more and rubs his face. "Hey, look at me" I say reaching for his face. I touch it gently, feeling the hair underneath my fingers "you think the day won't break the sunless night?" I ask him? He looks up to me confused. I lean in and plant a small kiss on his cheek. I move my lips away and put my hand there "don't worry Dean, the sun will rise" I smirk to him. He rests the weight of his head into my hand and I feel nothing else but comfort.

I wake up the next morning on the couch. I did not want to go into that bed after what happened. Dean's asleep across from me with his head tilted back. I listen to the sound of his breath as he sleeps. Bringing back memories of better times. I sit up quietly and move my feet off of the couch. I tip toe into the kitchen and make a pot of coffee. I pour myself a cup and walk out of the house into the front yard. I stand there listening to the birds chip and the insects croak.

"Hey there" Dean says walking up behind me. I turn around and smile at him.

"Did I wake you?" I ask

"Naw" he says taking a sip of coffee.

"you could've slept in the bedroom" I tell him as I watch him try to crack his neck.

He shakes his head "that's okay, didn't want to leave you out there."

"Can I ask for a favor?" I turn to Dean. I shake my head a little bit wondering if I really want to ask him. Pieces of hair fall out of my messy bun and fall over my face. He nods and waits for me to respond "Can we try something?" I ask stepping closer.

"Like what?" His eyes search mine for answers.

"Can we have sex?" I ask flatly.

"What! No. That is not a good idea!" He says stepping back.

"Why not?" I ask him.

"Because of what I did! You can't even stand when I touch you. I can't sleep with you.." he says astounded by the idea

"I need to get over this. We need to get over this.." I gesture between us, pushing him to agree.

"We will" he says "but it'll take time" he acknowledges.

"We don't have time Dean! I'm pregnent, and the baby may or may not be demonic or angelic." Or pace a bit "I say we deal with one thing at a time, and this" I gesture between the two of us again "comes up first" I finish saying. He just stares at me shaking his head no. I step close to him and find his lips. I kiss him for a moment before I pull away. "That didn't hurt, now did it."

"Don't patronize me" Dean says annoyed, his voice rising.

"I'm not. I'm just ready to move on from this. I'm ready to forget." I say annoyed.

"forget-" he says his voice trailing off. I look at him, knowing the look on his. He has an idea.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Let me make a call. There might be a way to forget" he says walking inside. I open my arms wide, frustrated he left me with nothing but questions.


	40. Chapter 40: Favor Rejected

"Do you know what you are asking me to do, Dean?" Castiel's voice is low and hushed. I've been trying to listen for awhile now and figure out what they are talking about. I have had enough with waiting and walk into the bedroom where Dean and Castiel are talking in hushed tones.

"Just tell me what's going on?" I demand of them.

"There is a way we can forget what happened" Dean says to me.

My eyes light up "how?!"

"Castiel" Dean gestures to his angel friend. I glance to him confused. "Angels can pull memories, make people forget" he says to me.

"What? How?" I ask walking inside the room more.

"Well, I'm not an angel anymore Dean" Castiel said matter of factly, reminding him. Dean just gives him a look, we all remember the grace that Hannah gave him. "You wan't me to use the grace of another Angel?" he asks Dean quietly, shocked he'd do that.

"It's just sitting in a jar! He can't use it anymore! You can!" Dean argues back.

"The grace will only sustain me for so long, if I run out. I die" Castiel explains.

"We will find a way to get your grace back Cas" Dean returns to him "this could help! There was so much we couldn't do before, with your angel juice back, it can open a lot more doors."

"I can't Dean" Castiel says putting his head down "I wish I could help, I do. I just can't" he finishes walking out of the door.

Dean slams his hand against the wall punching a hole into it "Damn it!" he yells.

I walk over to him "It's okay Dean, we will still get past it, I know it!" I say to him touching his shoulder. He turns around abruptly and I shutter back just a little.

His eyes turn soft "you're right, we'll get through this" he breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth. I take this opportunitiy and lean in to kiss him. His lips are soft and wet. We kiss for a few seconds before he pulls away.

"I'm not patronizing you this time either. I'm moving forward. I'm taking steps" I tell him. He looks at me for a second longer, his green eyes show just a little bit of glimmer and he looks away and sits down on the couch.


	41. Chapter 41: Life Resumed

6 weeks go by and things are still pretty neutral between Dean and I. We've had simple kisses only twice since that day and our time together is mostly spent contemplating the outcome of having this baby. I sometimes try to talk about the night of the incident, but Dean refuses. He will leave me alone and only talk to me again if I change the topic. It's frustrating but I think I'm starting to understand. Sam gets back from hunting a Jin in South Dakota one night. Me and Dean are sitting in the library reading. "How was it man?" Dean asks slamming the book shut.

"You know" Sam throws his bag on the ground, clothes tumbling out of it "pretty easy. The body count stayed at 3, saved the rest of them" he nods walking past us. I look over at Dean who is nodding his head. I can see the tension in his eyes. He wishes he was out there.

"Why don't you go with him next time?" I ask flipping the corner page down I was about to read. He looks at me like my head has 12 snakes coming out of it. "I'm serious" I stand up. I go over and grab the bag off the floor and walk into the laundry room. Dean follows me and stands in the door way.

"I can't leave you" he says to me. I roll my eyes and turn to him. I forget what I wanted to say as I see Dean standing there. His arm stretched over his head, leaning against the door frame. His stomach peaking from underneath his layered clothing. His hair perfectly coiffed on top his head, and his green eyes staring at me with nothing but true concern. I shake my head a little bit to regain my thoughts and turn back to the laundry. I begin to sort through the clothes in the room. "What?" Dean asks from where he is standing.

"I'm 12 weeks pregnant, nothing is going to happen for a long time. There's really no reason for you to stay cooped in this house with me." I say turning on the machine and filling it with soap.

"You don't know that" he calls out, his voice getting closer with each word. I can feel him behind me and my hand shakes. I drop the bottle of soap into the machine. Only, this tremble wasn't in fear, it was in anticipation. I quickly reach my hand in to grab it.

"Everything okay?" He asks

"Yup, fine. Just need to make the load a bit bigger now" I smile although he can't see me. I thank God that he can't because he would be able to read right through this smile.

"Right." He drags on the word a bit more. "It's fine Hayden, I like being here with you." He tells me. I finish adding the clothes and close the lid letting the cycle begin. I turn to him.

"Dean, it's not like things are changing around here, and how could they when we're awkwardly hanging around each other everyday." I start to explain walking out "maybe this could be good. You're gone for a few days, I'm here worrying, you come back, having something different we can talk about, it will change the pace of things. I think it'd be good for us" I finish talking reaching the table where my book was once laying.

"I don't know" he thinks out loud.

I step a bit closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder "just think about it." He nods his head once and I remove my hand, leaving him, and my book behind.

"Hayden, got a minute?" Dean pops his head around the corner 2 weeks later.

"What's up?" I say looking up to him from the chair. I remove my hands from the keyboard.

"I'm gonna go with Sam on this next one. If that's okay, it's a pretty serious thing going on, Castiel is coming along too." He rambles on.

"Of course it's okay, you don't have to ask me" my smile grows, I'm glad he will be getting out and doing what he does best.

"Can I give you something?" He asks. I nod my head and he leaves the room. I move from the chair to the bed, eagerly waiting for him to return. He walks back in with something wrapped in an old yellow towel.

"Here" he places it on the dresser and unwraps it.

My eyes furrow when I see it "the blade?" I question.

"I don't want to take it with me, I don't want to have to use it." He steps away from it walking backwards.

"What if you need it?" I ask walking towards it

"I don't want to use it, I can't let it control me, not with everything that's going on." He explains. I go to to the blade. I am about to grab the handle of the blade but notice Dean's uncomfortable gaze from where he is standing and instead I wrap it back up and put it securely under my arm.

"I'll take good care of it" I smile to him. He smiles back and comes closer to me, giving me a hug. He pulls away and is about to give me a kiss but stops himself. I blush sheepishly. "Be safe Dean" I say to him leaning my forehead towards him.

"I will" he says smiling. He kisses my head softly and just as fast, he's out the door. I walk to my closet and hide the blade between some clothes, lingering just a little when the blades handle shows. I sigh, cover it back up, and close the door. I go back to the laptop and continue what I was doing.


	42. Chapter 42: Prank War

Sam, Dean and Castiel return 6 days later. They come barreling through the bunker door, clunking their feet and grumbling to each other. They are unmistakably tired, so I stay in my room and let them unwind from the job. I walk out 2 hours later because things seem to get a bit quiet. Dean popped his head in to let me know he returned, but beyond that we didn't say much. He left to go clean up and told me he would come find me again later. I walk through the deserted halls in my bare feet, the cold cement tingling my toes. I make my way through the house and find no one. I walk through the garage, to the Impala's spot and it's still there. I look around and find an old thunderbird missing. I smile and think to myself "what are they up to now". I walk back inside and grab my phone. I dial Deans number but he doesn't answer, I dial Castiel next, and still no answer. One more call before I leave them to their own devices.

"Hey Hayd!" Sam's familiar voice picks up. I can hear his smile through the phone.

"You guys all together?" I ask smiling in return.

"Yah! No, don't!" I hear him say out loud "you've got to get down here!" He says back to me. "Castiel is so drunk! You've got to see this!"

"Where are you?" I ask

"Your old bar" he replies.

"Hayden! Come on, it's a party!" Castiel's voice is screaming into the phone now. "Join the fun!" He slurs out!

"I'll leave in a minute" I assure him.

"No, soooooneerrr" he says and then following that I hear a crash on the floor "ooh. Oops." And the phone hangs up. I look down at the phone and laugh. I squeeze into a pair of jeans, throw on a nice top and some black low heals. Something a bartender would wear on a week day. I grab the keys to the jeep they gave me and head to the bar. I pull in next to the thunderbird and walk into the bar. A familiar ring sings out near the karaoke bar and I turn to it. I see Castiel and Dean singing.

"You might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd

We ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud

We might be laughing a bit too loud"

I look around and quickly find Sam recording his brother and friend singing on a phone, with a huge smile. I walk over to him "Please tell me this was Dean's idea!?" I yell over to him. Sam gives me a quick look to answer my question, of course it wasn't Dean's idea. "Why don't you go sing? I can record!" I shout over to him trying to grab the phone. He lifts it higher making it totally out of reach.

"Billy Joel, I can do no justice, I'll let these fools ruin a classic!" He returns to me.

"Have it your way!" I make my way over to where Dean and Castiel are sharing a mic and join them.

"They say there's a heaven for those who will wait

Some say it's better but I say it ain't

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints

Sinners are much more fun...

You know that only the good die young"

The song finishes and we smile and laugh off the stage. Dean keeping his hand on the small of my back as I make my way back to Sam. They order more drinks and I get a water.

"What a great song choice" I raise my eyebrows to them.

"After what we went through, very fitting" Castiel says before taking a sip.

I raise my eyebrows to Dean and he just smiles "someone didn't listen to the big boys" he cackles out loud to Castiel who gives him a fake smug look.

"Hayden, have you ever seen drunk Cas?" Dean turns to me, his green eyes starting to glaze over from his drinks. I shake my head. "Oh, are you in for a treat!" He adds after I responded.

The rest of the night continues as I watch drunk, drunker, and drunkest drink their weight in booze. Castiel and Dean go for more shots as I sit with Sam at a table.

"Watch this!" He says as he pulls out gorilla glue from his pocket.

"What are you gonna do with that?!" I smile trying to not laugh.

"It's been way to long." He laces part of their beers with glue and quickly puts it away when I tell them there on their way back. "So you're in?" He asks me.

I think for a second but already know my answer. "Hell yea, they are so drunk, it'll be awesome!" I get out before they arrive.

They sit back down, the 3 of them take their shots and chase it down with their beer. Sam and I wait in anticipation for them to put their drinks down. Dean goes for it first.

"No, you didn't little brother!" His eyes widen as he tries to pull it off. Sam tries to contain his laughter as I sit to the side, pretending to be clueless. Castiel looks over to Dean and he tries to put his bottle down.

"What? What is going on?" He tries to flap his hand a bit.

"You just started a war!" Dean picks at the bottle. He looks to me and I try to hide my smirk "wait a second, are you in on this?!" His lips quivering from hiding a smile.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I try to lie.

"Oh, it's on!" Dean says loudly in laughter. Me and Sam give in and laugh while we high five each other. "Let's go Cas, we have to make a plan of action"

Dean nudges Castiel out of his seat, who is still staring at his hand glued to the bottle with wide confused puppy dog eyes.

They walk away and I turn to Sam "should I be worried?" I sip my water.

"Nah, he's harmless" he says drinking some more water. I give him a weary look. I decided to be in this, so I'll take whatever it is they will dish out.

An hour goes by and I'm getting tired "hey I'm gonna get going. Anyone need a ride?" I stand up grabbing my bag "speak now or hold out for a cab!" I smile to them.

"It's time I head out to fellas, got plans to follow through with!" Dean raises his eyebrows towards Sam and I. He gets out of his chair and we both wave goodbye to Sam and Castiel as we walk out the door.


	43. Chapter 43: Love Again

"Should I be worried about them getting back?" I look over my shoulder at Dean when we get outside the bar.

"Sams responsible, they will get a cab back or something" Dean shrugs it off. We get into the car I drove here and I turn the engine on, letting it roar to life. My phone starts to beep.

"Gah, forgot how bad the service is in there" I pull out my phone to silence the continous beeps. "What the hell?" I question looking at my phone. I have messages from all my old co-workers congratulating me on my pregnancy. "DEAN!" I turn to him as more texts pour in. "I thought we weren't going to tell anyone." I ask. I look at him biting his lip to contain laughter and start laughing out loud to myself. I try to be mad but can't help it, his face is too adorable. As soon as my laughter rings out, Dean follows. "What did you bribe them to text me 100 messages each? I'll never get through these texts and messages!" I joke to him.

"But we did!" He laughs out loud after I said it, like t was the funniest thing in the world.

"You paid them to text me like this? Oh my god! You're ridiculous." I put the car into drive "if that's the best you got, I think I'm in in the clear" I say laughing as I pull out of the bar. I throw the phone in the back seat, and barely hear the faint sounds of buzzing against the leather.

Dean and I laugh all the way back to the bunker about the 2 pranks pulled. Although I'm laughing more of his drunkeness than anything else. We get into the garage and laugh our way back into my room. "Did you have fun tonight?" I ask throwing my shoes against the wall.

"Yea, it was a ridiculous night" he chuckles catching his breath. "Glad you came out too, Hayden" he says to me.

"Yea, me too" I say out loud going over to my shoes to line them up. "You should've seen you and Cas' face when you figured out about the glue. It was priceless!" I say leaning back up when I'm finished. Dean is close enough to me I have to push myself against the wall.

"Is this priceless to you?" He smiles putting his glued hand in my face. I smile back trying to push it away from me.

"Ewww. Stop!" I squeak out as he tries to touch my face with it.

"I'm gonna have glue and dead skin on this hand for days!" He jokes more rubbing it on me.

"Stop! That's gross. Eww!" I cackle out louder.

Suddenly our eyes connect and we both become silent, just breathing again. His hand is resting on my cheek and my eyes glisten through his. He leans in and kisses me just as hard as I lean in to kiss him. His hands are holding my face to his and my hands find his belt loop. We fall onto the bed and I unbuckle him. He unfastens his pants in the same swift motion I've come to know. I lift my shirt over my head and his eyes find my breasts. They linger there for a second before he returns his mouth to mine. We're breathing heavy into each other, rolling on the sheets, not having a care in the world. I move my hand down to his private part and he breaths out heavily into my hair "ahhhhh." I gently move my hand up and down in a quick pace as he kisses my body, his lips leaving tingling remains every where they touch.

"Dean.." I moan out in pleasure as his hands begin to tease me. He pulls away. I lean up against my arms and search his eyes.

"Should we do this?" His green eyes concerned.

"Yes. Please." I lean up to kiss him but he pulls up higher.

"Are you sure? There's no turning back after we do this" He adds in.

"I'm sure" I confirm to him holding his stare. He finally breaks it leaning back down to ravish me.

Dean enters me gently and I moan in pleasure. His body pushing with mine at the same pace. We moan together, enjoying the passion. I arch my back as I get closer to finishing. He pushes in deeper, reaching my G spot. I see his face then, truly see him. I feel his hands carresing my body, I see his eyes checking me out, and I see his smile. All of these things I've come to love about him, and none of these things were there that last time he wasn't himself. It's in this moment, that I forgive him. That I let go. Dean is himself again. I know then that could not let this end just yet. I push him off of me before either of us finish and go on top. His bewildered look keeps me smiling as I stradle him and help him enter again. I keep my eyes trained on his until I'm ready to finish. I lean down and kiss him as hard and passionetly as I can. I move his hands over my breasts and make sure he can feel me, just as I can feel him inside. His breath picks up even further and we finish together.

I stay on top of him, perfectly still, sitting up, waiting for him to speak. He lifts his head up with a cocked smile "well, I'd say we're back" I giggle and lean down to kiss him. He laughs uncomfortably "no, don't, it tickles!" He says grabbing ahold of my arms. I look down to the mark and my smile fades.

"Hayden.." He says moving that arm away.

"No, don't" I reach for it again. I move from my straddled position off of Dean and hold onto his arm. He sits up and is looking at me.

"What is it?" he asks.

"It's faded" I say rubbing my fingers over the mark.

He looks down at it and shrugs "That's weird." and pulls his arm back from me gently.

I put my hands in my lap and grab his chin. He looks at me waiting for me to speak "I love you" are the only words I want to say right now and he lights up when I say them.

"I love you too" He says back grabbing me into a hug. He hugs me tightly and I cough out loud after a few moments to get his attention.

"pregnant lady over here, gotta be gentle" I say to him and he lets go. He throws on his under shirt and hands over his button up for me. I slip into it and he sits back down next to me.

"Was that okay?" He asks.

"Better" I smile big. He smiles big in return and grabs my hands. He moves from the bed to his knees. My heart begins to flutter.

"Hayden.." He starts off

"Dean, what? Dean, don't" I begin to panic. I may have forgiven him, but this is too fast, too soon!

"May I have the honor-" He smiles and my heart drops. How do I tell this man that I'm not ready for marriage? "of staying with you tonight?" The smile grows even wider and he begins to full on cackle letting go of my hands.

"You're such an asshole!" I slap him across the arm "That was so mean!" I say to him moving over in the bed to let him lay, trying not to laugh.

"You should have seen your face! Pay back is a bitch!" He gets into the bed and grabs me tightly holding me to him. We lay there, laughing together until I fall asleep.


	44. Chapter 44: Boy or Girl

More weeks begin to blur together as Dean and I rebuild our relationship. Dean continues to go on hunts with Sam, I keep the blade hidden, and we stay open with each other. Dean confides in me when he feels like he struggling with the mark, and I confide in him when I have bad days.

The day has come, and we are finally going to find out what the sex of the baby will be. Dean and I actually discussed it this time and we want to know what we will be having. We need to be prepared for something, since everything else is unknown. We go to the same doctor and wait in the same office and chair as the first time.

"This is all so familiar." I say out to Dean and he holds my hand.

"It's not comfortable" He looks at me.

"I miss her" I say rubbing my stomach thinking of our last child.

"I do too, every day" he admits to me. My eyes begin to tear at his confession and he comes over and kisses me softly.

"No need to get emotional!" He chuckles to me wiping away a tear.

"Can't help it, it's not me, it's the hormones!" I say to him jokingly.

He laughs and sits back down "you get to blame everything on the hormons! When will that ever end?"

"After I go through menopause, I suppose" I joke to him.

His smile turns into horror at the word and he utters "ewwww"

The doctor walks in and smiles at us her usual smile "Your labs look good, everything seems to going alright. The heart beat is still pretty strong and fast so we would like you to come back a little more often than you have been, just to be safe." She says. "So, you guys are wanting to find out the gender today, yes?" She asks getting her gloves on.

"Yes!" Dean and I say in unison. She rubs my stomach with the cold jelly and begins to move the wand around.

"See right here" she points to the screen a few moments later, Dean and I both nod at her hand she's pointing with "that is what tells us if it's a boy or a girl. And congratulations, it's a boy!" She says out loud.

"Just like his father" Dean laughs out loud squeezing my hand. I slap him across the arm with my other hand and he looks at me "what?" I smile and look back to the screen.

"Would you like a photo?" the doctor asks.

"Yes, please!" I nod my head towards her. She finished up and I clean off my stomach. She leaves the room and when she returns she has the black and white sonagram of our son.

"Congraulations you two, it's going to be a boy" she hands off the photo to Dean who leans down to show me.

"It's a boy!" His smile widens before his lips find mine.

We get back to the bunker and Dean finds his brother and Castiel right away.

"It's a boy!" He says hugging them both tightly. Sam pats Dean on the back, clearly uncomfortable from the hug and Castiel just stands awkwardly embraced. I cover my mouth to laugh.

"It's a boy you guys" I say in a high pitch voice when they all let go of him and I get hugs of my own.

"Any clue on what you want to name him? Sams a pretty great name!" Sam jokes with us

"Yea right! That'll be the day!" Dean laughs back.

"No name ideas yet. Guess we can look into reading some books or something" I say to the three of them.

Dean rolls his eyes "More books, there's always more books!" I pat him on the shoulder and walk out of the room to shower.


	45. Chapter 45: Baby Names

2 weeks go by and Dean gets back from a hunt on a Tuesday afternoon. He comes into the room and goes straight to my stomach. "Hey there big guy" he says. I smile as I watch him talk to my growing tummy. He looks up to me and gives me an inquisitive stare "what's that?" He looks down at my hand

"The bible" I say back to him matter of factly.

"And you're reading the bible why?" Another question comes off his lips.

I close the book "I was thinking about baby names, and remembered this story from when I was a kid so I wanted to look into again." I start to explain. His eyes stay squinted from his spot near my belly and he waits for more

"So, before Paul was an apostle he actually persecuted followers of Jesus. Jesus came to him in a great light that blinded him. When he finally saw again 3 days later he believed that Jesus of Nazareth was the son of God" I shorten the story for him.

"And why does this matter?" Dean asks not following or seeming to care for the story.

"He was a bad guy, but Jesus saw past his flaws and used him. Jesus saw the good in him and changed him. Our son will have both good, the mark of an angel" I touch his shoulder "and bad, the mark of Cain" my eyes flutter to his other arm. "He can be like Paul, but no matter what you or I believe, I want him to have a name he can look into, and understand himself" I finish saying. "I want him to know how important he is."

"Paul Winchester" he looks down to my stomach and then back up to me "it's got a ring to it" he leans up and kisses me.

I beam happily "and his middle name will be for his father" I rub my hand across his hair.

"Paul Dean Winchester?" He asks sitting up. "Hell no, no child of mine is gonna be named after some food lady who uses butter for everything" his eyes serious.

"Okay, you're right. I didn't think that one through" I shrug my shoulders chuckling. He smiles when I agree and gives me a hug "but think about Paul, okay?" I ask him.

"Paul" he says walking out of the room to himself contemplating the choice.


	46. Chapter 46: Control

Dean and Sam leave for a hunt a few days later. The farther along I come the quicker the trips Dean makes are. He wants to be close in case something happens like last time. We don't talk about it often but it's clear to us both, we're scared. I go into the library and find Castiel reading a book. "Anything interesting?" I ask him.

"This book is about old markings, and I think this one.." He points to a page "is about the mark of Cain" he reads the page. I walk over to his side and look over his shoulder.

"I was reading this a couple of weeks ago. I never got back around to it" I hover closer to him reading along. "Is that saying what I think it's saying?" I ask a few pages later

"Cain was right. Life is the only way to rid the mark" Castiel says out loud staring into the book.

"That's not new information Cas" I speak barely above a whisper.

"You're right" he says closing the book slowly.

"I'll have to read more into this" he pushes the chair backwards and I step back letting him pass me.

"See Ya!" I holler out after him when he leaves the room. "Weird" I shake my head walking to the kitchen.

"Hayden, quick! Something is trying to get in!" Castiel is knocking on my door a few hours later. I open the door for him and he comes barreling in.

"What are you talking about?" I ask him confused, his eyes dazed.

"I was in the room watching the cameras around the bunker. Someone, or something is outside. We need to take care of this." He finishes saying.

"Okay, calm down. Did you call Dean?" I ask.

"Of course. They are at least a day away. We need to do this." He says lowly.

I take a deep breath "alright, go back to the monitors, I have to get something. I'll be right in" I tell him calmly. He nods and moves out of sight. I walk to the closet and pull out the familiar yellow fabric. I reach my hand through the fabric and grab the blade. I lift it out of the cloth and off of the floor. My hand grips it tightly as I leave the room and find Castiel.

His face turns to mine as I walk through the door. His eyes go straight to the blade "why do you have that?" He questions

"Dean left it for me to keep an eye on it." I tell him looking down at my shaking hand.

"Are you alright?" He walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. My nerves calm when he touches me and I let out a big breath of air I was holding in.

"Yes, I'm okay." I respond shaking my head to confirm for him. He moves away and points to the screens.

"This is where I saw them" his finger points to the screen that shows the back of the bunker. I watch the screen as the bushes sway to the wind.

"I don't see anything" I lean closer trying to get a better look.

"Maybe I should go check it out" Castiel steps up.

"No, that's not a good idea, you can't go out there alone Cas. What if it's hunting you, or Sam, or Dean." I try to talk him out of it.

He pulls a blade out of his trench coat hanging on the back of a chair "I'll be okay" he says lifting it to show me.

"I'll go with you" I say stepping up, not sure where the courage is coming from.

"No, you can't. You're pregnant, you should stay in here" he assures me. I further insist I go with him but he does not listen to me. So I reluctantly agree to stay back and watch from the screen.

Castiel slowly walks into site a few minutes later. I sit in silence damning the system for not having any sound. My toes tap against the floor with anxiety as I wait. He looks up to the camera and shrugs, Nothing is going on. He stands there for a few more minutes before turning around again. As he begins to walk back he stops suddenly. He turns his head quickly and guards himself with his right arm holding the blade. He walks out of the screen. "Cas! No!" I shout out into the dull air, it echoes through the empty room. I sit and wait as minutes pass by and he doesn't return. It feels like hours pass before I get up out of the chair and storm out of the bunker. I open the back door and slam it shut behind me, letting whatever or whoever it is know I'm there. My steps are heavy and the wet grass squishes underneath my weight. "Castiel!" I whisper in a shouting tone. No answer. I keep walking to where I saw him last, in front of the camera. I go to the same spot he was and stand quietly, listening for anything. I look around and something shiny catches me eye. I run over to what I saw and find the blade Castiel was carrying when he left "shit!" I murmur out loud. I keep my feet planted as I pick up the blade and stuff it into the back of my jeans. My right hand feels heavy with the weight of the first blade and I alternate hands for relief. As soon as I switch hands something is knocking me on my feet. I'm thrown back into the air and land hard on my ass, Castiels blade cutting my leg as I land. I throw my head up quickly and look around to see nothing. I scramble on my knees for the first blade and find it close by. I grasp it tightly and stand up.

"You need to stop this!" I hear Castiel's voice from a far. "This is not the answer!" His voice gets lower. I walk carefully towards his voice.

"We need you!" A woman's voice urges him.

"It will not happen! Ooohh" I hear him ache in pain. I get closer and raise the blade.

The females voice gets louder "The child is the answer! We can save you with the child!" And suddenly I remember the voice. Hannah, the one who wanted to help us, the one we let inside. Rage stews inside of me and I move forward quickly. I come out of the brush into a clearing and her face turns to mine. Her eyes grow large when she sees me and I thrust the blade into her stomach. She falls flat onto the ground over Castiel as blue light leaves her body.

"Hayden, what have you done?" Castiel asks me. I ignore him and stand over her lifeless body.

My hand is no longer shaking, in fact, I feel powerful and confident. I finally turn to Castiel his blue eyes confused "I could not let her treat you that way. I could not let her try to use my baby." I explain to him.

"But she wasn't-" He tries to explain. I don't let him and instead I walk away from him back inside. I call Dean and tell him what happened. He is on his way back and it will still be about half a day before he gets here. I go to sleep that night feeling rejuvenated.


	47. Chapter 47: Castiel's Grace

I wake up to the door opening in my bedroom. I turn my body to the door and mumble out Dean's name. He doesn't respond so I say it a bit louder. "I'm sorry about this Hayden!" Castiels voice sounds lower than usual.

"What?" I say and suddenly his arms are wrapped around me gripping me tightly. He's pulling me out of the room. "Stop! What the hell!" I start to kick my feet from under me. I hit his leg pretty hard but nothing happens. "Cas! Stop!" I try again.

"Hayden, please. I am not going to hurt you" he says dragging me through the hall. I continue to mutter out profanities towards him as he brings me into the same room we kept Dean when he was a demon. Castiel tries to gently place my down but I land hard against my hip against the chair.

"Damn it!" I yell out in pain to him.

"Sorry, please sit" he gestures his hand towards the chair in the middle of the room.

I look at him and his tall stature, waiting for me to comply. "NO! Are you crazy?"

"Please Hayden, don't make me force you" his body stays tense.

"Make me!" I spit out before walking towards the exit. The door closes instantly at a flick of his hand and his eyes are glowing blue. I slowly retreat back into the chair he requested I sit in before. "Cas?"

"I'm sorry Hayden, this needed to be done" his eyes turn back to the blue that I'm used too, the ones that don't glow.

"Are you, are you an angel again?" I look up to him from where he is standing, wondering what he did.

He replies back with a simple "I am."

"What happened?" I ask as he moves towards the metal cart in the room, with similar needles lying on it.

"You happened" is all he says. He grabs a needle off the wall and walks over to me.

"What?" I ask confused. "Is this about Hannah?!" I get louder as he gets closer. I move out of the seat again and away from Castiel.

"You didn't have to kill her, she was only trying to help" Castiel believes why she was there.

"Yea, help herself!" I spit out to him "you can't believe she has your best interest in mind! All she cares about is getting back into heaven!"

"And that's my fault they fell, I should be getting them back into heaven. Now, sit before I make you" he demands. I stay grounded in the room.

It doesn't take long before I'm tied to the chair, overpowered by the grace inside of Castiel "what are you going to do?" I spit out to him as he brings the needle to my arm. I squint in pain as he punctures my arm.

"Your baby does have grace, my grace. I'm going to need it back if I want to save the Angels" he extracts blood from my arm. He pulls it out with frustration.

"You don't know that any of that is true! This isn't you Castiel! You can stop this now, I won't tell Dean about any of this and we'll just move on." I plead with him as he grabs another needle.

"Dean will understand, you will be alright" he tries to assure me.

"You don't know that either" I say looking away, tears welling up in my eyes. Castiel continues to pull blood out of my body, unsatisfied each time it fills with only my blood.

I don't know how long it has been but I start to feel faint, and can barely keep my eyes open.


	48. Chapter 48: A Fight Among Friends

"Hayden! Hayden! Come on!" I hear Dean's voice call to me. I try to blink but everything is dark. "Hayden!" He yells again. Something in his voice, the desperation brings me to and my eyes adjust.

"Dean" I croak out when I see him. He quickly unties my hands from the chair and scoops me into his arms. "What the hell happened?" He looks at me with crazed green eyes as he carries me through the bunker.

"Cas, it was Cas." I whisper out to him.

"What?!" He stops moving when I say his name.

"He has grace, he.." I trail off feeling tired again.

He shh's me "shhh.. Okay, just hold on" I feel movement again. I'm placed gently onto the bed and I feel weight next to me as Dean sits down. "Tell me what happened?" He pushes hair out of my face, waiting patiently for me to reply, stroking his thumb against my temple.

I take a deep breath "he said he wants to help the Angels get back into heaven." My breath is labored "and that our baby is the way to do that." I lift up my arms and I notice his eyes change. "He was drawing blood, I don't know.. Something about grace.." I put my arms back down tiredly.

"Okay, we'll find Cas and get to the bottom of this. You're okay now" he comforts me. He stays next to me and I hold his hand as I drift back asleep.

I'm awoken suddenly to the sound of something crashing. I move quickly out of the room and follow the sounds of commotion. I walk into the main room and find Sam holding back Dean and Castiel on the floor. I look at him and the cut on his face heals itself. "What's going on?" I croak out loud to get their attention.

"You know what's going on! What the hell, man!" Dean directs his anger back towards the Angel, shaking his hand out "I thought we were friends, I thought we were family!" He pushes Sam off of him. Sam lets go reluctantly, ready to jump back in if he needed to.

"Look.." Castiel reaches his hand around towards his back. Dean stands aggressively in front of me. Castiel brings out a syringe.

"Is that?" I step closer to the Angel but Dean stops me.

"It's grace" Castiel confirms looking at the blue liquid inside the needle.

"What? How?" I ask with wide eyes.

"I pulled it from you" he looks to me. Sam's and Dean's eyes follow his and they are all looking at me.

I shuffle my feet uncomfortably "huh?"

"The baby" Deans eyes grow with awareness.

"You're saying the baby has grace? That's pretty far fetched" Sam interjects. I look to him and nod my head slowly agreeing.

"I need the rest" Castiel stands up

"The hell you do!" Dean growls towards him.

"I wasn't hurting her." Castiel tries to explain.

"Then why the hell did I find her passed out tied to a freakin' chair!" He shouts.

Castiel moves his head a twitch "I'm sorry about the chair, she just wouldn't stay otherwise."

"Of course I wouldn't have stayed!" I yell back to him.

"She was fine. I left to get reinforcements.." Castiels eyes flicker to the table where bags of food and medical supplies sit.

"I can't believe you did this to her." Dean puts his arm around me pulling me close.

I turn my head up to his "hey, I'm alright. Really, I am. Maybe we should try and figure this grace thing out." I encourage to Dean, wondering about the grace.

His eyes turn to mine bewildered "No!" His eyes go back to Cas "You need to leave!"

"Dean." Sams reasonable voice speaks up "let's just take a minute and talk about things. What if-"

But he's interrupted "Go Cas, before I do something stupid." He looks away from his former friend.

"You'll see Dean, you'll understand" Castiel says and just like that, he's gone in an instant.

Dean moves through the room like nothing happened. He grabs a beer and sits down at a chair. Me and Sam look at each other, shrug and begin to clean up the mess.

Dean comes into the bedroom a few hours later with a pondering look on his face "what's the matter?" I ask him

"I don't understand. Why would Castiel finally give in and use the grace, it's not even his" he sits down staring off.

I shrug my shoulders "I don't really know. Maybe it was something Hannah said." I trail off thinking about the other night.

"What?" Deans eyes squint.

"Hannah, she was the one outside the bunker the other night." I explain to him.

"I completely forgot about that. I just found you and have been focused on that since I got back" he shakes his head. "Why was she here?" He asks

"I don't know everything, but she had Castiel cornered. She was very adamant that our baby was some kind of answer" I explain, the side of his mouth twitches as I speak.

"Answer for what?" He questions

"I'm not sure, for him I think." I shrug.

"And she just left, what happened?" His eyes look back to mine for an answer.

I sit up straight "I killed her." try to sound confident.

"You killed an angel? Why?" Deans face turns red with anger.

"She wanted to use our baby! I was so mad, it just happened!" I defend my actions, trying not to think too much about it.

"So you used an angel blade? Castiels?" He questions although he thinks he already knows the answer.

"No, I used the first blade." I correct him.

"What? Why would you do that? I wanted you to keep it safe, not use it!" His voice concerned and angry.

"It was the only thing around, I'm sorry" I apologize to him.

"I guess it didn't hurt anything, just promise you won't use it again alright? We don't know what can happen now." He asks me.

I nod my head to promise him and he smirks back to me "I'm just glad you're alright." He kisses my arms where I began to bruise. He lays down in the bed and falls asleep easily. I lie awake next to him, feeling something dwelling inside.


	49. Chapter 49: A Book of Information

I'm rifling through the books on the bookshelf when Sam comes in. "Looking for something?" He makes a joke. I turn my head and give him an annoyed look. He gives a sign of apology by gesturing his hands up and I snort in return.

"Ughhhh. Where is it!" I bang my hands against a shelf in frustration.

"What are you looking for?" Sam asks walking over to where I'm standing.

"This book me and Castiel were reading. It's old, small, blue." I try to describe it.

"Does it have a name?" He asks looking at titles. I glare at him "right. Okay, small and blue." He starts to look with me. Another 30 minutes pass and we still can't find the book. I sit down in a chair defeated and Sam sits across from me "Maybe Cas has it?" He looks through his hair at me.

"Damn, you're probably right" I swipe my hair out of my face. "I need to finish reading it."

"What's so important about this book?" He asks me.

I sigh "it's got information about old markings, the Mark of Cain is in it.. Didn't really get to read much after what happened." I tell him openly.

"What happened?" He looks at me inquisitively. I tell him the same story I told Dean the night before about Hannah. "Wait, wait, wait. You used the blade?" He interrupts me. I nod my head. "And it killed Hannah?" He asks another question. I nod my head again raising my eyebrows. He pushes out of his chair and calls for Dean.

Dean comes walking in a few moments later "what?" He looks at us chewing his food with his mouth open.

"She used the blade to kill Hannah" Sam tells him.

"Dude, where have you been. I know this already" he bites into his food.

"Don't you remember that only someone with the mark can use the blade to kill a demon. Probably the same with an angel."

"It's a pretty sharp knife Sam, pretty sure it'd kill her either way." I speak up.

"Shit, he's right" Dean walks over to us throwing his food down on the table.

"I'm confused" I give in not following.

"She's an angel, you can't kill angels with anything other than an angel blade. Sam starts to say to me.

"But I did." I say flatly still not following.

"So then you must have the mark." Sam adds. Dean rushes over to me and I lift up my arms for him to see, already knowing that's what he wants. We both look at them but nothing is there. We look at each other with confused looks.

Dean breaks the silence "the baby" he whispers out. We look down together at my stomach and we are all silent.

"So if I stabbed her with the blade, and if I didn't have the mark she would still be alive?" I finally am able to form a question.

"Right. She'd just heal from the wound." Sam answers "Dean.." He tries to get his brothers attention.

"Dean!" I say louder when he doesn't answer.

"What?" He snaps back to me. I move a step back startled at his anger. "Sorry, it's just. What if it's fading because the baby is growing." He thinks out loud to us.

"Fading?" Sam speaks up again.

"Yea man, the uhh, the mark is fading." He rolls his sleeve up to show his brother.

"Why am I just hearing about this Dean?" Sam yells at his brother

"There's kind of a lot going on Sam!" Dean defends himself.

"I've been researching months about the mark and you're just telling me now it's fading away! Could've been important to know before!" He fights him.

"Not like it changes a damn thing anyway, we still don't know anything about it." He rolls his sleeve back down.

"The book" I speak loudly to interrupt them.

They both look at me "what?" They ask in unison.

"The blue book I was looking for. It said something about the mark of Cain, remember?" I look to Sam. He nods his head "there might be more about it in the book!" I finish telling them.

"Well, where is this book?" Dean asks.

I open my eyes wide "Castiel has it."

He sighs "damn."

"It's fine, it's fine, Sam and I will go and get it from him. I'm sure he'll give it to us." I look at Sam who nods agreeing with me.

Dean rejects my idea "the hell you will, you're not going anywhere near him while he's an angel. I'll go with Sam" he suggests instead.

"I don't think that's a good idea either." Sam explains "you're pretty pissed off at him right now Dean, you shouldn't be around him."

"I'll be fine!" Dean stammers back.

"Just stay here with Hayden, please Dean. Let me do this." Sam sighs out, tired of fighting his brother.

Dean looks to me and I nod slightly. He sighs in agreement "fine."

"I'll head out and look for Cas. I'll be back with the book." Sam says walking out of the room.

Dean turns to me "so what did this book say?"

"I only read the part about life being the way to remove the mark. Castiel was reading it and I was going to read it after." I explain.

"We need that book" he murmurs under his breath.

"Why does Castiel think the grace from our baby is his?" I ask him the question that's been on my mind.

"Well he pulled me from hell. I have his mark on me too." He pats his arm. "It wasn't easy getting me out of there, he could've left some of his grace in me. Which in return is now part of our baby." He tries to answer my question and it seems his own.

"What about our little girl? Do you think she had grace too? Do you think it could have something to do with why we lost her?" I whisper out in sadness. I don't want to make Dean sad, but I want to know why.

"Could be. There's really no telling." He responds looking into my eyes. I take a deep breath and as I exhale tears begin to fall from my eyes. Dean swoops in and embraces me tightly. "Hey. It's okay H. It's okay." He rubs his hand up and down my back

"Why is this happening?" I ask into his chest. Only Dean doesn't answer me, he just keeps on holding me.


	50. Chapter 50: Finding Castiel

Sam returns later the next day. He knocks on the door to the room we are converting for the baby. "I couldn't find him" his head is hung low and his eyes don't meet ours.

"You pray to him?" Dean asks working a wrench to put together the crib.

"Yea, a bunch of times. Nothing at all." Sam replies.

"Damn it, Cas" Dean mutters under his breath.

"Sounds like he doesn't want to be found." I add "what if I pray to him?" I speak up. Dean's head turns sideways to look and me and his eyes are wide with disagreement.

"Not gonna happen" he says then turns his head away as if that's the end of the conversation.

"Why not? He has something we want and I have something he wants, we can make a trade-" I suggest. I don't get very far into explaining before her interrupts.

"No! I'm not sticking you with needles to find more grace. How long did it even take him before he got the amount he did!" Dean argues putting the tools down with force.

Sam speaks up "it could work, Dean" Sam agrees with me.

"Thank you!" I smile to the younger Winchester.

"Are you kidding?" Dean looks at me angrilyz

"I'm suggesting we do it as a trap.." Sam counters. I nod slowly agreeing because that wasn't really my idea but anything to get Dean on board. Me and Sam spend the next 20 minutes convincing Dean to go along with the plan.

He reluctantly agrees "only we have to wait until those bruises are gone. We don't exactly know much blood Castiel took out and I know your body needs to heal from it. And if anything seems to go wrong with you or the baby, we stop instantly, got it!" He looks at us waiting for an agreement.

"Sure!" I smile, happy he's on board.

"Fine." Sam agrees.

"Now, can we finish this baby room? There's like 3 months left." He looks between the two of us. We smile and start the room again.

The bruises from the blood drawing take about 2 weeks to heal. "So tomorrow then?" Sam asks after he looked at my arms, the bruises basically all gone but one teeny mark.

"I guess" Dean agrees "remember what I said, if anything goes wrong.." His eyes wide

"We stop" I finish his sentence "I know." I grab his arm to assure him. He smiles a fake smile and leaves Sam and I alone.

"He has a plan for trapping him?" I ask Sam.

Sam answers "Yea, basic enough. And a back up plan too." He adds on to telling me.

"Back up plan?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow.

"If it comes down to it.0 He tries to be vague about it.

"Sam, what's the back up plan?" I push further, wanting to know.

He sighs "I'm only telling you because you're the only one who could stop him from going through with it."

"Sam!" I semi yell "just tell me!"

"If things don't work out, he's going to kill Castiel with the blade." He tells me.

My eyes grow wide "he can't do that. He can't kill him!" Sam shrugs at me like he has nothing else to say so I leave him and look for Dean.

I find Dean, hands in head, sitting on the edge of our bed. I go over and kneel in front of him. My growing belly making it a bit difficult to get down.

"Dean" I whisper his name, he doesn't respond. "You can't kill Castiel" his eyes look to me after I say that.

"Sam" he growls his brothers name under his breath.

"You can't kill him, he's family!" I say again a bit louder this time.

"No, no. You're family. The moment he touched you he was no longer my family" Deans arms are tense when he says this.

"He's only trying to help" I defend him.

His shoulders tense up again as he lifts his head to look at me "that wasn't helping. He put you and the baby at risk. I won't let him do it again. I'll protect you and him." He leans down to touch my stomach "And if that means I have to kill Castiel, so be it" he says determined.

"I don't want that to happen. Castiel is still the same person. He's trying to save his family too. There was a time when you were helping him with that." I remind him.

"Until I had to save my own." He responds back.

"If this is his grace, doesn't he deserve to have it back?" I ask him, curious to what he believes about it all.

"Not if it's going to hurt you or the baby" he says directly. I nod my head. I know I can't talk Dean out of it yet. So I just have to make sure my plan works. I get back up and kiss him gently on the lips. He barely kisses me back.


	51. Chapter 51: Attempting the Plan

I wake up early that morning, not sleeping well the whole night. Dean got up hours ago, no doubt not being able to sleep as well that night. I change into a T-shirt and a pair of pregnancy pants before walking out to find the brothers. They are together in the dungeon just waiting for the day to begin. Dean is sitting in the chair and Sam is propped up against the wall, neither of them talking.

"Let's give this a go" I say smiling, trying to loosen the obvious tension in the room.

"We can still change our minds" Dean says standing up as I walk over to him.

"Nonsense, it's just some needles. I'll be fine." I push my anxiety away trying to believe it. I take a seat and look between the both of them standing next to each other. It's in that moment I decide our son will need a sibling. Someone who would do anything for one another, who would always be there like they are or each other.

"Why are you smiling?" Sam asks curiously.

"Oh nothing." I decide not to tell them what I was thinking. "Who's gonna do the honors?" I change the subject.

"I will" Sam says.

"No, Sammy. I should be the one to do this" Dean hesitates

"I don't think you should be the one to do this. She's your girlfriend and that's your baby. I don't think it's a good idea" Sam explains.

"I'll be fine." He fights back

I speak up "I agree with Sam. I don't want you to do it either. Let Sam be the one."

He sighs "fine" and puts himself against a wall annoyed at the two of us.

"Alright, let's do this then." Sam shrugs walking over to grab a needle. Sam grabs the first needle and finds a vein. He pulls up on the syringe and it fills with red blood. He pulls it out and places it next to an empty one. He grabs another needle and repeats the process, it fills with more blood. He does this 3 more times, all filling with blood. Each time Sam would insert the needle into my arm Dean would squirm. I know how uncomfortable this is making him.

"You've done 5, how many are you gonna try?" Dean stands up walking over to us wanting to stop.

"I'm fine Dean, I promise. I can do more, we need to do more. We have to pull some grace for this plan to actually work." I urge him looking into his eyes trying to get my point across to him.

"Why don't you try pulling blood from my hand" I suggest to Sam when he grabs another needle. He listens and finds a vein in my hand. Dean leaves the room. Sam and I stay in there for 15 more minutes pulling blood.

"Let's stop for now, we'll try again in a few days"

Sam says resting another filled needle on the tray.

"Sure thing" I say standing up. I feel a bit light headed and fall back into the chair.

Sam rushes over "you okay?" He grabs a bold of me when I stand back up.

I nod quickly "yea, yea, just stood up too quickly. Don't tell Dean, he'll worry for no reason. I'm fine" I smile to him.

He nods, slowly removing his hands from me and watching me closely. I walk out of his sight and go to Dean.

"Anything?" He asks hopeful laying on the bed. I shake my head no in response. "Damn it" he murmurs out.

"It's alright, we'll try again in a couple of days We'll get some, I know it's there." I reinforce the idea.

"I hate seeing you like this" he looks down to my arms, needle pricks over them.

I try and cover the marks "it's nothing." I brush off the insecurity.

"I just can't stop thinking about you passed out in that chair. It makes me so mad" he clenches his fists.

"well then we need to take your mind off of it." I flirt with him

"Like that's gonna happen" he responds not catching on to what I'm getting at. I rub my hand up his leg and grab his member hard. His head jerks up when I do and he gives me a sideways look.

"That'll take your mind off things!" I smirk to him.

He tries to move my hand away "we shouldn't.." But I grab at it tighter and he tries to shift

"But I want too." I bat my eyes to him with a grin.

"Are you sure it's even okay to have sex when you're this far along?" He asks me

"Who says we have to have sex?" I unbutton his pants. His smile grows wide and he helps me pull them off. He's already full erect by then so I place my mouth on him and start to move. I work my tongue around, listening to him moan in enjoyment as I move up and down.

"Alright. Your turn" he smiles at me when he's finished. I giggle in anticipation as he runs his fingers up my inner thigh, lingering around my underwear. He pulls them down and puts two fingers inside, kissing my neck as he moves his hand inside of me. After a few moments his tongue is now licking me below "mmmm" I moan out in pleasure "deannnnnnnn.." I say his name as I become closer to going. I arch my back as I orgasm, trying my hardest not to scream his name louder.

He lays down next to me when I'm finished but I get up and go over to the mirror to freshen up. I fix my hair and then start to put anti stretch-mark lotion on my stomach "ughhh these stretch marks will never go away.." I say rubbing it in "one of the many negative parts of being pregnant!" I say moving onto my thighs

"You look great Hayd.." Dean says from the bed

"Yea, right" I retort back to him looking down at my feet. Soon I won't be able to see them.

"You're beautiful" he says but I ignore him. "Hey, listen to me." His tone is urgent making me look to him through the mirror. He's sitting up this time at the edge of the bed "come here.." He reaches his hand out so I walk over to grab them, wondering what he wants. He holds both my hands with one of his and puts the other on my stomach "you are beautiful. You're more beautiful right now than you have ever been. Every day you get more and more beautiful." I start to blush and looks away but he pulls me back in "I mean it." He finishes and I melt looking into his forrest green eyes.

"I love you" I whisper out, not being able to say anything else.

"I love you too" he says back. He leans forwards and kisses my stomach "and we love you" he says to my growing belly. He looks up up to me smiling "alright, lets get some lunch!" He gets up leaving the room and I follow closely behind him.


	52. Chapter 52: Deception

2 days go by before we try to to pull more grace. Same routine as the last time, Dean sulks in a corner, I sit in the chair, and Sam pulls the blood.

"I don't understand." Dean says frustrated "how was he able to get some before and we can't get anything!" He punches his fist down on the metal cart.

"I don't know, are we sure it even came from her. He could've just said that." Sam puts doubt into the air.

"Why would he lie though?" I ask, pretty sure that's not what happened.

Sam tries 4 more times before Dean stops him "it's not gonna work, we just need to stop."

"Maybe you're right" Sam agrees putting the filled needle down.

They go to leave but I speak up "wait!" They turn around "this is going to sound crazy." They stare waiting for more "Dean found me passed out, so Castiel must've pulled a lot of blood. What if the baby protected me or something. I don't know.." I say shrugging and trailing off, knowing what I'm saying to them probably sounds insane.

"The baby protected you?" Sam's eyebrows are raised high thinking.

"I know it sounds crazy, but our baby is clearly different. What if it was protecting me, to protect itself?"

"So you're saying we should pull more blood?" Sam begins to nod understanding where I'm coming from.

"Yea, maybe that's why it took so long to get some out." I say to them.

"No! Not part of the plan! We're not pulling enough blood out of you where you are going to pass out again!"

"Dean! It could work!" I argue back.

"Why does everything that could work have to put us at risk! There are negative side effects to lack of blood, and lack of blood with a baby! You're lucky you didn't have to go to the hospital after last time! We aren't pulling anymore blood, this is finished. Do you understand me?" He demands an answer from me.

"Dean, just listen-" I speak up but he interrupts me

"No. You listen, we're finished. Got it?" He demands again.

"Yea" I simply say, he looks to his brother who nods and then he storms out of the room. "Sam-" I trail off when I know Dean is gone.

"I know Hayden, we need to keep going."Sam says to me

"Deans gotta be gone though, he can't know until after." I say and Sam agrees. We stay in the room coming up with a plan behind deans back.

It wasn't hard to come up with a plan. I use my pregnancy cravings as an excuse. "Dean I hate to do this right now but I'm cravvinnng Chinese food!" I say walking into the kitchen.

"Really, now?" He says putting the knife down.

"Yea, the baby wants what it wants" I smile to him lying.

"The usual?" He asks reaching for his phone.

"Actually.." I bite my fingernail. He sighs "there's this Chinese place a town over that has these fried shrimp squares.. I'm craving those!" I say.

"You can't just have regular Chinese?" He asks annoyed.

"I'm craving those shrimp things babe, I'm sorry.. I just need that!" I say dramatically

"Fine. Find the number. I'll ask Sam if he wants anything.." He throws the sandwich he was making Into the trash annoyed and leaves. I feel myself become angry at his attitude, but I remind myself that I'm lying to him. I pull up the phone number and we order our food 5 minutes later.

Dean leaves 10 minutes later to pick up the food. We have maybe an hour before he gets back. We waste no time.

"Alright, we don't have much time so I'll pull as much as I can, as fast as I can.. You're gonna bruise pretty quickly" Sam says grabbing the first needle

"Let's just do this.. I'd like to be sleeping in bed by the time Dean gets back!" I half smile to Sam. He smiles back and sticks the syringe into my arm.

A few attempts later and I'm starting to feel light headed. I look over at the viles and I've lost at least a pint of blood, I let Sam know how I'm feeling "Sam, I'm starting.. I'm starting to feel light headed.. If I pass out, keep going.. This. This needs to work." My eyes blink fast to keep them open

"You've lost a lot of blood.. Maybe we should stop!"

"No, don't stop.. Finish this Sam" I say my eyes rolling behind my head.

"Hayden, Hayden I got it!" I hear Sam's voice calling to me but I can't open my eyes.. I try to tell him I heard him but I can't speak "Hayden!" He calls to me shaking my shoulders. "Alright, let's move you" he lifts me out of the chair.

"One, one more" I barely get out

"No. We got some, that's enough" he says down to me.

"One more" I say again. And after a moment I'm propped into the chair again and feel another needle poke my hand.

The door to the room slams shut and I'm woken up! Dean is pacing in front of the door "Dean" I whisper out still tired

"Damn it Hayden!" He yells to me

"Sam told you?" I squint my eyes

"Yea! What the fuck! You agreed to stop!" His voice is still loud

"No, you wanted to stop. I wanted to keep going. And it worked!" I remind him. I wonder how much Sam was able to get out of me.

"At what cost! I'm taking you to the hospital! You need to get checked out!" He comes closer to me

"And say what, we took out a pint or so of blood, please fix her? That's ludicrous" I say slowly sitting up.

"I don't care what.. You need to get checked out. What if something happened to the baby!"

I take a deep breath to stay calm "the baby is fine, I'm fine.. I just need to rest.. We can continue the plan now" I try to change directions

"You're not fine! I never should have agreed to this!" He continues to yell "I don't know what I would do if something happened to this baby.. I can't go through that again.." He slips out

"Is that what this is about?" I ask him

"What? No" he tries to cover up. I give him a look "sort of.. Hayden, you're already farther along then last time.. We don't know what's going to happen.. Something can happen again"

I go to stand up but feel dizzy so I sit back down, Dean comes over to me "and nothing can happen.. We can't live with fear Dean.. It wouldn't be living.." I touch his leg

"What you and Sam did was reckless, you also can't be stupid!" He responds

"Sam knew what he was doing, and so did I" I defend our actions

"I don't care! It's my baby too, I didn't want you to do this.." His voice is still angry

"I'm sorry we lied to you but I'm not sorry we did it. We got what we wanted.." I tell him. He walks out of the room without another word and I go back to sleep.


	53. Chapter 53: Getting Help

I wake up and search the bunker for Dean but he's gone, and so is Sam. I try their cell phones but they both go straight to voicemail. I hang around for what feels like forever (in actuality it was only an hour), before I decide to try and call Castiel. I pull up his number and dial. It rings once then goes to voicemail.

"I don't understand, why, why do you want me to say my name?" Beep beep beep beeeeeep. I hang up without leaving a message.

An entire day goes by without a word from anyone and I begin to freak out. Dean would never do something like this, something is wrong. I go into our bedroom and find one of Dean's other phones, I scroll in his contacts to he C's and dial one of the numbers

"Well if it isn't Dean Winchester.. What can the king do for you today?" The Scottish accent rings out

"Crowley, it's Hayden.. Deans missing" is all I can think to say, I don't like the idea of asking him for help, but what otter choices do I have

"Oh, Mrs Dean, what a pleasure! How's the baby bump?" I hear his smirk through the phone

"Fine! Look, I can't get ahold of anyone. Are you gonna help me or not?" I tap my toe impatiently waiting for a response

"Do you know me at all? I don't just go around handing out favors.. I'll need something in return."

"What?" I grit through my teeth getting angrier

"The first blade" he answers immediately

"What? No? I can't.." I start to say as I walk to the babies room where I hid the blade "why do you want the blade?" I ask reaching for it in its cloth.

"It's special to me.. Now, do we have a deal or not?" He asks

"Fine" I get out, there's no time to waste. We'll find a way to get it back.

"Meet me at your old bar in town. And don't dilly dally" he demands and hangs up

"Thanks" I say sarcastically to a dead line and throw the phone down. I change quickly, pack a bag, hide the blade in the clothes and leave the bunker.

I walk in and see Crowley sipping a mojito at the bar. I walk over slowly and sit next to him, Dan passes me a water as I sit and I smile his way. He gives a quick glance to the man next to me in a suit and raises his eyebrows. I nod my head and confirm that's who I'm here to see, he shrugs and walks away

"I've been waiting" he says to me

"I'm 7 months pregnant, I can only move so fast.."

"You have the blade?" He looks at the bag I brought in

"Yes, but first the return of Sam and Dean."

He sighs out heavily "you sure you want to do this?" He eyes me

"Yes, now where are they?" I say sternly. He quickly finishes his drink, drops money on the bar and walks out

"Where's your car?" He says when we get outside. I give him a look "I'll take you to where they are, it's a couple hours away.. Unless you just want to sit around some more" he says annoyed. I walk over to the car and he sighs again "you'd think they'd give the pregnant Winchester something comfortable to ride in." And gets in.

The whole trip was filled with him reminiscing his bromance with Dean, and how I've got in the way of things.

"We were close at one point" he says half way through he drive." I just give him a side glance, never fully indulging in his conversation attempts. "Then he ruined it by curing me, getting me addicted to human blood" he snorts looking out the window

"How's that going anyway?" I smirk looking at him

"Kicked the habit, I wasn't a very effective king with that addiction" he spills

"I see.." I say looking back at the road

"The rumor around the depths of hell is that you're baby will be the one to remove the mark of Cain from Dean.." He changes the subject

"Yea, and..?" I ask him not sure where he is going with this

"Just curious what you two have planned for raising the little monster?" He asks. I give him a nasty look "what? You have to have a plan" I just give him another look "oooh awkward" he turns his head away from me.

We arrive at yet another old run down building 3 hours later.

"Why are they here?" I put the car in park and ask him

"I did my part, now.. The blade?" He opens his hand.

"I don't know if he's here or not, if you want the blade you'll have to come in!" I get out of the car before he could object and storm the front door

"Just like the brothers.." He rolls his eyes catching up to me.


	54. Chapter 54: Cain

I open the metal door and it makes a loud creaking sound. So much for sneaking in, I listen to the echo fade away. There's silence following it. Something feels off, worse then the feeling I have around Angels and Demons. I slowly place the bag down and unzip it. I reach around and find the handle, it feeling comfortable in my hand. I pull it out

"Bloody hell! What are you doing with that thing?" Crowley shakes and steps back from me

I stare at him intently "can't do anything with it anyway.. Let's move." He says walking ahead of me.

He doesn't know about the baby having the mark. He walks in front of me and I try to concentrate on his bald spot, instead of the freckles on his neck that I want to puncture with the blade.

We find a stairwell and start to walk upstairs. Every stair creaking under our weight. Crowley gets to the top and freezes. I step up and see the brothers on their knees, Cain standing above them welding a knife. Castiel is entrapped in a circle of flames. All eyes are on us.

Crowley leans over and whispers to me"This is one reunion I do not want to be apart of. You'll hear from me about the blade." And he's gone

"What are you doing here?" Dean shouts, blood falling from his face onto a pile on the ground.

"What are you doing? You don't kill" I make my voice shake to throw him off. My arm behind my back, hiding the blade from sight.

"If he dies" Cain gestures to Dean "the child won't have the mark.."

"You can't kill him with that" I remind him

"Why do you think they are still alive, I've been waiting for you" a smile creeps onto his face. I don't respond. "Go on, I know you have it" he nods towards me.

I lower my arm "and I'm suppose to just hand it over?" I growl, he won't kill Dean, he won't.

"Of course not" he stretches out his arm and the blade shakes in my hand. I grip onto it tightly and stare at Cain. Seconds go by and my grip doesn't loosen, his face begins to contort into confusion.

"This blade isn't leaving my hand!" I yell out to him

"I don't understand" he says still trying for the blade

"You thought the mark would be stagnant until the baby was born? Of course it isn't, it's pulsing through me too" my smile grows as his eyes flutter at the realization

"Well, what are you waiting for then?" He asks lowering the knife in his hand. Sam and Dean slowly standing up and Cain walks closer to me.

"Hayden! Give me the blade!" Dean is reaching for it now, it's shakes again in my hand at his desire for it.

"No" my eyes grow dark with anticipation as Cain gets closer. Dean runs ahead and jumps to tackle him, but he anticipates it and slams him against a wall, eyes turn demon black.

"You think you can fight me? Look at you. Give me the blade and I'll spare your life." He speaks slowly like his steps "your child will not be as lucky"

I hiss back to him "I don't need to be spared"

"Hayden!" Deans voice is low. I see Sam and Castiel muttering to one another behind him but my eyes are fixated on Cain, inching close and closer.

He gets a few feet away from me and drops to his knees "go ahead" he lowers his head for me to strike.

"Don't do this Hayden! This isn't you!" Dean yells from across the room

"Of course it's me.. This is what I'm becoming.." I start to raise my arm

"Let me do this, you don't want this on your hands!" He tries to bargain with me

I lift my eyes to his quickly "it's too late for that" I say. His eyes are sad but I could care less. All I want to do is puncture Cain's heart with the blade.

"It's not too late Hayden.." He walks closer to me. I'm not concerned about it, he can't do anything to me with the blade in my hand. I'm in control. "You don't have to do this, you can just walk away. You need to walk away" he gets closer.

I get more angry as he speaks and I feel the blood boil inside of me "you don't get to be the one to kill him!" I grit through my teeth lowering the blade unfocused "he gave you the mark, which ultimately gave him the mark.. And I'm the one in between. I have just as much of a right to kill him as you do!" I continue "who knows what's going to happen to me after this, no one thinks of that! It's all about curing Dean, curing the baby, don't worry about the host!" I let lose my insecurities. Cain adjusts on his knees and my eyes fixate on him again. Dean is basically next to Cain now. "I'm going to do something for myself.." I say.

I raise the blade up and at the same time Dean is lunging at me. He swings me against the wall hard but the blade stays in my hand. I try to move it but I'm suddenly feeling a pinch in my neck. My body begins to relax and a sense of calm rushes over me. "Dean" I basically whisper as the realization sets in.

"It's okay, you're okay.." I look down at his hand and see a syringe with just a little bit of something blue showing. I look to my other hand and see the blade.

"Dean.. I, I.." I can't get out the words.

"It's okay" he laces his hands around the edge of the blade and I let it go out of my hands.

Dean is grabbed from behind and tossed across the room. His hand whacking me in the face as he flies. I fall to the ground grabbing at it feeling the blood. Sam rushes over to help me.

"Dean!" I croak out looking behind him seeing him fight Cain for the blade.

"Dean!" Sam whips his head around remembering his brother.

"Sam!" Castiel yells from the other side of the room, still trapped inside the holy circle. Sam looks to me and I nod. I grab the bottom of my stomach as I watch everything unfold in front of me. Sam stomps out part of the fire around Cas and he is instantly at deans side.

I stand helplessly against the wall, watching Dean reach for the blade. Cain is now on the floor. Everyone's eyes on Dean as he raises the blade high above his head. My eyes widen at his arms forcefully swing down and the blade enters through Cain, puncturing his heart. Cain lets out a blood curdling cry, as do I, only no one can hear mine over his. I fall to the ground in pain as something wet drips down my leg. A shadow stands over me and I look up for Dean. Only it's not Dean, it's Crowley.


	55. Chapter 55: Life & Death

"Well come, you don't want to give birth in this dump" he cocks his head. I go to scream out but my mouth is suddenly covered with tape and my hands tied together. I'm now in a dark, damp, crypt like room with one door. I waddle to the door in pain but it's locked, I go over to the window but it's covered by bars. I'm stuck.

"Ahhhh! Crowleyyyy!" I scream his name out on anger when the pain of labor hits moments later. He enters the room when I stop screaming

"That is not how I want my name to be called by a woman" he tries to joke walking in the room. The door shuts behind him.

"You transported me here?! You couldn't have done that before?"I growl, sweat beginning to drop down my face. "What do you want?" I add on

"They were still on their way to Cain when you called, I had to wait" he explains "it's not like I wanted to kidnap you and have Deans mutant baby be born here, but in case you missed it, you no longer had the blade. And Dean wouldn't give it up willingly, so I needed some insurance.." He flings something off of his tie. I scream out in more labored pains. "Interesting, isn't it?" He walks closer to me "the moment Cain dies, your water breaks.. I wonder if that could be just a coincidence"

"You'll get the blade, let me go!" I groan out, ignoring what he just said

"Of course I will" he smirks "I have you, and the baby." I hear a buzzing sound and Crowley reaches into his pocket "there he is now" he says before accepting the call.

He goes to speak but deans yelling into the phone before he can "WHERE THE HELL DO YOU HAVE HER, CROWLEY! I swear I'll kill you!" He threatens

"Calm down squirrel, she's fine, so is the child. I just want to make a simple exchange"

"Anything!" I hear him yell back

"The blade for the girl" he smiles

"Done!" He says and I smile, we can get the blade back later, I need to get out of here before the baby is born.

"And a favor for the baby" Crowley's smirk returns

"What!?" Me and Dean say in unison

"Is the baby.." Dean starts to say but Crowley interrupts him

"The baby is not born yet, but I can wait to deliver the girl until he has been, shouldn't be too long" Crowley mocks into the phone

"What favor?" I hear Dean ask. I scream again in pain bringing me back down to the bed.

"Do we have a deal or not? She can pop any second" Crowley stands there

Deans voice is desperate "Yes! Bring them back!" Crowley hangs up the phone and grabs a hold of me.

"Leave the blade inside, I'll deliver them after I get the blade." Crowley tells him then hangs up. He turns his attention to me "hold on to that child, I don't want baby guts all over this floor. Disgusting" he disappears.

A few blinks later Crowley returns with the blade in hand. He places it down on a table and walks towards me "ok, let's go" he reaches his hand out. I grab a hold of my stomach and close my eyes.

When I open them again I'm inside the building. Cain's dead body lying lifeless, bloody next to me. I scream in horror and pain, falling to the ground.

It's not long before Dean rushes into the open room and over to me. Sweat continues to poor down my face as the pain increases.

"We need to get you to the hospital! It's too soon!" Dean goes to scoop me into his arms.

"It's too late, I won't make it!" I push his hands away "he's coming!" My eyes brim with tears.

"Cas" Dean turns to his old friend desperately

"I'll do what I can to take care of her." He nods to Dean walking over to me.

Dean then looks to his brother "Sam, Sammy! What do we have? I need whatever can be useful" Sam nods and run down the stairs.

Dean moves me against a wall. I rest my back against it and he rips off my pants. I can't focus on anything but the dead body in the room. Dean notices my eyes and follows them to the body.

"Cas! Can you?" He gestures his head over to Cain lying there. Castiel looks and then nods. He walks over to Cain and they both disappear. Sam comes running up the stairs, hands full of rusty tools.

"I got whatever I thought could be useful. Here!" He thrusts a pillow at us and Dean takes it and puts it behind my lower back.

"We had this blanket back there covering things" he unwraps a blanket "use it to cover her until the baby is born" he hands that over as well

"Okay. Okay!" Dean yells frantically.

I grab a hold of his hand and grip it hard "Dean. Calm down, please. I need you to calm down!" I look into his eyes. He takes a deep breath and nods slowly letting the air out

"Okay, I'm trying to remember what those books said" his eyes move in his head as he thinks. I scream in pain as the contractions continue to get closer "okay, we need to figure out how dilated you are.." He moves down to my legs and looks in "I have no idea how dilated you are but I think you're crowning!" He says as calm as he can, but I still hear the panic in his voice.

"Here we go" Sam says walking over to his brother. Castiel is now back as well. "Can you do this?" Sam asks his brother. Dean looks at him with wide eyes "can you deliver the baby?" Deans eyes open wide at the realization of him delivering our baby and he stops breathing "move!" Sam pushes him out of the way. And he falls onto his butt next to me.

I stretch my hand out for him to grab and he does. He slowly crawls back to my side and I grip him tightly as pain flows through my entire body.

"Okay, you are crowning so your gonna have to push Hayden!" Sam yells over my screams. I nod at him and look to Dean who's looking at me. I take a deep breath and push hard, my stomach reacting to the pressure. "Good! More!" Sam encourages me with a smile.

"Sam" Castiels face is concerned.

"Stop it Cas! Push Hayden, it's looking good! I see the head!"

Dean finally speaks "what, what's wrong Cas?" He leans over to look under the blanket and his face turns white "fix it!" He throws his head back up to his angel friend

"I'm weakened, I'll only be able to heal one.. I can heal her but if the baby needs it, it'll be too late.." Castiel says in a low tone.

Deans eyes connect to mine but he jerks them away quickly to face the angel "I don't care, fix her!" He yells.

"Hayden push!" Sam yells again.

Castiel raises his hand towards me but I yell at him "STOPPPPPP!" I get out with one big push, Sam and Castiel freeze, looking at me.

It's silent for a moment longer until the sound of a cry echoes through the building.

"He's here, he's okay!" Sam pulls the blanket off me and I drop my legs. Dean throws his jacket over me.

"Castiel, is he okay?" Dean looks again to the Angel for answers

Castiel reaches his hand down to the baby and puts his 2 large fingers on his petite forehead. "He's fine!" He smiles to Dean.

"Hayden, he's healthy!" I hear Dean say but my eyes are closed. I don't know what Dean wanted Castiel to fix, but I'm assuming it has something to do with blood.

"Cas, hurry!" I hear again

"I'll do what I can" and I feel the Angels rugged hands on my forehead.

Something inside of me goes cold and I fade away listening to the sounds of my baby cry.


	56. Chapter 56: A Family

I open eyes and everything is bright. The lights are blinding and I squint in pain. "Owe" I say out moving my hand to cover my eyes. Wires attached to the arm are making it odd and uncomfortable, I try to grab at them but I can't see anything

"DEANNNNN!" I hear Sam's voice call out. The door to the room basically flies off the hinges and Dean runs in.

He is at my side before I can finish smiling "you're okay.. You're at the hospital now.." Dean explains to me

I don't care about any of that "our.. our son.." I get out to him trying to look around, still not adjusted to the light

"He's right here!" Deans smile is wide moving to the side where a baby crib lays "he was born small but healthy" Dean beams walking away from me.

I sit up slowly as he picks him up and carries him over, I open my arms as Dean puts him onto my chest. My eyes fill with tears as I rock my baby for the first time.

"Sam, can we have some time?" Dean asks his brother

"Of course, call me later" Sam says making his way out, he stops at the door and turns "I'm glad you're okay Hayden, we really need you" he smiles to me and I smile to him and nod. He leaves us.

"Castiel, he put his hand on me. It didn't work?" I ask confused

Dean responds in a low voice "he was able to stop the bleeding but you wouldn't wake up. He was to weak to do anymore.. So we took you here" he finishes explaining

"What about the mark?!" I ask Dean through my tears and sobs

"Shhh. Just hold him" he diverts the subject

"Dean" I say firmly

"Hayden, we can talk about it later. You just woke up after a week of being out.. Please.." Dean pleads with me

"A week?" I look down to our son in my arms "a whole week?" The tears fall again.

After a few hours of not letting go of him with nurses and doctors checking up on us I finally get another moment alone with Dean. My eyes are cried out at the moment and my heart is filled with joy as our son rests in my arms, peacefully.

"Can we talk about the mark now?" I look to him

He lets out a small sigh and nods his head "sure" he walks over to me rolling up his sleeve. He gets close and I look at his arm intently.

I gasp in shock "it's gone!"

"Yea" he says solemnly rolling his sleeve back down and sitting next to me

"Does that mean?" I look down to our son

"I think so" Dean rubs his hand over mine.

"We have to do something" my eyes plead with Dean.

"I know. We are looking into some things. Cas gave us that book.. Sam is reading and translating as we speak" he rubs a finger against my cheek.

I nod and remember the book "did Castiel get his grace back" I ask him

Dean looks at me confused "No. I had to inject you with it. You were going to kill Cain, the first blade.." He trails off

"You put it back in me? why?!" I sort of scream waking the baby up. I rock him a little bit to stop the fussing and he falls back to sleep quickly. I look back to Dean waiting for his response.

"It was the only thing I could think to do that would counter the mark. Sam was able to pull a lot of grace out, maybe all of it.. You were full on dark with the blade in hand.." He explains to me "I couldn't let you kill him.. So I used Castie'ls grace" he shrugged

"I'm so confused. Why were you there? Why was Cain there?" My head floods with flashbacks from the other night.

Dean looks away "I got a hold of Castiel, he said he would make the trade. We got there but he was already trapped in the circle, Cain set us up."

"Is Cas mad about the grace?" I ask.

He shakes his nod no "he would've done the same thing. Turns out, there's another way to get his grace back" he tells me

"So you guys?" I trail off not asking the question

He shakes his head no again and looks down with sad eyes "I can't forgive what he did to you, we will work together to figure these things out, but after that.." He looks back up to me.

There finished. I know what he wanted to say but couldn't, it breaks his heart to lose him as a friend.

I know I can't let that happen "Dean" I start to protest, he interrupts me

"Hayden, please.. That's enough about that night for now. Let's just be a family for a while" he smiles with his mouth closed. I nod my head to agree for now. "Everyone keeps asking about a name.. I didn't want to say it until I knew it's what you wanted.." He says

"Paul" I smile down at the sleeping baby on my arms "Paul Winchester" I turn my smile to Dean

"Paul Abel Winchester" he smiles back with a questioning look.

My smile falters "Abel?" I ask "as in Cain and Abel?"

"Cain saved his brother from becoming Lucifer's pet, that's why he killed his brother. His brother was a good man, being played by the devil. If he has to grow up with this darkness, he should know about the goodness there was before it" Dean explains to me.

I nod to him letting the information sink in, I turn back to Paul and whisper "welcome to the world Paul Abel Winchester."

Dean lays down next to me and three of us lie together, enjoying the moment as a family.


	57. Chapter 57: Helpful Hands

I'm discharged from the hospital 3 days later and Paul was given the clear earlier than that. I follow Dean out of the hospital and I see the impala idling.

I give Dean a look "it's safe, the car seat is strapped in the way it's suppose to.."

"We're switching cars when we get home" I smile sweetly at home and head towards the car

"Sorry baby" I hear Dean murmur to his car as he opens the back door for us to get in.

We pull up to the bunker and he parks outside. He helps us out of the car and we walk inside "welcome home!" A bunker full of people yell at us when we step through. I step back startled with my mouth gaped open and I turn to Dean.

His smile is wider then I've ever seen it before "welcome home, baby" he kisses me on the head and then kisses Paul "welcome home, son"

I walk slowly down the stairs as everyone lines up to see the baby, people I've never met.

"Hayden, Charlie. Charlie, Hayden" Dean says as I come to a red haired, fresh faced woman.

"The infamous Charlie!" I smile to her as we hug, remembering the stories Sam and Dean shared.

"Infamous? Oh please, all lies.." She laughs back when we release. "May I?" She squeaks opening her hands a little to hold him. I nod and slowly pass Paul over. She rocks him and I move on to meet another person.

"Oh I don't know how you did it, but you made this one here" an older woman points to Dean "quiet the man" and opens her arms.

"Sheriff Jodi mills" Dean blushes at the compliment.

The name registers with me and I give her another hug before they she let go of me. She looks at me with a smile and confused eyes "I hope you know, your like a mother to them" I whisper in her ear. Her eyes soften and she smiles back.

I move on to the last strange face and a thin man smiles wide "this is Garth" Dean introduces us

"Garth? As in.." I begin to ask

"One in the same, come here and give me a big ole hug!" A country twang emits from his mouth as he embraces me. He hugs me tighter than I anticipated for him being so small.

"Hi" I choke out "it's nice to meet you!" I say after he lets go

"Oh shucks" he smiles to me "I know your nervous about me being a werewolf, I'll stay away from your little booger to ease your nerves" he says

"Nonsense. It's fine" Dean adds in.

I confirm "it's fine, Dean trusts you, so I do too!" I smile back

I move over to the last one in line, Sam. I give him a big hug before he can finish even opening his arms. Dean hugs his brother after I do "thanks man, this was really nice of you" he turns his attention to everyone "to all of you"

"Well, there's more to it then just a party." Sam speaks up

"A newborn is a lot of work, your gonna need some help!" the sheriff says smiling passing our son over to Garth

"Anndddddd we've got some heavy research to do.." Charlie adds in

"Research?" I ask not following

"If the baby does have the mark, we want to find a way to remove it from him." Sam adds

"Oh. Right" I say remembering. The mark of Cain is still shadowing our world

Garth steps up next to me and hands Paul to Dean and speaks to us "don't you worry about a thang, we got this"

"Thank you all so much. I don't know what else to say. I'm truly touched" I try to express my gratitude

"We both are" Dean adds in. "We'll see you guys soon. We're gonna go try and put Paul down for some sleep" Dean smiles down at me and I smile back at him as he wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"Thank you" I tell everyone again before we turn to leave.

We walk into our bedroom and I feed him. After he goes straight to sleep. Dean has been sitting on the bed waiting. I walk over and sit next to him after gently placing Paul in the bassinet.

"Heya mom" he smiles at me when I crawl into his arms. I sit with my back against his chest and he wraps his arms around me.

"Hi dad" I smile back to him embracing his strong arms. We sit in silence for just a few minutes, our breathing becoming one as we watch our son sleep. Eventually I turn my head up to face his "this is a bit overwhelming, having everyone here" I admit to him

"Ya I know what you mean. But it'll be nice to have the help" he says back to me

I nod my head agreeing "should we go back out there?"

"First" he says then grabs my face and pulls me in for a tight lipped kiss "I'm so glad your okay, I can't do this without you. I love you" he says staring with his forest green eyes into my soul.

"I love you Dean Winchester" I say back pulling him in for one more kiss.

We pull out the baby monitor, turn it on and walk out hand in hand to join everyone else.

We walk into the room and I take a quick look around.. Garth, Sam, and Jodi are talking to each other over beers by the door, smiling and laughing. Charlie is over at the table sitting on a computer. Dean lets go of my hand and walks towards the group of 3, he turns to me "you coming?"

"I'll be there in a few" I tell him. I walk over towards Charlie. "Hey, what are you doing over here?" I smile to her moving around to her side and sitting

"You and this baby are the best thing to happen to Dean. I'm not going to let some mark of monster ruin it. I'm researching" she cocks her head to me.

Determined. Passionate. Loyal. She's even more awesome then Dean described. I smile a genuine smile to her "thank you" I whisper out. She takes her hand off of the keyboard and places it on mine and smiles back.

"So what are you doing?" I look at the computer, a black screen with green lettering flowing over sentence by sentence emits back to us.

She puts her hand back to the keyboard and types frantically "I'm hacking a government server"

"Why?" I ask in return, of course I know Charlie is a hacker but there doesn't seem to be a reason in my eyes to hack the government.

"Government hides everything. Area 51, 9/11, I'm sure they have some kind of research or old book that could help us!" Her eyes open wide and she nods her head vigorously towards me.

"Your probably right" I say back. Although I don't think the government knows anything about demons, if they are hiding something, Charlie can find it. I notice her beer is almost empty "can I get you another?" I ask her.

"Sure" she hands it over to me whilst still typing. I take the beer and place it on another table while walking over to the cooler to get her a fresh one. I bring it over to her and walk over to where Sam is.

"So you really think we can find something?" I ask him

"We have too.." He says encouraging me.

"Thanks for all of this" I say in between a yawn.

"Maybe you should go take a nap? You seem pretty tired" Sam suggests

"As soon as my eyes shut I'm sure Paul will wake up for a feeding.. Maybe after he goes down next"

I tell him, yawning again.

Dean walks over with the monitor "he's up" he smiles to me

"See?" I turn with a smile of my own to Sam. "Time to go." I begin to walk off and Dean follows, I turn to him "you can stay, I'm just gonna take a nap when he's done. I'm so tired!" I tell him

"It's alright, I want to come" his smile is crooked and his eyes glow. I shrug and we walk to the room.

"Hey little hungry hungry hippo!" Dean picks him up rocking him. I adjust my top, sitting down, and he hands him to me gently. After a few moments Paul is feeding and were sitting in silence. "I don't know how you do it.." Dean whispers out

"Mmmmm" I look to him

He grins "you're perfect." I roll my eyes "you're perfect" he says again holding my hand

"It's not me.. It's us.." I say back

"Family" he returns.

"Family" I echo his words

When Paul is finished he goes back to sleep easily and I lay down to take a nap. Dean kisses me on the forehead and leaves the room. I get about an hour and a half nap before he wakes up again. He doesn't seem to want to feed so I just bring him out with me.

"He won't feed" I smile walking out.

"Little man!" Sam hollers out walking over to take him from me.

"Castiel should be here" I tell Dean when I get over to him. Dean shakes his head. "Dean, I remember that night.. If he wasn't there, I may not be here"

"I know, I just.." He doesn't finish his sentence

"Look at this" I gesture towards everyone on the floor, laughing and talking together "like we said before, family. And he is family" I put my hand on his shoulder. He nods his head agreeing but doesn't move. I pull out my phone and dial the number of the cell phone he was given when he had no grace.

"Hello Hayden" he answers on the third ring

"Castiel, what are you doing? Can you come by the bunker?" I ask him

He hesitates before responding "is Dean okay with that?" He finally asks

"He's fine with it" I tell him. Dean stands awkwardly next to me but doesn't stop me.

"Hello" I hear doubled. I turn around and jump back slightly startled "I'm going to hang up now" he says when I face him. I smile and hang up the phone.

I lean in and give him a hug "thank you.. Thank you for saving me" I pull away and he has a side smile

"It was nothing" he says back

"No it wasn't. I used your grace to pull her back from the blade and you didn't have to stay.. Thank you" Dean steps in. Castiel looks at Dean and nods, Dean then opens his arms to his old friend and they embrace in a hug. They let go and Dean pulls me in for another hug with the 2 of them. Castiel barely hugs us back and Dean laughs when he lets go.

"It's good to see you Cas!" Sam walks over passing a beer over his way.

"You too" Sam acknowledges passing on the beer.


	58. Chapter 58: Another Book

After a couple of days the bunker clears out. Sheriff mills was the first to leave, needing to get back to work.

Garth was the next to go. I didn't tell Dean but I felt more relieved when he left.

One night, it's just Dean, Sam, Castiel, Charlie, and I sitting at a table reading different books and files. Paul is down for another nap in a bassinet in the room.

"Hey, look at this!" Charlie calls us over. The 4 of us gather around Charlie to get a glimpse of the screen "Whoah, need some air here.." She says when we get close

"Sorry" a few of us mumble and move back. Sam and Castiel move aside and sit back down, knowing whatever she found is about the mark and Paul.

"There's this book.." She clicks a few times and pulls up a picture "looks big and old, maybe it'll have some information we could use"

"The book of the damned" I read out loud in a solemn tone "worth a shot" I shrug my shoulders looking to everyone

"Where's it at?" Dean asks rubbing his chin

"Uhh" Charlie clicks and types a few things "some old library storage thing in Ohio" she says looking at a map "I'll head there tomorrow see if I can't get a hold of it" she smiles

"That'd be great, thanks Charlie" Dean pats her on the back walking over to pick up Paul.

We have dinner together that night and they tell me about when they first met one another.

"I'm just glad I finally got to meet you" Charlie smiles to me "your really special to get Dean to settle down" she winks at him

"Oh come on, I'm not that bad" Dean defends himself laughing

"Really?" Sam adds in.

Dean gives him a look "ok, ok, Hayden is special, I know that" he grabs my hand from across the table and smiles at me.

My smile turns to a smirk "I'm curious to know some of these stories Dean tries to hide from me"

"Well there was that time with the girl from Iowa, that trapeze artist" Sam speaks up

Deans head turns to his brother quickly "no, no, it is NOT story time" he urges his brother. We all laugh

"Alright. It's okay, I really don't want to know" I admit to them. We finish our dinner enjoying the company.

Charlie heads out early the next morning. Dean and I are usually up taking turns with Paul so we got to see her off.

"I miss my 4 hours of sleep" Dean yawns putting Paul back down

I chuckle "at least all you need is 4. I'd kill for a 6 hour snooze!"

"When is he suppose to sleep through the night?" Dean asks with another yawn laying down next to me

"Oh hunny" I coyly tease "not for another few months, if we're lucky"

"Ughhh" he wraps his arm around me pulling me close. "And when can we work on more babies" he leans down kissing me

I kiss him back "4 more weeks! And we're deff not having more babies any time soon!" I pull back to inform him

"Oh I know" he nods back to me!

We lay together; tossing in the bed making out. Doing our best not to wake the baby like we're 14 and trying not to wake our parents.


	59. Chapter 59: The Waiting Game

Dean gets a phone call from Charlie 2 weeks later.

"Hey you're on speaker" he says, me and Sam listen in

"I got the book. This thing is huge!" She says into the phone "and old, and I don't even know what language this is in" she rambles on

"Charlie, charlie!" Sam interrupts her circular thinking

"Oh Ya, right, sorry. anyway. I can be back in 2 days. I'm gonna have to steal it" she whispers the last sentence

"Don't get caught" Dean adds in

"Right" you can hear her smile through the phone "come on guys, I learned from the best. Also, I hope your not too rusty with your Latin"

"Great" Dean replies "be careful" he adds before hanging up.

Charlie arrives and Dean basically rips the book out of her hands "sorry it took me so long" she smirks

Dean gives her a weary smile "thanks Charlie, you rock" he walks over to the table

"Tell me something I don't already know!" She quips back

I walk over with Paul and pass him over to her "your the best aunt ever!"

Her eyes glisten "aunt?!" She squeals. I nod my head and her smile widens even more "aunt Charlie!" She brings Paul high into the air and then back down to her chest cradling him.

I smile back and walk over to Dean. He's already pouring over the book, flipping pages trying to get any information from it. "Damn. This isn't Latin Charlie" he finally sits back pushing the book away

"Well what is it then?" She saunters over

"Enochian" Dean replies

"Huh?" Charlie and I spit out together

Dean stands up taking his phone out of his pocket "it's angel language. No wonder it was locked away." He dials a number and puts the phone to his ear. Charlie and I just look at each other and shrug. "Cas, we got the book. It's written in enochian" he explains to the Angel.

He nods and hangs up "he'll be here soon" Dean has a troubled look on his face

"What is it?" I ask

He sighs back "he sounds extremely weak, he's running out of grace"

I shift my eyes away from deans "oh"

"We'll just have to get him some more" innocent Charlie suggests. I smile at her eagerness

"We'd have to kill another angel for that" Dean explains to her

"Hmmm. We don't want to do that" Charlie now understands the dilemma.

Castiel walks into the bunker a few hours later. The 4 of us are sitting at the table waiting as Dean holds the sleeping baby "where's the book?" He asks when he gets down the stairs

"Here" Sam pushes it towards the end of the table.

Castiel coughs as he slowly walks to the book. Dean notices "you don't look so good" he states the obvious

"Do you need a rest?" I add on

"I'm fine, I need to keep looking for my grace. The Angels have a lead on Metatron so I'm here only until they come up with something" he tells us. None of us say anything back but simply nod our heads. "This might take a while" he says opening the first page

Charlie speaks up "is there a table of contents?"

"Angels wrote this, there will be no guide or explanation" Castiel replies without removing his yes from the page.

"If there's anything we can do" I tell him. He ignores the gesture and focus' on the pages.

Dean and I take Paul out of the room and to his crib. "This is it" I say as he places Paul down gently "there needs to be an answer in there, doesn't there?" I ask Dean.

"I don't know. I sure hope so" he turns to me.

"I know this may sound silly, but can we pray?" I ask him.

He smirks a little and nods "of course" he walks over and takes my hands, we sit on the bed and he prays "Lord, please help us find the answer were looking for. Please watch over Paul and our family, Lord. Keep us healthy, and happy. Amen." He lets go and we open our eyes

"You seemed pretty comfortable with that" I shift my eyes to him.

"I've been praying almost every night since you found me in that church" he admits to me

"Really?" I ask astounded "how come you never shared that before?"

He shrugs "didn't seem relevant, I don't know if he's there or not. Castiel doesn't think God is listening anymore, and for ever I never believed.. but I needed some kind of faith" he explains. "There's got to be a plan"

I nod and kiss him on the cheek. We head out of the room and sit in silence as Castiel reads the book.


	60. Chapter 60: The Weakened

Hours pass and there is no mention of the mark in the book yet.

"I'm gonna head out. Follow up on some leads on other books in case this doesn't pan out" Charlie smiles softly

"There's other leads?" I perk up in the chair

She nods and her smile falls "I thought they were less promising then that book there so I didn't mention it before"

"Oh" I fall back into the chair with less hope

"But you never know!" Her perky attitude shows through. I put on a fake smile back to appease her and give her a hug goodbye "thanks Charlie"

Castiel pushes him self back onto the chair rubbing his eyes and coughing another hour or so later

"Anything?" Dean asks

Cas shakes his head "so far it's about opening lucifers cage and about the seals" he explains "I'm not skipping over anything, just in case" he looks to Dean with a scruffy face and tired eyes.

"You should take a break, shower, and rest" I tell him

"I'm fine" he assures us

"No, she's right. You're not well" Dean returns back to him.

"Just a few minutes" he gets up slowly, leaving us behind.

Sam walks in a few seconds later "he doesn't look so good"

"Exactly what we told him" I reply to him

"We're gonna need to figure out his grace situation before he can finish this book" Dean speaks up

"What do you mean?" I ask

"He's not gonna be alive much longer to read the book without getting his grace back." He explains further "Sam, we have to find Metatron" he turns to his brother.

"I agree." Sam simply says

"Where would you even start?" I ask, already sad Dean will be going back out

"with the Angels" Sam speaks up "they've had some leads"

Dean stands up "we'll follow them, find the right one, get our answers"

"How? Torture?" I ask already knowing where they would keep him

"There's really no other option" Dean nods his head "we'll use the blade if we have to"

"But you don't have the mark, or the blade" I remind him

He shrugs "he doesn't have to know that" he turns to Sam with seriousness on his face "let's get going, 20 minutes!" He begins to walk out

Sam stops him "wait!" Dean turns, "shouldn't Cas come with us?"

I look from Sam to Dean waiting for his answer. Dean sighs and answers "we need him here to translate the book" and turns back on his heals.

"I'll watch over Cas" I assure Sam. He nods a firm nod and leaves the room. I follow shortly and walk into the room while Dean is packing quietly not to wake Paul. "How long will you be gone?" I whisper out. He packs a gun then turns to me.

"I don't know, however long it takes to find him.. Unless something happens to Castiel.." He says painfully

"You'll find him before anything happens" I grip on to his hand squeezing it tightly

"I'm sorry I'm leaving you two" he looks me in the eyes now with sorrow.

I shrug it off "it's okay, you have to help him.. We'll be okay here.. Routine doesn't change too much" I look over at our sleeping son. Although I know how difficult it will be without Dean, I need to support his search "besides, you'll be back before you know it" I rub my finger across his hand.

He smiles softly and moves over to Paul. He picks him up gently not to wake him. "Don't get too big on me!" He whispers to him before kissing him softly on the head. He slowly puts him back down.

"Thank you" Dean walks back to me and I stand. He puts his hand under my chin and lifts it up so our lips touch one another's. We kiss for a minute before he pulls away "call me if anything happens!" I nod to him and he grabs his bag, leaving the room.


	61. Chapter 61: More Secrets

The bunker feels empty without Sam and Dean now. Even the echoes of Paul's cries seem louder in the empty spaces.

It's only been a few hours since they left. I haven't seen Castiel since he went to rest and I know I need to check in on him. I walk over to the room he stays in and knock lightly on the door.

"Come in" a raspy voice coughs out in reply

I open the door and peak my head in smiling "how you doing?" I ask

"Better. I'll start reading again soon" he nods to me

"May I?" I ask gesturing into the room.

"Sure" his eyes look to mine for answers and he sits up against the wall

I pull the chair out from the desk and sit on it backwards, resting my arms on the back of the chair and my head on my arms "I'm sorry about Hannah" I say when I'm comfortable

"What do you mean?" He asks not following

"For killing her.. I still don't fully understand why I did it.. I had the blade in my hand and everything was dark" I speak as if he's not there and I'm just trying to comfort myself.

"You were being controlled by the mark, and by impending motherhood" he explains my actions "I didn't see it then, but I understand it now" he adds in. I look at him, my eyes softening as he speaks "I was angry at you because I thought she had answers.. And you killed her, then after I used that grace I had one thing on my mind" he looks past me

"It's alright" I say knowing what he is getting at

"No, please. Let me say this" his voice is firm. "I was putting someone who matters to me at risk, I was willing to hurt someone who considers me family to get what I wanted. I know now. I would never want that to happen." He continues "and after, when Dean wouldn't forgive me.. I started to realize what I have done. So thank you, for bringing me back to the angel I used to be, I want to be" he smiles softly to me

I blush "there really is no need to thank me. I've done some terrible things myself. Let's just get your grace back!" I stand up and he does too.

We embrace each other for a warm friendly hug and we walk back up straight to the room. He sits down and begins translating the book again.

I rotate through between sitting across from him, asking what he's reading, and taking care of Paul.

"Here. Here" Castiel sits up straight and I swivel my head up. The nail I was biting rips half off as pull it out of my mouth. "It just mentioned Cain. How he murdered out of love for his brother.." Castiel drifts off, his eyes darkening as they float horizontally across the page.

"What?" My heart sinks already knowing whatever he read can't be good. Just then I hear Paul's cry from the baby monitor, only it's more desperate then I've ever heard before. Castiel and I both turn to the monitor aware of the desperation. When suddenly we hear a mans voice shhh from the monitor.

I push out of the chair and it falls to the floor with a heavy crash. I run towards his room, Castiel following close behind. I feel my heart inside of my chest, racing as the fear rushes through me like a flash flood. I'm close enough to his room where I see the open door, when suddenly it slams shut! I slam into it, trying to smash through it. The mans voice tries to console my baby again and my stomach turns violently ill. Castiel is next to me, ramming into the door with whatever strength he has left. It's moments later that he is next to me with an ax, handing it over for me to smash through. I didn't even realize he left to grab it. I ax through the door, wooden pieces flying everywhere. I make a hole big enough to peak in and when I do a man I've never seen before turns and smirks at me. Castiel pushes me aside a little and he gasps. I push him aside just as fast and continue hatching at the door.

"He's gone! Hayden, Hayden" I hear Castiel yelling at me. I let my arms fall dropping the ax and he pushes the door open, no longer being held by any force. I run into the room and Paul is still crying, as loud as he ever has. I pick him up, and try to soothe him. It takes a little bit of time before he calms down, but he does and I hold him tightly to my chest.

I turn to Castiel, not knowing what else to do "how did he get in here?" I ask trying not to let my voice shake too much.

"He's, he's an angel" Castiel's whispers sitting in the rocking chair, face pale.

"An angel?" My heart softens just a little, maybe it wasn't as bad as I think. "Why would an angel come to Paul's room?"

"It wasn't just any angel, it was Lucifer" Castiel adds on, in a low tone.

"WHAT!?" I shout! Paul adjusts to my scream with a whine but quickly settles down again. My body sinks into the couch in the room, not being able to support me weight any longer.

"I didn't think of it before, but it all makes sense now" he says. His eyes moving around the room as he thinks out loud "it used to be there was one seal that could break open Lucifer's cage, the one Dean broke.. But that book, that book said something about a back door.. A seal, some kind of unbreakable seal could unlock it with only that one being broken." He finally adjusts his eyes to mine.

"What was the seal?" I ask. My eyes wide.

He puts up one finger and gets out of the chair. He walks quickly to the table where the book is and flips back page after page. He is about the flip past another page but suddenly stops, resting his finger on part of the page.

"When heaven and hell collide, a child of both sorrows will break the fallen free" he reads out loud.

"The fallen free?" I whisper after him

Castiel looks back to me "he's a fallen angel"

"We need to tell Dean!" I move to where I was sitting going for the phone

"Wait!" Cas calls to me. I look at him with my hand frozen in the air. "They will drop everything and come rushing back. They need to find Metatron" he says to me

"The devil was just in my babies room!" I spit out

"You're right. Call them" he returns to me dropping his eyes. I pick up the phone but as I was about to dial his number, I changed my mind. If they can't get Metatron now, Castiel won't make it. And now that Lucifer is out of hell, we are gonna need him. I put the phone back on the table and Castiel smirks back to me "thank you" he almost whispers

"We need you for this" I smile back. "He's gonna be pissed I didn't call him, but he'll just have to get over it" I sit in a chair across from him "what did the book say before everything happened? You looked concerned about whatever you read" I ask.

"It was explaining the effects of the mark. The darkness we saw in Dean" he says. I nod my head "and you" he gestures his arm my way and I nod again. "I'll keep reading and let you know what it says when I've finished. You should take care of Paul. Make sure everything is good in his room"

I stand up "good idea. Let me know as soon as you learn something?" I ask

"Yes" he says back.

I walk out of the room and back to Paul's room. I look around the room and nothing seems out of place or touched. I sigh out in relief. I go to place Paul back in his crib but he screams and cries as soon as I lowered him away from my chest. I soothe him but when I try to put him down a second time he cries out again. I hold on to him tightly, unsure why he is so fussy.

Dean calls later that night "we found a lead" he rushes into the phone when I answer

"Oh thank god" I say loudly, relieved it's another step closer to getting Castiel his grace back and telling him about Lucifer.

"Is he getting worse?" Dean asks

"Oh. Right. Ya, he's not doing so well.." I sort of lie back to him. It's sad how easy that is getting

"We'll be as fast as we can" he replies back "anything new from the book?"

"Yea, there was something. But we haven't been able to make it out just yet so he's reading further" I explain vaguely

"Well what was it?" Deans husked voice asks eagerly.

"It's nothing really, when we get more information and understanding I'll let you know" I quickly rush to cover it up

He sighs "alright. How's Paul?" He asks now

"Oh he's okay, kind of fussy. Doesn't want to be put down" I tell him the truth.

"Poor guy. How are you?" He asks me now.

My heart flutters a little at how sweet this man can be, he's so caring "I'm okay, just miss you and want you back home"

"I'll be back soon" he cuts me off "but Sam's coming back out. I'll call soon. Love you"

He hangs up the phone before I could answer "love you too" I say into the dead air.

I sit in the room, still holding Paul, reading some other books from the men of letters library. Hours pass when I hear a faint knock on my door "come in" I tell Castiel.

He walks in, book open in hand, his eyes dark with news "I found it" Although my knees are shaking and weak, I stand up when he speaks. "There is only one way to rid the mark of Cain from an adult" his eyes flutter away from mine.

"Life" I say back to him and he nods "but there is another way to rid it from a child, from an innocent" he continues "as long as he's still innocent, the mark can be removed this way"

"How?" I stare dazed

"That's the tricky part. The one who gave life bearing the mark has to bare complete innocence as well. When the mind is cleansed, the blood mixed together cleanses the body and soul"

"Wait, blood mixed together?" I repeat back part of what he said

"That's the translated version. Once Dean has an innocent mind, we must mix their blood and the mark from Paul will be cleansed through." He explains to me

"Dean.. Innocent? Is that even possible" I think out loud.

"We will find a way" Castiel assures. I nod my head trying to believe him.

"Thank you" I smile to him

"Hayden, there's something else.." He steps back before I could give him a hug. I look at him concerned. "Paul isn't just any ordinary baby, he's a combined portion.. He.. He's an anti-Christ." Castiel fumbles with the words.

My head shakes in disagreement "no, no. Dean told me about that boy, the boy born from human and demon.. Dean wasn't a demon when I conceived him!" I fight back

Castiel shakes his head back at me "for all intent and purposes, Dean was as dark as a demon is" I put my hand to my stomach feeling ill. Paul is still asleep in my arms and I look down to him. Tears falling from my cheek "he is a very powerful boy. I think Lucifer knows that, I think that's why he was here" Castiel adds to the blow. I'm full out sobbing now on and fall to my knees. Paul wakes up and moves around uncomfortably. "But, he also has something that boy didn't, something Lucifer doesn't know about.. He has grace.." Castiel speaks up lowering to my level.

"What does that mean?" I look up to him through my tears.

"I don't know just yet, but we will find out" he says with assurance.

I nod my head, not believing him. I lift Paul from my arms "do you mind? I need some time to process"

"Sure" he says taking him from my arms. He never cries when he's with Castiel. An observation I made a few days ago.

"I'll be outside in the hammock" I get up slowly. I turn when I get just outside the door "thank you" I tell the angel before walking out of sight.


	62. Chapter 62: Blow Out

Things stay low key for another 4 days. Paul will not sleep in his crib anymore. When either of us try to put him in there he screams and cries. I'm finding it harder and harder as the days pass to keep these things from Dean. I asked Castiel to stop reading until they get back. I can't learn anything more about it without him with me for support.

I lay on the couch with Paul, trying to get him to sleep when Castiel comes running in.

"It's Dean!" He thrusts the phone my way.

"We got him!" I hear Dean say over speaker phone. I sit up straight and Castiel plops down next to me. "We got him Cas!" He says again, we can hear his smile over the phone

"Where was he?" Castiel asks

Sam chimes in "hiding out with some Navajo Indians in Arizona."

"What the?" I spit out. That is so random

"Not surprising. He was around similar people the first time we met him. Should've thought of it sooner" Dean adds "anyway, we'll be back soon! Driving straight through"

"Good. I miss you." I tell Dean. It sounded more desperate then I intend it too.

"Thank you Dean. Thank you Sam." Castiel says over the phone.

"Hey, can I talk to Hayden off speaker for a second?" Dean asks clicking himself off.

I look to Castiel who leaves the room with a little more pep then I've seen him have in a week.

"How is he?" Dean asks

"Well" I start to say "he'll be better when you guys get back here and Metatron gives us some answers"

"And what about you? Is everything okay?" He asks

I lie "oh yea, everything is good"

"I know you're lying. What's going on?" His concerned voice rings in my ears.

I bite my lower lip to stop myself from spilling. I take a deep breath and speak slowly "I just miss you, it's hard taking care of Paul without out.." I tell the partial truth

"You sure that's all?" He asks

"I'm sure" I force a smile, hoping he believes me

"I'll be back soon. I miss you guys too. It'll be better when we finish this grace thing" he tells me

"Mmmmhmm" I say into the phone, he doesn't know we have more problems now. "I love you."

"I love you too. See ya soon" he replies hanging up the phone. I place the cell on the table and lean back into the couch. One of the problems being that we've been lying to him.

I'm in Paul's room, feeding him when I hear the commotion upstairs. They must be dragging him inside through the living area to the dungeon.

I try to block out the noise by singing to Paul

"Amazing grace! How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found;

Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears relieved;

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed."

"Hey babe. You sounded beautiful!" I hear Dean say. the door pushes open and he has a smile on his muddy face.

"Hi" I whisper back, my face lighting up. I feel the tears begin to well and I quickly stand up to give him a hug to try and cover it up.

"Hey, hey" he pushes me back gently "what's wrong?"

I wipe away the falling tear drop "nothing, we just missed you" I adjust and move Paul up showing him his face.

Dean lights up again when he sees his son face "I told you not to get any bigger!" He smiles taking him from me.

"A pound and a half while you were gone! He's been hungry!" I button up my blouse.

"Hey, where's my show?" He winks at me, while rocking Paul in his arms. I roll my eyes "it's good to be back" he says to me while looking down.

"Where's Cas and Sam?" I ask him

"With Metatron, trying to get answers out of him. We need to find that grace quickly!" He tells me

"You think he will help?" I ask

Dean smirks "he'll help if he wants to live. Let's put this one down for a nap and see how it's going" he says going to put Paul down in his crib

"Wait" I try and stop him but Paul already starts to cry and scream. Dean looks up to me with confused green eyes "he isn't sleeping in his crib anymore." I say as a fact.

"Why not?" He asks. I just shrug my shoulders as a response. "Well, he'll just have to get over it" he says back going to put him back in it again.

"No!" I reach my hand out

"Hayden, it's fine. He's a baby. He'll cry for awhile then fall asleep" Dean places him down. Paul's cries are agonizing and I pick him up.

I shake my head while rubbing Paul's back "I can't, you need to know"

"Know what? What's going on?" Deans voice raises a little catching on to my tension.

"We all need to talk. Now" I say to him before walking out of the room.

Dean collects Castiel and Sam quickly, his face eager for information.

"You're gonna need to sit" I tell him when they are all in the room.

Sam and Dean take a seat while Castiel comes around to the side of me.

"Are we about to have "the talk"" Dean whispers jokingly to Sam with a chuckle "cause it's a bit late" he gestures to the baby I'm holding.

I roll my eyes along with Sam"Dean. This is serious." I say with urgency

"OK, what then?" He asks

I look at Castiel whose looking at me, neither of us know where to start. He nods towards me with tired eyes and I cough. "Well, we learned something from the book" I look down at my feet "there's only one way to remove the mark from Paul, and it's not going to be easy.." I trail off

"Whatever it is, we can do it" Sam assures waiting to hear what else we have to say

I look to Castiel, and he speaks the words translated from the book "The one who gave life bearing the mark has to bare complete innocence as well. When the mind is cleansed, the blood mixed together cleanses the body and soul"

The room is silent and I watch Dean as he processes what we just said. After a few moments he finally speaks "so, I need to obtain an innocent mind? How the hell am I suppose to do that?" He asks the room

"We haven't gotten that far" I share with him

Sam sits up straight "I get that Paul is an innocent child, he hasn't been corrupted by the world, but Dean" he gestures to his brother "With everything we've seen and done, there's no way that can happen" he moves his hand through his hair

"We'll have to find a way.. It's all there is" I speak back to him.

"Then we will" Dean gets up walking towards us "good job you guys" he gives Castiel a hug. He comes over to me a hug as well, only I don't reciprocate. He pulls away and looks me in the eyes "what?"

"There's more" I say lowly so only he can hear me. He lets go of my arms and moves backwards back down into the chair. "Paul is an anti-Christ" I spit out looking down at our son, not believing the words.

"He can't be" Dean says in disbelief "No." He says with anger.

"Dean was human, there's no way" Sam adds in with disbelief as well.

"You were being controlled by the Mark" Castiel speaks to Dean "you were as dark as a demon. You might have been fighting it, but it was inside of you. I'm sorry, Dean." His friend says with a somber tone.

"No. He's not. Hayden, he's not. I wasn't, I didn't.." His eyes move quickly through the room.

"Dean.. It's alright.. He's our baby, just because he's an anti-Christ, doesn't mean he's a bad person.. He also has grace inside of him. Something countering that dark" I try to encourage him with something positive. "There's just as much good!" I smile

Deans eyes adjust and he stares at Paul in my arms. I walk over to him and place him in his arms. I sit on the side of the chair, waiting for the right moment to finish telling him everything.

"When did you learn this?" Sam asks from his chair

"A couple days ago" Castiel answers him

"Why wait to tell us?" Sam follows up

Castiel responds again "we didn't want to distract you from your search" It sounds selfish coming from him

"Castiel needs his grace back and fast. We needed you to find Metatron" I add in. "And Dean, there's something else" I say biting my lower lip

His eyes burn with anticipation as he looks up to me "What else could there be?!" his voice screeches exhausted.

"Lucifer" is all I can say, scared of his reaction I move away from the seat.

"Lucifer?" Sam repeats the name

"He's out of the cage" Castiel explains

"How? There has to be seals broken" Dean replies

"There was a secret seal. And it's the only one that has to be broken. It's a back door out of the cage" Castiel says

"What was it?" Sam asks

"Heaven and hell colliding" I speak the words

Sam and Dean look at me confused. Castiel speaks up "it meant if an angel and a demon ever had a child the seal would be broken.."

"But we're not Angels or demons" Dean turns his gaze to me

"No, but you had angel and demon in you.. I guess that's all it really needed" I shrug my shoulders as Castiel explained this.

"And you're sure he's out? How?" Dean asks. Me and Castiel look at each other and don't say anything. Dean must've sensed something and stands up. He passes Paul over to Sam and his voice rises "how?!"

I take a step back before telling him "he was here, in Paul's room"

"What?! When?!" His eyes are burning with rage

"A few days ago" I say feeling 2 feet tall. I knew this would happen. His jaw is tight as he clenches his teeth together "we were going to tell you but knew you would come back right away" I try to say more but he interrupts me

"Damn right I would've came back! What the fuck was he doing here?!" He yells

"We think he knows he's the anti-Christ" Castiel speaks up "that's how I figured it out.."

"The friggen devil, who took my brother to hell, is back! And now he wants my son?!" His voice getting louder with each syllable he breaths

"We don't know that he wants him" I say to Dean

"Oh right, he was just stopping in to say thanks to a baby!" Dean begins to storm out of the room

"Where are you going?" I go after him. I grab his arm but he flings his hand back around to get me off of him. The back of his hand finds my face and I fall to the ground, landing on my ass. I squirm up and grab my pained face.

He turns to me on the ground "I can't be around you right now" and turns back to leave.

I stay on the ground, holding my cheek in awe of what just happened. Sam walks over and helps me up. He hands Paul back to me.

"He'll come around. It's a lot to handle. He didn't mean what just happened either" he defends his brother

"I know" I say back to him, still angry at the older Winchester for hitting me, unintentionally or not.

"I'll go talk to him" Sam nods to me leaving the room after his brother.

Castiel walks over "are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I rub my cheek, the warm sensation slowly fading.


	63. Chapter 63: Lucifer's Game

I'm sitting in our bedroom when Dean walks in late in the evening. He ignores me and brushes his teeth at the sink. I stare at him waiting for an apology. When he's done, he lays down in the bed and turns away from me.

"You're really going to ignore me" I spit out

"Yup" he mumbles into the pillow

"You're a real piece of work Dean Winchester! I understand you're upset and angry that I didn't tell you, but you could at least apologize for hitting me!" I stand up while giving my speech and storm out of the room.

I make it into the hallway before I hear his voice yelling back at me "you know I didn't mean to touch you!"

I swivel back around and he's standing at the door way staring at me. I storm back towards him "yea, but you did!" I get in his face.

He stares at me before his hand finds my neck and pulls me close to him. Our lips finding each other's and forcefully kissing. His tongue pushing open my mouth, his other hand wrapping around my lower back. He lifts me up into the air and I wrap my legs around him. He walks back into the room and falls onto the bed. I tear at his shirt, desperate to feel his skin on top of me. He pulls off his pants and I wiggle out of my underwear. He quickly puts on protection and thrusts inside forcefully. I moan in pain and pleasure. It's still 2 weeks before the doctor recommended we can have sex again but I don't care. I arch my back as he works his body over me. My hands find his back and I scratch down when I orgasm. Dean's accomplished smirk is on his face for making me finish first. I flip over and go on top of him. If he thinks he's going to get the best of me, he has another thing coming. I know what he likes and will make him happy. I sit up and move the way he likes. His eyes glaze over and he digs his fingers into my thighs. His panting picks up as he finishes and now I'm the one smirking.

I roll over, now laying next to him. He turns his head to look at me. He rubs his hand on my cheek he hit "I'm sorry about that" his fingers rest.

I lean my head into his hand "I know" I smile back softly. "and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.. We had good reason" I start to explain but he sighs and I stop talking.

He moves his hand and sits up against the wall "I know your reason, I get it.. I would've rushed back here without a second thought." He says "I'm still not happy, but I get it"

"So angry sex anytime we get mad each other and everything will be okay?" I smirk towards him

"I'm good with that" he smiles back. I get up to use the bathroom and wince in some pain pulling my shorts on "oh shit. I forgot, are you okay?" Dean leans up

"I'm fine" I tell him turning back to look at him over my shoulder "except let's not fight again for another 2 weeks and actually wait."

"Are you sure you're okay?" He pushes again

"Yea" I wave him off getting off the bed. "I'm fine" I put my hand out "Can you go check on Paul?" I ask. We put him in the bassinet in his room and plan on buying a new crib soon.

"Sure" he says and I leave the room. I barely make it into the bathroom when I hear Dean call out "SAM!" I know that scream "HAYDEN" he calls to me desperately next.

I get there first and stop in my tracks behind Dean when I see it. Lucifer standing in the room, holding Paul.

"What's wro..." Sam stops in his tracks behind me. We all stand there, frozen like statues as he holds our baby close to his chest.

Castiel walks slowly past us into the room "put him down Lucifer" he says with trying authority.

"Hello brother, you don't look very well. What's wrong?" Lucifer looks up to Castiel.

"Put him down" is all Castiel replies

"Did the scribe of God get to you? Are you the reason they all fell?" His hosts eyes stare at Castiel.

"You know Metatron?" Castiel tilts his head

"Of course. He should be the one locked away in a cage, not me. I would never intentionally banish the Angels from heaven. I only want what's best for us." Lucifer explains

"Cas" I squeal out noticing Paul moving in his arms, scared he will wake.

"Give me the baby Lucifer" Castiel reaches his arms out

Lucifer stretches his arms out slowly but then stops "give me Metatron" he smirks back

"What?" Dean says out loud

The Devils eyes turn to us "I want the one responsible for my brothers and sisters fall. He needs to pay for the pain he has caused"

"Fine." Castiel says turning back

"Cas, no" I say stepping in front of Dean. "He knows where your grace is. We need to get it back or you'll die"

"No Hayden, we need Paul here with you and Dean." He looks to me with his clear crystal blue eyes

"But you'll die" I whisper out.

"I'm okay with that" he smirks to me and his eyes work past me to Dean "I'd do anything for Paul" he tells us, but more importantly his friend, Dean. Dean walks past me and gives Castiel a quick hug. "Let's go get him" Castiel says when he pulls away. The 3 of them leave the room and it's just Paul, Lucifer and myself. My stomach turns in knots as he holds my baby, it turns violently ill thinking that Castiel will die once they hand over Metatron.

"Take me" I say to Lucifer.

"Why would I do that?" He asks with a side ways glance

"They will give you Metatron, let them find Castiel's grace first! He is your family, you don't want him to die! Take me as leverage!"

"Interesting. If I wanted leverage, I could just take your son here." He gestures with his eyes down to my baby.

"Dean and I will stop at nothing to get our son back.. He would be more determined to get to you then finding the grace. You'll get a hold of Metatron faster if you have me." I explain. He ponders this for a minute before looking back to me "please" I plead. He may be a devil, but he once was an angel.

"This could be interesting. Let's go" he smiles turning back to put Paul down into the crib. I scribble a quick not on a piece of paper whiled his back is turned.

"D,

I made a deal. Not just for Castiel, for all of us. We need him. Find the grace then turn Metatron over.

Please, find his grace before coming for me!

I love you.

H"

I put the pen on the table and turn around "okay. I'm ready." He walks over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

When I blink, we are suddenly in a dark, damp, unfamiliar forest. "Where are we?" I ask

"Somewhere safe" he smiles wickedly.

"And where would somewhere safe be?" I ask back

"The portal to purgatory" he finally looks to me

I gasp in fear "why?" I tremble out

"Not right now, but for assurance. If your dearest Dean try's anything, I'll send you there.." He shrugs with the same evil smile.

"He won't" I assure him, trying to assure myself as well.

"If I know the Winchesters, and I say I do.. They'll stop at nothing to get one of their own" he speaks to me

"Things change" I say back

"Why?" He laughs back "because you have a child now? The Winchesters don't do things by the book when one of their own is at risk, you'll see"

"No. They will find Castiels grace and they will trade me for Metatron. You'll see" I stand my ground.

He shakes his head at me "Poor little girl, dreaming of the perfect ending.. There is no such thing" I ignore his comment and push my self against a tree, looking away from him. "You know" he says walking towards me, wet leaves crunching under his feet "you could be happy. I can erase all these memories, you can start a new life."

"Why would I want that?!" I spit out whipping my head to stare at him

"Because you can have a better life, one without monsters, sadness, worry, and sorrow" the fallen angel touches a piece of my hair.

I flick his hand away quickly "that's not how I feel!"

"Of course it isn't, my apologies" he smirks taking a step back.

I sigh out. Unfortunately, he's kind of right. I adore Paul and Dean. I love them with every ounce of body and soul inside of me, but this isn't the life I want for us. I'm okay with Dean hunting, I could've left a long time ago if that was the problem. I'm just tired of the in depth horror our lives are becoming. Between the darkness inside Dean, the mark of Cain on my son, our family dying, it's not a life I want my son to have. When Dean is gone, half of my heart is with him, and I'm scared for the day he doesn't return alive again, or doesn't return at all. The wind brushes past me and brings me back to reality. I shiver as it hits my bare arms. My eyes flutter to Lucifer who is walking away from me. "Where are you going?" I call after him

He turns his head "a storm is coming, unless you want to be caught in it."

I look up at the sky and the setting sun is casting dark blue and purple hues over the incoming ominous clouds. I don't want to follow the devil, but I don't want to get caught in the storm. I walk forward, following him from a distance.

After walking for about 20 minutes, in what felt like a circle to me we come to a cabin. It's made of real wood from the forest and there's smoke emitting from the chimney.

"is someone there?" I look to him wearily

"Your in the woods with the devil and you're worried about who I have inside" he emphasizes the word I when he says it.

He stares at me and I don't respond, knowing that he's right. We walk inside and I stop in shock. There, chained to the wall in the corner by the fire place is Crowley.

"Crowley" I look to Lucifer

"The former king of hell. Demon" he spits out the term

"Hayden, what a pleasure" Crowley half smiles seeing me, his typical clean cut, fitted suit covered with soot and dirt.

With a snap of his fingers I suddenly have a chain on my leg attached the other wall. "What's this for?" I ask moving the chain letting it clink against the floor "I came here willingly, I'm not going to leave"

"You've been with the Winchesters. Forgive me for not trusting you" he turns from me and leaves the cabin.

I sigh out heavily and fall to the ground against the wall "what a guy" Crowley says sarcastically

"Iike you're any better! You kidnapped me when I was in labor!" I yell at him letting the memory fill me with anger.

"You weren't chained, besides, I knew Dean would make the trade. You weren't in any danger" he defends himself

"Oh, alright. That makes everything better!" I roll me eyes.

"No can we please figure out a way to get out of here" Crowley stands

I look up to him "I'm not trying to get out" I tell him

He looks at me confused "what? You just want to be the Devils pet?"

"I'm not his pet, he's going to trade me for Metatron when the time comes" I explain for no reason in particular

Crowley laughs a deep laugh "right!" He keeps laughing. I stare at him intently until he realizes I'm not joking "that's not how he works" he looks at me "he'll get what he wants and then kill you"

"No. It was a deal" I say back

"And you trust the bloody devil to keep a deal? You're senile!" His accent thick with disgust

"Whatever" I return to him, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

We stay in company of one another in silence until Lucifer returns sometime later.

"Are these chains still necessary now that your back?" I ask him after a few minutes.

He looks to me and snaps his fingers, letting the chains fall free "hey, I've been chained for a week!" Crowley cries out. Lucifer throws his hand up and Crowley is pushed back into the wall.

"Disgusting rotten thing" Lucifer mumbles

"Why are you even keeping him alive?" I ask. Crowley's eyes wide with betrayal

"I need the first blade.. And he's going to give it to me" he explains "when the time is right"

"When is that?" I ask walking over to the table

"When I have Metatron"

"He's going to use their blood, mix it with your sons to open heaven up for all angels! Including himself!" Crowley spits out quickly

Lucifer turns his head around quickly to the demon and he now has a muzzle like contraption covering his head. "What?" I ask the man husking the corn

"Yes, I will open the heavens again. I will return home and finish what I started millennial ago."

"My son?" I ask

"He's the only living being with the mark of Cain now. It must be him" he turns to me with a smile

"No! You wanted Metatron! That's it!" I tremble

"Oh, don't worry. I've already gotten the blood from him" he puts the corn down and pulls a vile out of his pocket. I stare at it speechless, unsure of what any of it means. After another moment I decide not to lunge at the powerful being. Instead I slowly walk to the table and take a seat.

"Keeping him here won't get you the first blade" I explain

"Silly girl" Lucifer smiles "you're thinking too much. Don't worry about my plans, just worry about your self"

"What do you mean?" I ask unsure if he's threatening me or not. He doesn't respond, instead he continues to clear off the table and cook something.

A while later there is one meal on the table. Corn with potatoes and a salad. Lucifer walks over to where I'm standing by the window "are you going to eat?" He asks

"Oh what?" I ask startled by his close presence. I look to the table "uhm. I'm not really hungry." I say passing on the meal.

"Eat" he says sternly. I nod my head and walk over to the chair. I sit down, place the napkin on my lap and slowly bite into the corn. "I'm being a gracious host, you should be thankful" he spits out annoyed

"I am" I try to assure him taking another small bite

"Don't patronize me!" He yells loudly. A light breaking over head and glass falls onto the plate. I shield my head as it trickles down.

He leaves the cabin in a huff without chaining me. I brush myself off and quickly move my way to Crowley. I pull at the contraption on his head "you trying to get us killed?" He finally speaks

"Shut up. I'm trying to get you out!" I move to the chains.

"Why would you do that?" He asks staring at me

"Anything to slow him down!" I say. The chain needs a key. I move to the kitchen and go through the few draws. Nothing but utensils and old scrap papers.

"Try the bedroom!" Crowley hisses in a thick Scottish accent. I move over to the room and the keys are sitting on the night table. I run over, grab them, and hurry back to Crowley's side. I use the key and he forces his leg out of the cuff when it opens. He moves to the back door of the cabin and turns to me "you coming?" He gestures outwardly

"No. I can't go, he'll go after my son" I explain to him

"Nonsense! He'll kill you after releasing me" Crowley impatiently stands

"No. He can't. He needs Metatron and Dean would kill him if he kills me" I say

"Your funeral" he turns around and opens the door

"Crowley, wait!" I shout out to him. He turns and looks to me

"That favor Dean owes you, it's paid!" I stare the demon in the eye. He nods his head and disappears once he steps foot out of the cabin.

I put the key back where I found it after locking the chain back up. I move to the kitchen table and take a deep breath, I bang my head against the corner of it, feeling blood start to trickle down my cheeks. I sway as I stand up and try to balance using the table. I put too much weight on it and it falls to ground and I fall with it. My hand gets cut on a piece of glass and I crawl away from the rubble.

I don't know how long I'm laying there before the door to the cabin opens. "Where is he?" Lucifer calls to me in a deep tone walking through the room close to me

"I.. I don't know!" I lie

"Where. Is. He!" His voice louder and his eyes fire!

I crawl back to the wall in fear, or what I hope looks like fear "someone came, I was knocked out!" I lie more. "I don't know what happened"

"Liar!" He yells raising his hand. I'm off the ground and against the wall, my lungs being crushed without air. "I'm not going to ask again" he warns me

"I told you the truth" I squeak out slowly. He tightens his fist and the air is completely non existent now "you can't. You'll never get Metatron!" I quickly get out with air I have left.

I drop to the ground and gasp. The air hitting my lungs like a train running wild. I'm still gasping when a pair of feet are at my side, my eyes drift upwards and Lucifer bends down "I know you had something to do with this!" And his foot connects with my face.


	64. Chapter 64: The Devil's Trials

"Let's go!" Lucifer kicks at my feet. I stand up slowly and wait for the chains to disappear. They do shortly after and I sluggishly follow the man. It's been 3 days since I got Crowley out. I've been beaten and chained since then. The devil who was trying to be kind disappeared when Crowley did. The devil Dean once described to me is the man I am now following. I follow him for a mile before I fall to my knees of exhaustion for the first time. "Get up" lucifer demands of me.

"Sorry" I mumble out getting back on my feet. 30 minutes later and I fall again. He sighs heavily and I crawl forward to try and get up. I manage to before he says a nothing and continue to follow.

We stop after another 2 miles and I fall against a tree.

"Where are you, you son of a bitch!" I hear Dean yelling into the dark night.

I perk up, if he's here then they must've found Castiel's grace. He's okay. I stand up, using the tree as support. "Dean" I choke out in a whisper when 4 silhouettes begin to appear, I recognize Dean's instantly.

"Lucifer!" Sam calls out as well. They see us and their pace quickens.

"Castiel. I'm glad you got your grace back" lucifer smugly states to his brother.

"What happened to her! What did you do?" Dean lunges forward towards me but I'm trapped then in a cage.

"Metatron" lucifer states in a monotone voice.

"Let her out first" Dean grunts

"What? You don't trust me?" Lucifer grins

"Let's just be done with this" Sam speaks again on edge

"You don't want to do this! I can help you guys, with Paul!" Metatron pleads with the brothers.

Dean takes a step towards lucifer and pushes Metatron forward with an angel blade to his back. When Dean is just a few steps away from him he stops "let her go" he grinds through his teeth. Lucifer waves his hand and the cage around me is gone.

I walk forward and as soon as I pass lucifer Dean pushes Metatron forward into the dirt. I collapse into his arms and he holds me tightly "it's okay" he rubs my back

"Dean" is the only thing I can say. I look over my shoulder and see lucifer staring at me with a smile on his face. I turn my cheek back into deans chest.

"Don't come near my son again!" Dean threatens

"I have everything I need from him" he walks closer to Metatron, putting a foot on his neck "now I need something for you. Stand" he demands to the scribe who pout-fully obliges.

"You'll regret this!" We hear Metatron yell to us as they disappear into the fog.

"Hayden, what did he do to you?" Dean caresses my face.

"Nothing." Cough "I'm fine" I lie to him.

"You're not fine" he says feeling around me "your ribs are broken. Cas, can you?" He looks to the Angel behind him

"Of course" he steps forward. He gets closer to me and his hand lifts near my head. I flinch away, lucifers hand flashes in front of me.

"Stop. I didn't do anything." I cower away

"Hayden. It's okay. You're safe now" Dean steps closer to me, his face close to mine.

"I'm sorry, his hand was close to my face. I saw Lucifer.." I look to Castiel "sorry"

"It's alright. It won't hurt" Castiel says to me.

"We can fix her when she's sleeping. Let's just get out of here" Sam speaks up

Dean helps me as we begin to walk out of the forest. Things stay foggy even as the sun rises. We finally find our way out and get into the car. Dean tells Sam to drive so he can sit in the back with me. I let my head fall into his lap as the car begins to speed on the road. He holds my hand and I listen to them talking as they think I'm asleep.

"Do you think she knows?" Sam says first

"I don't know, she left with him right after it happened. I don't know if she could've found out" Dean says in a hushed tone.

"We should tell her" Castiel adds

"And we will, when she's better." Dean assures him They become silent and nothing but rubber burning on the ground is heard.

When I wake up I feel like nothing has happened, if it wasn't for my memories I might have not believe it. I sit up and Dean follows my movement "you okay?" He smiles softly. I nod my head. "We'll be back home soon" he says.

I forgot how fast they drive "where's Castiel?" I ask them looking at the empty front seat.

"He went back to the bunker to be with Paul. We left him with Jody but after he healed you we wanted him to have more protection, just in case with lucifer and everything" Dean explains.

"Ok" I nod my head not needing to say anything more. "Where did you find Castiels grace?" I ask next

"The first place he touched down on earth to show himself to me" Dean explains. I nod my head to him to let him know I heard him

"Metatron had a real thing for poetics" Sam chuckles out

I say no more as we continue our drive. Dean is holding my hand, gripping it tightly. I look at him and his eyes are eager to talk. I know he's mad about what I did but it was with good reason. Hours pass before we reach the bunker. I get out of the car, sluggish from sitting for so long. Dean and I walk hand in hand inside. Castiel is standing by the door, with Paul, waiting for our arrival

"Here's mommy" he smiles passing him to me

"Hey munchkin!" I kiss him on the forehead and hold him close. I'm too tired to cry and relief rushes me as he snuggles under my chin. "Let's go" I whisper to Dean. We go into our room and I sit on the bed. I look at Dean who takes something out of his jean pockets.

He pulls out the note I left "why would you do that?" He asks sadly

"I couldn't let Castiel die! We were so close!" I tell him what I was thinking

"Things could've been worse for you with him!" He goes on "I can't believe you put yourself in that position Hayden"

"He was surprisingly not that bad" I say, Dean raises his eyebrows and gives me a sideways glance "at first!" I add on

"What happened?" He asks me

I look to him and sigh softly, my breath brushing the little hairs from Paul's head in a wave "I let Crowley go"

"You what?" He asks

I recount what happens "He has a plan to open heaven again, so he can return and finish what he started. He needed Crowley's blood and when lucifer left I got the key and let him go"

"you got the key? That easy?" Dean asks

I shrug not thinking about it that way "I guess"

"That's not good, he wouldn't just leave the key laying around, no one would!" Dean starts to speak faster "you said he wasn't that bad? Shit, he was playing you! He wanted Crowley released! It's part of the plan!"

"Dean, stop. Slow down, I know his plan" I interject

"You do?" His eyes wide

"Ya, he needs Metatron's, and Paul's blood to open heaven again for himself and had Crowley because he needed the first blade" I explain

Dean looks at me confused "no. That's not it Hayden" he says flatly

"He told me himself" I pout

"He lied. You also said he was not that bad at first, and he left the key to let Crowley go in plain site" Dean adds on.

"He played me" I sigh out finally realizing it. Dean nods slowly and puts his hand over mine "then what is he planning?" I look into his soulful green eyes, waiting for his response. Only he doesn't respond and shrugs, but I know he's hiding something because they talked about it in the car "Dean, I heard you in the car ride, you know something" I push

He says "Castiel can explain it better."

I nod my head and we walk back out into the main room again. Sam is on his laptop, and Castiel is pacing in a small area. They look up when they hear us coming.

"Dean says you can explain what lucifers plan is"

I say to the Angel.

"Yes. He needs to open heaven through a back door like he escaped from for him to reenter heaven." He starts

"And he needs Paul's blood for that?" I ask

"What? No" Castiel looks confused but continues to speak "do you remember Dean telling you about the trials to close hells gate forever?" I nod my head up and down "well he has his own trials to complete, basically the same ones just reversed."

"What where all the trials again?" I ask only remembering the final one, curing a demon.

"Bathing in a hell hounds blood. Save an innocent soul from hell. Cure a demon" Sam spatters out the list memorized

"Why would he have his own?" I ask confused

"Lucifer was a powerful angel before he was cast into hell. Our father did not want to see it for a long time, and he did a lot of things just in case" Castiel explains. "Things deemed impossible. Like the seal that broke him free again. These trials for him will open a back door only he knows about, one he made"

"So how is it reversed for him? What does that mean?" I ask.

"We can only speculate." Castiel answers

"We were hoping you knew something" Sam adds

I shake my head "no, nothing. I mean, I thought he told me what he was planning but it was a lie then" I shake my head.

"He told her and Crowley he was opening heaven again for all the Angels including himself, by mixing the blood of Metatron, and Paul and that he needed the first blade." Dean catches them up on what he knows. "But he didn't really need Crowley's because he trapped him and let her think she freed him"

"Why would he do that?" Sam asks

"that's what we need to find out" Dean agrees

"And he has Paul's blood. we need to figure out why he has that" I add

"Research it is" Sam walks to his laptop and opens it.

"I'll go find the Angels and talk to them, see what they may know" Castiel nods his head at us before disappearing.

I turn towards Dean and open my eyes wide "when will this end?"

"What do you mean?" He asks

"Well.." I start to speak "we still need to figure out the way to remove the mark from Paul using you and now we are also working on figuring out what Lucifer is planning.. When will these impossible tasks end so we can raise our son?" I finish with the question

"They aren't impossible, we got Castiel's grace back. And we will find a way to remove the mark from Paul, these are just things we need to do Hayden" he responds "it will all be over when we take care of this" he puts his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly

"Right" I sigh out, thinking back to what Lucifer said in the woods. "You're right" I shrug my doubt off; trying to keep my mind at the tasks at hand.


	65. Chapter 65: Unlikely Allies

Dean and I cuddle in bed one night when Castiel appears at the food of our bed.

"I have news" he says lowly in a gruff voice

"Dam it, Cas!" Dean yells out as I quickly pull the blanket over myself, covering my naked body.

I chuckle embarrassed "it's okay" I try to make it less awkward.

"The Angels knew what Lucifers 3 trials are" he blinks mechanically

"Great. Why don't you wake up Sam and we'll discuss it in the library" Dean suggest getting out of the bed pulling a pair of pants over his boxer briefs

"Sure" Castiel nods then disspears without using the door

"Better be quick" Dean looks back to me smirking "he might come back, he's not good with boundaries."

"Right" I smile throwing a robe over myself. Tying it tightly in a knot.

We meet the 2 of them in the library after we checked on Paul. His room is now warded against Angels. Castiel understands it's too keep lucifer out. I yawn as I sit down next to Sam. Dean remains standing behind me, with his hand on my shoulder. "What do they know?" Dean asks seriously.

"It's been hear say for millennia that Lucifer had a way back into heaven after our Father banished him. No one ever knew if it was true or not. Lucifer was around when God made those trials to close hell, so he knew what he had to do and how to do it." Castiel explains. The 3 of us stay still and listen, our breath in harmony as he pauses for effect. "The first trial is drinking the blood of an innocent" Castiels eyes soften looking at me

"That's why he took Paul's blood, because he's an innocent" I look down.

Castiel nods and Dean squeezes my shoulder "the second trial is stealing a spirit and condemning it to hell" he says

"That's what Crowley was for" Sam speaks up "crossroad deals" he adds

Castiel nods again as Dean squeezes my shoulder even tighter. "And the third trial is turning an angel into a demon"

"Metatron" Dean finally speaks. Castiel's final nod is a heavy one that his eyes don't lift from. "He's going to turn him into a demon" deans hand is squeezing me too tightly now.

"Ow" I wriggle it out of his grip, lightly rubbing it

"Sorry" he looks down to me.

I look to him "it's alright."

"Now that he has Paul's blood and Metatron, crowley is our only hope. We have to tell him his plan!" Sam speaks up

"Help crowley?" Dean spits out looking down at me rubbing my back.

"It's not just for him, it's for everyone" I look up to him. His cheek twitches just a little and I speak up again "we can't let him back into heaven, who knows what he will do"

"Your right. I know you're all right" he looks up to Sam and Castiel "let's do this" he walks towards another room in the bunker.

I grab the baby monitor that's on the table and follow last behind Sam. Dean is forming a circle on the floor with chalk while Sam puts together a bowl of ingredients. A bit of time passes before they are ready to summon crowley.

Dean slashes his hand, letting the blood trip into the bowl. He wraps it with a handkerchief and sets the bowl on fire with a matchstick. He recites the incantation "...Et ad congregandum...eos coram me."

A few moments pass before the familiar foreigner appears within the circle "why do I even carry one of these?" He asks holding up a cell phone

"We have news" Dean steps closer to the demon "lucifer needs you to complete his trials"

"Ahh, so you know his actual plan" Crowley smirks towards me

I step up behind Dean "you knew this whole time?" My eyes smolder with anger

"Of course" he beams proudly with smugness

I snarl and take a step back. "How long have you known?" Castiel asks

"Generations. You don't become the king of hell without knowing everything about lucifer." He explains

"Why did you lie to me?" I ask him angrily with distain

"I'd have to tell you the other trials and you'd go nuts about the blood and I just needed to get out" he waves his hand like its as simple as that. I roll my eyes at his response and mutter under my breath

"What are you doing about it?" Dean asks in a low voice

Crowley's eyes avert to the older brother "all contracts involving souls have been put on hold. Your dear Luci needs the king to do the bitting and I do not intend to lose my thrown."

"Lose your thrown?" Sam repeats the words

"If lucifer succeeds, he will have control of heaven and hell. Even my charm would be rendered useless to his power" Crowley tries to make light of the situation

"Shit" I mumble under my breath. Every one in the room looks in my direction after the cuss left my mouth. I shrug openly "you know you were all thinking it"

Sam and Dean smirk back and nod, Castiel just stares and crowley rolls his eyes "is there anything else or can I be going?" Crowley mutters

"You can't just be lurking around Crowley, he'll find you" Dean looks at the king of hell seriously, his green eyes intent to get the message across

Crowley snarls "and I'm suppose to stay here? The very place lucifer penetrated to get the blood of the young? It's the first place he'll look"

"It's warded now. He can't come near this place" Sam explains.

Crowley raises his eyes brows towards Castiel "and this winged rat?"

"Lucifers spell is more complicated then the typical angel warding" Castiel explains flatly

"Right" Crowley drags out the word. He turns his attention back to the brothers "my kingdom is safe, he will not find me"

"Kingdom?" I ask eyes squinted

"You 4 have yet to find it" he bounces back proudly.

"Fine. But when we call, you answer" Dean demands

"Let's actually use the phones this time" Crowley smirks before disappearing into the dark.

We stand there silently after he left, the smell of sulfur lingering in the air "we just let him go?" I ask

"He has a point" Sam speaks up "and since none of us know where Crowley is, lucifer can't get it out of us with torture or anything" he explains. Dean looks at his brother his eyes wide and I see him direct them towards me. Sam shrugs unapologetically

"It's fine Dean. So what now?" I look between the three males.

Castiel takes a step closer to Dean and I "now we work on removing the mark from Paul"

Deans eyes meet mine with the same urging look. We know he's right, we have to remove the mark before he gets too old to not be considered innocent anymore. He reaches his hand out and I lift mine to meet it. We walk back to our room hand in hand and crawl back into bed. I lay there motionless, pretending to sleep. I don't know what Dean will have to do but I know he will do it, he will do anything for Paul. I lay impatiently still waiting for the sunrise.


	66. Chapter 66: Doubt

Dean rolls out of bed and my eyes peak open to the distant red light of the clock. 4:38. He grunts lowly while he stretches and leaves the room with a yawn. I sit up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. I let them adjust to the dim room. I swing my legs over the bed and find my robe. I swing it around both arms and stand up slowly. I leave the room and go check on Paul. Dean is there, feeding him a bottle, sitting in the rocking chair.

"Sorry if I woke you" he says when I enter the room without looking up.

"You didn't, I've been awake a while," I tell him in return. He nods his head while looking at our son. "How am I going to do this?" He asks in a low tone.

"Do what?" I ask unsure of what he means

"Be innocent. Become uncorrupted." His green eyes search Paul's matching ones for some kind of answer.

I walk over to him and kneel in front of them both. I put one hand against Paul's head and the other rests on Dean's knee. He looks to me for answers I don't have. "We will do this together" I give his knee a squeeze to try and help encourage him. He smiles back at me but I know it's forced. I leave the two of them be and head into the main room. Sam and Castiel are both sitting at the table. The younger Winchester eyes wide reading a computer screen, and the angel pouring over a book "does anyone ever get any sleep around here?" I joke walking up the few steps.

"Angels don't sleep" Castiel responds instantly without looking up.

"Yah" I roll my eyes with a smile "I know, I was just.. Never mind. What are you guys looking for?" I change the subject, knowing Castiel will no longer understand humor like before.

Sam looks up from his screen briefly to answer, "What the book meant by Dean having to become innocent to rid the mark off Paul" his eyes flutter back to the screen when he finishes talking. I walk behind him and look over his shoulder. I don't really understand what he is looking at and take a step back.

"So, did you find anything?" I finally ask after waiting a few more minutes.

Sam kinks his neck to the side to crack it "we think so, but we just want to be sure it's what we are looking for" he doesn't look up from the screen.

"That's great!" I shout happily

"It's not going to be easy Hayden" Castiel speaks "Dean is going to have to work really hard at this."

I nod my head quickly; I know he will do whatever he has to do "what is it?" I ask

"Let's get a few more resources first before we jump into anything, alright?" Sam asks looking over his shoulder at me

I puff out and nod. I know he's right, we should know for sure what Dean does, will work, but I'm ready to be finished with it. I leave the room and wander aimlessly around. I end up in the vast kitchen. Remains of sandwiches lay on dirty plates piled in the sink. I decide to make breakfast for everyone since we're all up anyway. I pull out some eggs and bacon and turn the stove on. I keep myself busy cooking enough food for 3 mornings. 45 minutes go by before I head back into the room with a big bowl of eggs in one hand and a giant plate of bacon in another.

I place the food down in front of Sam who looks up with a smirk "thanks Hayden" he grabs a piece of bacon, rips into it, and types at the keys some more.

A few minutes pass before Dean comes into the room. By that time, Sam and I already have a plate of eggs in front of us. "I knew I smelled bacon!" He smiles coming over to the food. He grabs three pieces of bacon and shoves it into his mouth while holding Paul in his other hand.

"Here, I'll hold him" I say to Dean reaching my arms out.

He shakes his head "no, you're eating, I got him" he insists

"Really Dean," I push "I've had enough, I know you're ready to dig in" I stand

He continues to smile as he passes our son to me. He takes my seat at the table and starts to pile more eggs and bacon onto it, eating at the same time.

Sam and I look at each other and shake our heads "some things never change" Sam chuckles.

"What?" Dean asks with his mouth full.

No one answers and the room stays silent except for the sound of chewing.

That afternoon, when Sam said he still isn't comfortable sharing what he knows yet, I decided to take Paul for a walk. Dean refuses to let us go alone, with Lucifer being out of the cage and insists Castiel comes along with us. I try to protest, claiming he is of better use researching with Sam, but Dean wouldn't have it.

We walk quietly through a park. The brisk fall wind brushing against our faces, causing them to glow pink. The leaves crunch beneath our feet. "I love the fall!" I exclaim kicking a patch of leaves off my vans. Castiel doesn't say anything in return and the walk remains silent. The wind picks up and our pace quickens. We start to head back to the bunker before the encroaching storm arrives.

We get to the foot of the driveway and Castiel stops in his tracks. I swivel my head quickly in fear "What?" I ask in a hushed tone, afraid for my son.

"I have to tell you something Hayden" His voice lower than usual.

"What is it?" I ask unsure of what it could be

"I don't think Dean will be able to do this," he says simply

My eyes widen with shock "What?" is all I can say

"Although the task to have an innocent mind again is attainable, I believe Dean has seen and done too many dark things to come back from" He explains further to me his doubt.

I put my finger in his face and keep my voice low "don't you dare cast doubt now. Dean came back from being a demon and from hell, he killed Abaddon, he saved me, and he's the one who fought to get your grace back!" I push my finger into the trench coat he wears. "He will do this" I grit through clenched teeth.

Castiel just looks at me "you're right. He has overcome many tasks before"

He walks onto the driveway and puts a few feet between Paul and I. I follow him silently, angry that he casted doubt, but more angry that part of me listened.


	67. Chapter 67: Travel

After Dean puts Paul to bed we come together in the main room where Sam will tell us what they figured out. Dean sits next to me; hand on my knee as we wait for him to speak.

"Okay, so Dean needs to obtain an innocent mind, we learned that from the book" he starts off and Dean quickly interrupts.

"Yea, how the hell am I suppose to get my brain as innocent as a baby?"

"That's the thing!" Sam chirps in with a smile on his face "it doesn't need to be as innocent as a babies, it needs to be innocent for a man!"

"Huh?" I shrug at the good news "what does that even mean?" I follow with the question Dean and I are both thinking.

"I made a few phone calls and had Charlie do some digging, there's this retired pastor in Idaho that went underground after Lucifer rose the first time. He's been studying different heavenly works since then, including the Mark of Cain!" Sam explains, our eyes wide with wonder as he speaks "a man can complete the task of innocence by following the commandments outlined through out the bible." He finishes explaining with the same smile he started it with.

"Love thy neighbor bullshit commandments?" Dean speaks out

"It is not bullshit, Dean," Castiel finally adds to the conversation.

"Sorry" he says to the angel with no real meaning behind it "so if I follow through with these commandments, we can mix our blood and the mark will be gone?"

"So it seems" Sam nods to his brother and Dean quickly stands up and embraces his brother in a tight hug.

"It's not as simple as you may think, Dean." Castiel utters when the brothers loosen their embrace. "The commandments were laws that our Father made to teach and lead mankind to Him. When one looks at the commandments, it's suppose to be a reminder that you have broken them and will always fall short of His glory. Although you don't deserve it, you have His undying love and forgiveness. "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered."" He finishes quoting scripture.

"So God made up these rules, that are impossible to follow just so He can be the one to forgive us?" Dean asks in return in an annoyed tone.

Castiel shakes his head "they are not impossible, they are just impossible to maintain. Man will always sin; God will always forgive. The hard part will be following all 10 of these commandments at once, honoring each one until we can get your blood."

"I'll make it happen" Dean responds with determination. He turns to me and repeats, "I'll make it happen." I nod my head at him and smirk because I know he will give everything he has to do so.

He leaves the room and the 3 of us stay behind. "Where do we even begin?" I ask them when he's long gone.

"Well, I think you two should go meet with this pastor. He has a lot of incite on how to follow the commandments. Then whenever Dean is ready, he just has to try and follow them" Sam puts plainly

"Can't Cas do it" I ask not wanting to leave the bunker

Castiel's mouth forms into a hard line of disagreement before he speaks "I'm an angel, the commandments don't apply to me and I would not know where to have Dean start. Sam has the right idea, talking with the pastor would be the best way to go"

"Alright. I guess we're going to Idaho." I shrug my shoulders as I wipe my sweaty palms across my pants. I go to find Dean, taking comfort in the dim lit halls. I know this isn't going to be easy for him, and he is going to need everyone's support to achieve success.

Our bedroom door is cracked open, before I go to open it, I hear Dean speaking lowly. I put my ear closer to the opening and listen "Are these the type of games you play? Making humans jump through hoops to get your forgiveness, that's some righteous work." My head rests against the wall as I wait for more "Sam and I have given so much, and you still won't help. How am I supposed to do this when you're not even listening? Who am I kidding, you're not even there." I hear his feet scrape against the floor as he stands, the bed creaking under his weight.

I take this as my sign to enter, as if I heard nothing "so, Sam thinks we should go talk to that pastor in Idaho"

"Guess so, we can leave in the morning, take a little less then a day to get there" Dean responds not looking towards me.

"Sam's already booking us a flight" I step closer closing the space between us physically.

He looks up at this, tension fills his green eyes "I don't think we should take Paul on a plane"

"He's going to stay here with Sam" I tell him, his eyes squint and I add "it's not safe for him to go anywhere really."

"We should just drive" his right shoulder shrugs

"Dean," I take a seat next to him, crossing one leg underneath me "We need to get going on this, and fast. Who knows how long this will take you" I reach my hand to his but he pulls it away. My hand lay flat on the bed, the warmth where his hand was fading quickly. "What's wrong?"

"I just hate flying" he says nonchalantly

"Really?" I smirk unaware of this fear "you've been to hell, yet you're afraid of flying?" A chuckle escapes my lips and his head cocks annoyed towards me. I slip my hand over my mouth to cover up "sorry" I mumble out loud enough so he can hear me.

"Whatever, let's pack" he leans down pulling his duffle out from under the bed. I follow his lead and go to the other side of the bed to pull mine out. We pack silently, and I steal glances at the man I love, noticing how dark the circles under his eyes are. The way he throws things into his torn brown leather bag mechanically, not phased by what's to come.

It takes me more time to pack then him and he leaves to find Sam. I walk to the door and turn to look at our room before I leave. There's nothing in it to distinguish it's ours. Dean has a gun hanging on the wall and a pair of drum sticks used by the drummer of Black Sabbath on his night stand, but that's all. I set my bag down and walk over to the side of the bed. I kneel down, something I've never done, and bow my head. "I know you're listening. Please help us God, please" I sigh out before opening my eyes. I stand up quickly and close the door behind me. I walk out to the boys where Dean is waiting impatiently tapping his foot. I hear the rumble of the printer as it gears up and spits out the paper. "Let's go" Dean looks at me pulling the paper out and folding it into his back pants pocket.

"Already?" I look at dumbfounded. We just decided to leave and I knew it had to be quick but Paul is still sleeping.

Dean looks at me already annoyed that I'm making him fly "Sam booked us the next flight, it leaves pretty soon" his foot taps again waiting for me.

I take a deep breath and puff it out quickly, no time waste I think to myself and nod. Dean turns around to walk out and I step behind to follow. As we are leaving Sam calls after me "Hayden, hold up!" He says. I turn to him as Dean continues out of the bunker. "Play this on the ride over"

He tosses me a cassette tape and I look down at it. I squint my eyes and look back up to the younger brother "Metallica?"

He smirks back at me "it'll help calm him" he puts on a big smile and waves. I smile back and head towards the door yet again "I'll take good care of Paul!" He yells after me before the door shuts.

As we take the drive to the airport in the impala I try whatever I can to maintain a conversation with him. All attempts are responded with a grunt of agreement or some nods. Eventually I get the hint he isn't in the mood to talk. I grab the cassette tape Sam gave me and pop it into the tape deck. Dean gives me an eery look when I do so. I ignore it and turn the volume up when the first song 'Blackened' bursts through the speaker. After a few chords Dean finally responds "Metallica?" He questions raising his eyebrows.

"Sam said it'll help" I nod along to the music.

He doesn't respond and just focuses his eyes back on the road. I ignore his obvious bad mood and tap my foot on the floor to the beat of the music. When we get to the airport we check-in quickly and wait in the short 15 minute line to get through security. We've never been so awkward together then we are right now. I try to not let it get to me, but by the time we get in our seats on the plane, I can't take it anymore. "Dean" I say firmly to him in a low tone as the stewardess begins to talk about flight safety. He doesn't look to me and his eyes stay trained on the woman. "Dean" I say again with more force. His forest green eyes stay trained a head, barely blinking. I give it one more try and I know this time he won't ignore me, because I plan on getting everyone's attention, "Excuse me, DEAN!" I holler loudly so the entire back of the aircraft can hear me. I smirk towards him when all eyes avert to us. The stewardess closest to us walks quickly towards us.

"Excuse me, is there a problem here?" She politely, in the most fake way asks us.

I look to Dean for him to answer her, knowing know he can not ignore me "No, there's not a problem" He glances towards me then smirks back towards the woman.

"Okay than" She nods with the same fake smile and briskly walks back to her position before another woman begins speaking on the intercom and they start their hand gestures again.

Dean's eyes blaze into mine with anger and frustration as he waits for me to speak "why are you being such a dick?" I ask him

His eyes grow wide "Why am I being a dick?" He repeats the question back to me leaning in closer as he tries to contain his rage. I nod to him, unafraid. He tilts his head to the side and he lets out a deep breath "there's kind of something huge riding on me here, the future of our son depends on me accomplishing something I don't think is possible, and on top of it all, we're taking a friggen plane to get there" He finishes through gritted teeth taking a deep inhale after.

"So your being a dick because I made you get on a plane?" I try to comprehend his anger towards me.

He drops his head and shakes it "I'm trying to keep it together here Hayden, there is a lot of shit going on and I'm the only one who can deal with it. I'm just ready to get this thing over with."

"says who?" I fire back

"well I am the only one who can get the mark off Paul since I'm the one who gave it to him" he tells me in a matter of fact tone.

I let a sarcastic chuckle escape my lips as I roll my eyes "and that means you have to go at it alone? You know, I'm here for you. I'm here to help you with this Dean" I let my eyes sink into his but relief or comfort does not wash over him, so I speak more "You have so many people in your corner, yet you always feel alone. What is with you? You're over thinking the possibility of failure. I know you won't fail, Sam knows you won't fail.. Castiel has faith in you.. You are the only one doubting" I lie about Castiel. I know it's better not to tell him about the doubt he shared with me.

I see something shift in his eyes "it's just a lot to handle" he opens up again. At this point the plane is pushing back and I know I need to keep him distracted. I grab his hand and squeeze it tight before he can look away "I honestly don't know if I can do this" he lowers his voice more so I can barely hear him.

"You can do anything, I've heard the stories, and I've even seen some myself" I try and pick him up but know he's starting to feel nervous as the plane takes it spot and the flight attendants take their seat. "Remember our first official date?" I try and take his mind off of his troubles with a different approach.

"The one where we were going to go dancing?" His eyebrow raises not sure where I'm going with it.

I nod my head and smile thinking back to the moment "I couldn't believe you actually danced with me outside in the middle of nowhere when it was happening. I remember thinking to myself how crazy romantic it was and how a guy like you would sure ruin it somehow"

"A guy like me?" He chuckles pulling his hand away acting offended.

"Oh you know you only wanted one thing out of that night" I smile to him laughing

He shakes his head with a big smile "absolutely not"

"Right, because sex was the farthest thing from your mind at that moment" I joke around with him.

We chuckle some more "Okay, at that point it actually was. I kept thinking how stupid I was for not looking into the place first! And then I just popped in the tape and winged it. I'm surprised it actually worked." He nods his head with a smile still on his face.

"Well, it worked damn well if you recall what happened next" I lean my head into his as the plane adjusts to the altitude.

"How could I forget" he lets his head carry my weight and leans his mouth into mine.

"Feeling better?" I ask after our lips part, his mouth tasting salty.

"A bit" he says back to me. His head leans up a little so I lift mine away. He looks out the window and then back to me "we already took off?" He seems surprised. I nod and his smile returns "that wasn't all that bad. This is already better than my last flight" He adds on.

My eyes squint "what happened then?" I ask wanting to know the story behind it.

"I'll tell you when we land" he says uneasy looking around. I nod and he kisses me on the cheek before closing his eyes and resting his head on the seat. Our fingers stay intertwined together for the duration of the flight.

When we land in Idaho we quickly get out to the curb. Along the way, Dean tells me the story about one of the first demons him and Sam ever encountered. "Alright, let me get an Uber to the motel we're staying at." I pull my phone out of my bag.

"A what?" Dean looks at me baffled

"Uber" I repeat myself while navigating the app "you really do live under a rock" I smirk finishing up getting our ride. Within a few minutes, a young man driving a Honda Fit pulls up.

"Hayden?" he rolls his window down. I smile at the man and get in the back seat. Dean's eyes adjust to caution mode as he slides in next to me.

"I don't like this" he whispers to me as the young boy pulls away from the curb "we have no weapons to protect ourselves" his fists grip together in protection mode.

"Calm down, we don't need to protect ourselves" I say back to him quickly remembering he thinks there's a threat around every corner. He keeps his fists together ready to defend us if he needs to. The young man tries to make small talk, but I think Dean's death glare scared him to shut up. We arrive to the motel and Dean gets out quickly, motioning his hand for me to get out quickly. I pay the driver and he speeds out of sight before the door even closes. "I told you we would be fine" I look at him widening my eyes at his paranoia.

"This is why I drive everywhere. We need weapons." He says before walking ahead of me to go to the front desk. I roll my eyes and follow him inside "One king" he says throwing down one of the many credit cards and a fake license to go with it.

"No problem Mr...Francis" The woman behind the counter with fake red hair says looking at the I.D. She smiles wide at Dean and bats her eyelashes, undeterred by the fact I am standing right behind him.

She turns around to get us our keys and I lean closely to whisper in his ears "Do all woman swoon after you?"

His perfect teeth glisten in the awful florescent lighting when he turns to me "you included"

"I did not swoon after you" I playfully hit him in the arm.

"You totally swooned!" He hits me back with his hip and I swing off balance to the right. As I try to regain my balance he wraps him arm around my hip and pulls me close to his side. We are laughing when the woman comes back with our keys.

"Here you go" She says directly to Dean "if there is anything" emphasis on the anything "I can do for you, let me know" she smiles again to him. Dean keeps his one arm wrapped around me and grabs the keys with the other. As he begins to turn the woman finally adjusts her eyes to mine and her smile falters into a disgusted pout. I smile back at her, unconcerned about how she feels. As he opens the door for me to exit, I walk in front of him and he slaps me on the ass. My smile grows knowing the woman saw what just happened.

We get into the room and throw our bags onto the bed. Dean goes straight to the minibar and I head for the bathroom. I turn the water on and undress. A few moments pass before I start to see the steam. I step in and let the drops wash over me. I let the shower drip through my hair and watch as the droplets fall on my feet. Two on the left, 4 on the right in a patter motion repeating itself quickly until I take a step forward interrupting its flow. There'a a knock on the door followed by a sudden breeze. "Hey, room for one more?" Dean's sultry voice lifts above the sound of the running water.

"Always" I reply back moving back under the shower head to make room for him. I turn towards the wall as he enters and begin to wash my hair. Dean's fingers are suddenly intertwined in my hair and he's massaging my scalp. I let my hands fall to the side and allow him to proceed. A few moments pass before he finishes that and grabs the bar of soap I have sitting on the ledge. He starts to lather me with it so I tilt my head back letting the bad pressured shower head rinse the shampoo from my hair.

Dean's arms wrap around me a few moments later and he whispers in my ear "Sorry. I know I can be a total ass at times."

"mmm. That's okay" I respond to him with my eyes closed, enjoying the closeness we are sharing right now.

"I'm glad you're here with me" his arms stay wrapped around me tightly "I'm so tired of doing things alone" he continues "and I'm lucky to have someone as strong as you by my side"

"you mean it?" I turn around to face him, my eyes having a hard time staying open as the water pours over them.

"of course" his right hand lifts over my face and lays softly on my cheek. He leans down and plants a tender kiss on my lips. He pulls away reluctantly, leaning back in for one more long kiss. We finish our shower together silently, enjoying the company from one another.

Within the hour we are lying in bed together, I just got off the phone with Sam and Paul is doing just fine. I turn over to face Dean after I place the phone down, "well, let's try and get some rest. We have a long couple of days ahead." I smile to encourage him.

"Yea, we do" he says back resting his head against the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. I adjust myself so I am know staring up at the ceiling along side him. I close my eyes and pray silently to a God I hope is listening.


	68. Chapter 68: Commandment

We pull up to a church that has had better years. The stained glass windows are now broken with rock holes and the exterior is painted with mold and ivory. The weeds are grown up to our knee's and there is a stained cross against the top of the church, where a real one once was. Dean stands at the edge of the sidewalk staring onto the church.

"here we go" he says out loud, his words flowing with the wind. I wait for him to take a step forward but he stays where he is. I grab a hold of his hand and begin the walk down the cracked concrete. We reach the door after 18 steps and I push it open. As both doors creak open we stare ahead, waiting to see a desolate, rotted inside. As the sun shines through the broken glass our eyes adjust to the beautiful congregation space in front of us. The pews are painted a crisp white, matching the inside pillars and walls. The wood around them are a deep mahogany, making everything around it brighter. The floor is all tile, sparkling as if it was just waxed and cleaned. We take slow steps down the isle towards the alter. The large arch window lets in more light, it beams light over the statue of Jesus on the cross that sits s on a stand behind the podium. We look at each other with confused eyes before turning them away to glare more at the beauty of this place. "Helllloo!" Dean hollers out, his voice echoes through the empty building. We wait for a response, but nothing comes. When our eyes connect we both shrug and Dean then moves around some more, his hand grasping the knife we picked up along the way. He moves over to a door that's in the back of the church and his head nods for me to follow him. I do so quietly and he pushes the door open slowly. We begin our descent down into a basement and pause whenever a stair creaks underneath our feet. Dean reaches the bottom of the stairs first and he quickly jolts his body to the right and forces the knife in front of him in fighting position. I stay where I am, knowing he doesn't want me to move into eye sight.

"What do you want?" an old voice emits from the darkness.

"We're looking for Pastor Gideon" Dean says loudly, asserting himself as powerful.

"Who else is here?" I hear a follow up question.

I look at Dean who's eyes are fighting turning to me. He wants me to stay quiet, he knows he made a mistake saying 'we're' and is ready to defend and protect me if necessary. The rational part of my brain kicks in and I remember that Dean is suppose to be there, he didn't know he would bring someone else. I step down from where I am hidden with my hands up, as to not pose a threat, "I'm Hayden. I'm Dean's girlfriend." I smile softly towards the older gentleman.

His eyes squint "no, no, Sam did not say he would be with anyone else. What are you trying to pull?" He demands.

"nothing, there was just a communication error" I stare at the man holding a shotgun. Dean's arms are still tense as the man focuses the gun on me. I keep my hands up defenseless and take a step forward.

"Stop! Stop right there!"The gun jerks forward to enforce his power.

Dean's hand jerks forward a little bit, his face contorted with anger and determination to protect us. I turn my head to Dean "It's alright, put the knife down." I tell him.

His eyes widen "no" he says flatly.

"Dean, this isn't going anywhere. We're in his church, put down the knife" I explain.

He sighs, so I know he is considering it, a few moments pass before he slowly lowers his knife.

"eh, eh, on the ground. Kick it over!" The man says as Dean was reaching to put it in his belt loop. Dean's eyes continue to bulge with anger but he does as the man says. The man slowly picks up our only form of defense while keeping the gun trained on me.

"Can we call Sam, and you can ask him all about me?" The man considers it before nodding once. Dean takes out his cell phone slowly as the man adjusts his gun back on me. He dials Sam's number and then puts it on speaker phone.

His phone rings 3 times before he picks up "what's up Dean?" his younger brother speaks up.

Dean begins to open his mouth but the man holding the gun speaks up first "Hello Sam, it's Pastor Gideon. How are you today?" his voice sounds cheery but his face does not match.

"Oh, uh, Hi.. Is everything okay?" Sam asks knowing how strange it is for someone else to be using Dean's cell.

"well not really," he begins to say "you see, you did not tell me Dean would be bringing any company, and knowing everything I know, I just can't trust everyone" he tells Sam.

"Company? You mean Hayden?" He asks with a twitch in his voice

The man nods "that seems to be her name" he adds

"Dean's girlfriend, yes, she's there to help with anything she can. Sorry I forgot to mention it" Sam apologizes.

"Well your lucky we weren't shot!" Dean hollers into the phone frustrated at his brother.

"Sorry, man" Sam apologizes again to us.

I finally speak up "look, we really want to get started on these commandment things, can we just move on now? You have our only weapon, we're defenseless." I speak to the man behind the gun.

"You two split up" he nods over to his left for me to move away from Dean. I do what he says, trusting this will all turn out okay and he walks over to me. He stands behind me and puts the gun to my back. Dean's eyes burn black, and a quick shiver runs down my spine as the memory of him being a Demon floods over me. I push the thought out of my head. "Lift up your shirt, turn around. Lift up your pant legs" the man tells Dean, making sure he is not carrying any more weapons. Dean does as he is told and shortly after the man beings to pat me down. I stand still, letting him check me for weapons and when all is said and done he finally lowers the weapon and steps back into the middle of the room "sorry about all of that, you never can be too careful. Follow me" he turns around and begins to walk away.

Dean shuffles over to me and puts his hand on my lower back "are you okay?" his eyes back to green and filled with concern for me.

I smile sincerely "yes, it's fine" I tell him honestly. He nods and we move forward following the Pastor.

The man takes a seat behind his desk, which is covered in old papers, books, and food remains. He moves some things aside by just picking them up and putting them on the floor, on top of more books and papers. We sit down on the old dusty chairs. "Sorry about all the fuss, you never can be too sure" he smiles before throwing some holy water on us. We both jerk back unexpectedly and the man puts down the flask "now we can get started." We wipe our faces off and I can feel Dean trying to remain calm and composed.

"So you are pastor Gideon?" I ask starting the introductions. He nods and puts his hand out for a handshake.

I reach mine forward and shake it firmly "Hayden, it's a pleasure to meet you" I explain.

"Pleasure's mine" He says back moving his hand to Dean. Dean does not take it, still angry with the events that just unfolded. "You must be Dean" the pastor says putting his hand down.

"Yup" Dean says impolitely. "Where should we start?" He asks wanting to jump right into things.

The man cocks his head to the side and looks at us "wasting no time, alright. Well, do you know even know all of the 10 commandments?" Dean and I shake our heads together. He sits there looking at us for a minute before opening the desk drawer and pulling out a large leather bound book.

"What's that?" Dean asks when it touches the desk.

"Ugh, the Bible son" the pastor says flatly. Dean looks at me and I smirk to him, I know he's nervous.

The man scratches his scraggly white beard before opening the book "alright, Exodus 20.." he says flipping through pages. "Here we go" he says and turns the book so it's facing Dean and I. He pushes it forward and we both lean in to read along.

"2 "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."

3 "You shall have no other gods before[] me."

4 "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."

7 "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name."

8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work,10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lordyour God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he restedon the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

13 "You shall not murder."

14 "You shall not commit adultery."

15 "You shall not steal."

16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor."

17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

18 When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance19 and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die."

20 Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."

21 The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was."

After Pastor Gideon is done speaking I turn my head to Dean whose face is as white as his knuckles from clenching them tightly. I put my hand on his shoulder and he comes back to reality and lets out a deep exhale. He looks to me and his eyes are vast with unknowing "how am I going to do this? The first one alone is a struggle for me" he tells me before turning his head to the man "there's no other way to remove the mark of Cain from a child?" He asks him.

"Afraid not" he says "I've done extensive research involving the mark once I learned Lucifer was free, for he was the first one to have control over it before putting the burden on Cain, this is the only way."

"Lucifer had the mark of Cain?" Dean asks

"Yes, only it was not called the mark of Cain until he murdered his brother. Only then did the mark manifest itself unto a human, causing darkness to run within him."

I open my mouth to ask another question "what was the mark called before then?"

The mans eyes get jut a bit darker before speaking "the translation relates loosely to.. darkness" his eyes drift away from ours.

I reach over and put my hand on Dean's knee and squeeze "we will just start somewhere else.. what commandment do you think will be easiest for you to adjust too?" I ask him looking back down at the book.

He looks down with bewilderment "I don't even know! Half of these things are part of the job. Murder, stealing.." he trails off.

"Dean.." I sigh out "you're gonna have to stop hunting while you are doing this"

"and do what instead? Sit around on my ass and dwell over all of this?" he starts to get louder.

"no, not at all. You can still do things to help, but the actual hunting part and what goes with it.. you'll never be able to truly obtain the mindset we need you to have" I explain further. "Why don't we start with something easy, you shall not steal" I say putting my finger underneath the words as I read it out loud.

Dean is looking at me again dumbfounded "Hayden, how do you expect us to live without stealing? Hunting doesn't exactly pay any bills!"

"It's alright, I've got money put away.. I can take care of us." I assure him. I am cut off from my parents financially but have been saving all of money even before that happened. I have a good amount saved that will help us out.

"whatever," Dean rolls his eyes and looks back down "okay, and how the hell am I suppose to honor my parents when they are both dead?"

"It's more than to juts honor your parents, you are not to despise or anger your parents and others in authority, but respect, obey, love, and serve them." Pastor Gideon explains to us.

"I think those 2 are good to start with!" I stand up, wanting to get Dean out of the church before he explodes. "Can we come back tomorrow Pastor?" I ask him while Dean stands up slowly.

"Yes, I recommend you do. There is a lot to go over." He says standing up after we are. "Only this time, let's use the back entrance. I don't want people seeing anyone come in and our of the church" he moves away from the desk and we follow him across the room to a back door. He opens the door and gestures for us to move past him "I'll see you tomorrow" he says.

"See you tomorrow" I say back, Dean walks ahead of me and as I follow him up the stairs I hear the door behind us close. We make our way up and Dean pushes open the cellar like doors. We walk out in silence, the bright sun burning our eyes as the adjust from the dim lit basement. We find our way to the sidewalk and when we reach the car Dean stops and looks at me "we can't even take this car.. I stole it." his eyes tired.

My mouth twists and I think for a minute "well, let's just go return it where we got it and go from there." I smile to try and lift his spirit up. He shrugs and gets in the driver side door.

After we drop the car off and walk our way back to the motel I can tell Dean is exhausted and doesn't want to talk about anything yet. He makes his way over to the bar across the street while I go back to the room and take a bath. I'm in the tub for at least 40 minutes by the time I get out and Dean still hasn't returned to the room.

I dry off and change into a pair of jeans, black tank top and a leather jacket. I make my way over to the bar. When I walk inside, everything is foggy. The bar is covered with cigarette smoke and it takes me a minute to spot him since his back is turned away from the door. But there he is, throwing darts in the back of the room with a familiar looking fake red headed female hanging on his arm, giggling way to loudly. I make my way over to him taking 2 big deep breaths, when I reach where they are standing a couch to get their attention. Dean and the bimbo turn and they both have giddy drunk smiles on their faces. "Hayddd, my main girl!" He slurs out while trying to wrap his arm around me. I slink away not allowing his arm to touch mine.

He gives me a sad pout and acts offended, but it doesn't last long because shortly after "Hayden, this is Lori.." He swings his arm to the side to introduce me to the girl from last night.

I glance in her direction but she is just staring up at Dean with drunk puppy eyes. She giggled again when he said her name. I focus my attention back to Dean "are you coming back to the room? We've got a lot of stuff to talk about" I try to remind him.

"don't be such a buzzkill. He just got hereeee, like, 5 minutesss ago." the receptionist says to me. I look behind the 2 of them at the table and notice a handful of empty shot glasses.

"He's like.. actually like, been here like, for an hour" I twirl my hair around my finger making fun of her. I know I shouldn't have but jealousy reared it's ugly head and took over me.

"rude" she says rolling her eyes and looking back to Dean "can we finish our game and get more shots?" she asks him popping her gum.

"Ya, stay and do some shots Hayden. Why don't you loosen up?" He pats on the shoulder like we're best buds. "Waitress! more shots!" he hollers over bad music.

I stand there motionless, lips pursed, trying to maintain my composure. The waitress soon returns with 3 shots glasses and I hold it in my hand. Dean and Lori cheers together and I let my glass clink theirs in the air. They take their shot of tequila. When Dean's head comes back down I speak up "you know what, you two enjoy the rest of your time together" I hand the glass over to Lori and turn away. Deans hands find my waist and twist me back around to him. My heart skips a beat but not in a good way.

"Ohh, don't be like that baby.." He coos to me leaning his head down to try and kiss me.

"Stop. Dean. Not now. Let me go" I try and wriggle free from him but can't. he keeps trying to kiss me so I slap him. I hear Lori gasp next to me and deans hands fall from my waist. I storm out of the bar and make my way back to the motel room. I begin to throw things into my bag as fast as possible. It only takes me about 2 minutes. I place the bag on the bed next to me and wait patiently for Dean to return.

I hear him opening the door a few minutes later. He unlocks the door and closes it behind him. He turns the light on and stops still when he sees me sitting there "Hayden" his voice is groggy and deep and his eyes drop down to the floor when he says my name. "I'm so stupid, I'm sorry. I deserved that slap.." he begins to take steps closer to me.

"stop" I say when his feet move and he listens. "I need to know if you're going to give this everything you have or not?" I stare at him intently. "Because if you won't, I'm taking Paul and getting far from this life." His eyes look up to mine when I say that and he looks hurt, so I continue "I love you Dean, but I'm doing what is best for my son. If you won't do this and take it seriously... he will need to grow up outside of a hunters life. And I need to know if you are going to give it everything you have or not." I end my explanation.

"I want to, I just don't think I can do it.." he speaks in a low voice.

"'I want to' isn't an answer, it's a yes or a no. I believe in you Dean, and I know you can do anything you want to do, but you get in your own way. I can't sit by and let those bad decisions get in the way of Paul's life."

"Hayden.." He says my name but nothing more.

I pick up my bag and head to the door determined. Dean stops me before I pass him "wait!" and I stop my feet. "What if I fail?" he asks.

I drop the bag at my feet and take the few steps to him "at least you tried" I say putting my hands on either side of his face lifting it up slightly so he is looking into my eyes "I didn't say you have to succeed, I said you have to try. If and only if you can't do it, then we will find another way. Together. That's the way I want to do this thing Dean, together. Can we do this together?" I ask him

"Yes" he says back. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. I lean down to pick up my bag but Dean gets it before me. "Can I put this away?" He asks. I nod once and he walks past me and places it next to the bed. He goes into the bathroom and I hear the shower turn on.

I take this opportunity and make my way back over to the bar. I find the familiar looking red head who was hanging around Dean and walk right up to her "Listen here Lori.. Dean and I are going to be here for a little while, and I'm gonna need you to back off.." I get in her drunken face.

"and if I don't?" She asks stupidly

"Trust me" I smirk "You don't want to mess with a woman's baby daddy" I blink quickly.

"Ewww" she says flatly and walks away. I head back to our room with a satisfied smile.


	69. Chapter 69: Things Have to Change

We call Sam in the morning before we leave for the church. Although Dean and I made up, there was still a lingering tension between us.

"Hey, how's it going?" I hear him ask his brother through the phone. Dean puts it on speaker phone and sets it on the table.

"We're going to need some things" Dean speaks out while slipping on his boots. I wait patiently next to the list we wrote together last night, ready to read it off.

Sam doesn't answer but we hear shuffling and I know he's getting something to write with. When the shuffling is done he finally speaks up "go ahead"

"We need ID's, with our real information on it" I speak up first.

"uhh, what?" Sam questions. Dean informed me of his "death" years ago and I knew Sam would be thinking the Sam as he did.

I slowly explain "it's actually a good thing they think he's dead. If anything happens, he is just an all new Dean Winchester. Besides" I add on "with what he is going to do, he won't be getting caught up with the police."

"Alright, what else?" Sam asks.

"Well, we are going to move into the cabin, so that has to be the address for the licenses, and we will need it to be warded for safety before we can move Paul in there with us." I explain.

"You think that's a good idea?" Sam asks "He can just stay with me here."

I rolls my eyes with a smile "you're crazy if you think we'll be living my life without him for that long"

He chuckles at my response "understandable" he responds. "Anything else?"

"Can you clean the house of any weapons?" I ask next. Dean huffs at this question, but we already discussed it. It's too risky to have these things lying around for Dean to use. If something is to happen, I'll be the one who will have to protect us.

Sam hesitates his response "uhm, everything?"

"Yea." I bite my lip before adding in my last request, it's not one we wrote down on our list and I know Dean isn't going to be happy about it. "Also, last thing for now.." I exhale quickly "you gotta do the same thing to the Impala."

"What?!" Dean stands thrown off by the last request "No way! We can't change baby!" He protests.

"We have too, you can't be driving around with all of that in your car!" I explain my reasoning to him.

"It's fine, no one's going to know. We can't just get rid of everything Hayden!" He fights me.

I look at him sternly "alright, drive the Impala with it cleaned out, or drive something else when we get back?" giving him a choice.

"fine" he returns through gritted teeth. "Leave baby alone, I'll take a car from the garage" he tells his brother over the phone "but that doesn't mean you can drive her!" He adds quickly.

"Alright" Sam says back "I'll get on it."

"How's Paul?" I ask him.

"He's good, he's right here! Say hi to mom and dad, Paul!" You can hear Sam's smile through the phone. We hear some of Paul's cooing sounds and the both of us smile.

"Hi baby. I miss you so much!" I say over the phone to my son who's continuing to coo.

Dean speaks after me "I miss you too, son. We will be back as soon as we can. Thanks again Sammy."

"Anytime. I'll call back when it's all done. Good luck" Sam hangs up the phone.

We leave after that, and take a taxi to our destination. We pull up to the creepy outside of the church and I pay the cab driver his money. After he drives away, and the street is clear, we make our way to the back entrance we emerged from the day prior. Dean opens the cellar doors and walks in front of me quickly. We walk silently through the same halls as before and make our way back into the same seats. The pastor takes off his glasses and pushes his bible towards us. Dean and I look down and re-read the 10 tasks ahead.

"Do you have questions?" He asks us after a few moments of silence.

I wait to see if Dean says anything but he doesn't, he keeps his eyes trained on the page in front of him. So I ask a question that's been lingering in my mind since last night "Do you think he can do this?"

The mans eyes adjust for a moment before he responds "Yes, I do. Through Christ, anything is possible." He pauses.

I know he wanted to say something more so I urge him to continue "but what?" I ask.

He inhales deeply before resuming "I think you are going about this in the wrong way." He opens up, Dean's head finally lifts to stare at him "You said yesterday" Pastor Gideon references to Dean, "that the first one will be hard for you, well that's where you should be starting." We look at each other confused. "You see, everything else will come easier and more natural if you just believe in God. Everything you are fighting against, you will find peace and love within Him." He says.

"How am I suppose to believe that after all the horrible things I've seen.. or the horrible things I've done.." He trails off looking at me, pain resurfacing from within. He looks away from me, blinking hard as his eyes almost well with tears "that I can be forgiven."

Pastor Gideon smiles and says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9."

"just like that? It's that easy?" Dean asks skeptically. Pastor Gideon nods and Dean shrugs "I don't even know where to begin trying to believe.. How do I do that?" He asks sitting closer to the desk, waiting for an answer he can accept.

I also sit up a bit closer waiting for the answer. I've confessed my sins in the past, but only during our darkest times. When I had to use my blood to bring back Dean. I may have confessed all my sins, but did I truly believe God was the one to forgive them? I don't know.

"Well, start by saying this prayer when you wake up in the morning, and when you go to bed at night.." He rifles through some papers on his desk and hands Dean a ripped piece of paper with scribbled writing on it.

Dean reads it aloud "Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me and dying on the cross for my sins. I want to know You personally. I invite You into my life as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for forgiving me of all my sins and for the gift of eternal life. Help me to grow close to You in this new life You've given me."

"And when you say it, try and say it with your heart, not just your words. You've prayed before, yes?" He asks Dean. Both of us nod our heads vertically for a yes. "See, you have faith already.. You are just blocking it. You are holding it in, afraid of what will happen when you finally let go and let Him take control." He explains "But watch what happens when you do.."

Dean slouches back into the chair and puts his eyes back onto the piece of paper. We sit there in silence for a few minutes before Pastor Gideon speaks up again "now, you have covered 3 of the commandments, would you like to go over one more today before you leave here?" He asks us.

I look to Dean for his answer, I don't know if it will be too much for him or not. He doesn't answer but instead looks to me. I shrug my shoulder slightly "we only have 2 more days to visit him, I think we should."

Dean nods his head as if to agree and turns his attention back to the bible "sure" is what I think I heard him say under his breath. He looks back up and between the two of us shortly after "what about, Thou shalt not commit adultery.. that's easy enough, we're not married" He smirks to me. I give him a not pleased look and he adds on "I wouldn't cheat on you married or not married."

I give him a satisfied tight lip smile. He squeezes my hand softly and the smile loosens. I trust Dean, I know he wouldn't cheat on me.

Pastor Gideon sighs "ahhh, yes.. but there is more to it then that.." his head cocks to the side. "This commandment is more than just forbidding the acts of adultery, it also includes fornication."

My head turns to Dean, understanding what he is trying to say, but I can tell Dean isn't follow. I hold on to his hand a little tighter "meaning?" Dean finally asks.

"Meaning there should be no sex between unmarried people.." He trails off, sensing the tension rising off Dean.

"of course." Dean says. "That'll be fun" he says to me sarcastically.

"There's a few more things that fall under this commandments umbrella." The Pastor informs us. Dean just stares ahead and waits for the list. "there is a longer list you can look into yourself, but I will give you the two others most men struggle with..There is no pornography, and no masturbation."

Deans head shakes a little before speaking "alright then. There's a lot to work on between yesterday and today.. I think we've covered enough for today.." His hand releases mine and he stands up. We say our goodbyes and make our way back to the motel.


	70. Chapter 70: More Prayers

When we get back to the room Dean heads straight for the shower. I grab a beer from the mini fridge and take a seat at the table.

Dean walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist "looks like there will be a lot more cold showers in my near future" He says turning towards the mirror. He begins to clean out his ears and I kiss him on the cheek before shutting the door and showering myself.

When I exit the shower, Dean has his buried in his laptop, leaning against the headboard. I throw on a t-shirt and brush out my hair. When I'm finished I turn around and he is still starting intently at the screen. "What are you looking at?" I finally ask him after standing there for a few moments.

"Huh?" He looks up oblivious to me standing there. I roll my eyes with a smile and turn my attention to my almost empty beer. "Now, how can you do this to me?" He smirks putting the laptop to the side.

I look to him confused "what?" I ask.

"Come out here like that when you know what the Pastor said" he smiles sitting up, inching towards the end of the bed.

I look down examining myself "I'm wearing one of your old t-shirts and just got out the shower" unsure of what he is talking about.

"Ya, exactly. The sexiest look ever.." He smiles pulling me on top of him. I giggle as I fall onto him and our lips meet. We kiss for a bit longer before he pulls away first. I sit up on top of him and give him a weary look. "We can't.." He looks me in the eyes, pushing a lose strand of hair behind my eyes.

"Dean Winchester, are you shooting me down?" I act appalled, putting a hand to my chest as if I'm in shock. "Come on, one more time?" I wink to him, eager to have some fun.

"It's not easy," he rubs his hands up and down my thighs giving me goosebumps, standing his ground.

I perk up just a bit with a thought and spit it out "well, why don't we just get married. Then we can have all the sex we want" I suggest flirtatiously.

"Hayden" He hums my name with a simple smile, denying the idea.

"I mean it." I defend my thought "we already have a baby. We live together, it's just a piece of paper at this point."

"Hey, hey hey.. don't you do that." He sits up, moving me off of his body and on the other side of his legs.

"What?" I ask

"think that it's just a piece of paper." He responds instantly.

"Well, I know you are not really into marriage.." I trail off not knowing what else to say about it. Besides the one time he joked with me, we never actually talked about it. I mean, after I figured out what type of guy Dean was, I knew marriage was going to be something I probably wouldn't have with him, and I came to grips with that. Mostly when we got pregnant with Paul.

His eyes widen "when did I ever say that?"

I shrug "I just assumed.." I trail off again.

"Well it's a wrong assumption.." He leans closer to me "I've thought about marriage before..I've thought about being married to you." He leans in further so we simply peck each others lips.

"So, why don't we just do it then?" I shrug, unsure now why he doesn't want to, feeling self-conscious.

He smiles "because you deserve better then us being married so we can have sex."

I feel my cheeks blush in embarrassment. Just when I think I knew everything there was to know about this man, he shows me another layer. I nod my head in response and he gives me a kiss on the forehead before standing up "where are you going?" I ask him.

He turns to me before opening the door "going to buy me a bible."

"You know, there's one in the drawer, over there." I point to the dresser side table on the side of the bed where I sleep.

He nods "yah well, I can't steal that one when we leave so I have to go and get my own" He smiles.

"Right." I laugh back and he leaves the room.

Dean gets back to the room an hour later and has one bag in his hands. He takes out two books and places them on the table "got one for you too" He points to the turquoise one with designed page edges.

"Thanks" I say reaching over to grab it, I flip through the pages and he just stares at his.

He sighs out "okay, it's about time we get out of here and get something to eat. Let's go!" He holds out his hand for me to take it.

I do and we walk out of the room together "where are we going?" I ask as we begin walking down the road.

"On a date" he responds. I give him a side glance. "We haven't been on a real date probably since Paul has been born. Who knows when else we will get the chance to go out just you and me again?" He tells me. We walk for another 10 minutes before we get to a little shopping center. He walks me into a little bistro tucked in the corner of the mall and we are seated instantly. Dean takes the seat next to me, opposed to across and we share a menu.

When dinner arrives we find ourselves talking about Paul and how much we miss him.

"God, when did we become so old?" I ask him taking a sip of my wine.

"Hey, watch it. Don't use that name in vein!" Dean jokes. I try and give him a serious look but can't hold it for long before both of us are laughing.

"It's not funny" I say in between a breath.

"I know, it's not.. but it is.. I'm sorry." He says in between his and we laugh for a few minutes longer.

After dinner the sun is almost set and we walk slowly back to our room. When we get there, I get ready for bed. I want to take full advantage of sleep while I can. Dean sits on the chair, reading over the piece of paper the pastor gave to him. "Hey, you want to come to bed?" I ask once I'm settled under the covers.

"Nah, not yet." He says without looking up.

"You want me to say it first?" I ask him sitting up, turning the light back on next to me. He shrugs, with his forest green eyes still focused.

"bring it here" I whisper out to him and he does. He takes a seat next to me and I grab the piece of paper. I bow my head down and close my eyes. I take a few deep breaths before opening my eyes, letting them focus only on the words ""Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me and dying on the cross for my sins. I want to know You personally. I invite You into my life as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for forgiving me of all my sins and for the gift of eternal life. Help me to grow close to You in this new life You've given me. Amen"

I wait for Dean to say something, but he doesn't. I lift my head up slowly and see tears falling down his face. I let my hand wipe one away and rest on his jaw "I'm so afraid" he whispers out.

"you can do this Dean" I respond back to him with encouragement. "give it all up.." I add on "you don't have to carry it alone anymore"

Dean takes the piece of paper from in front of me and reads off of it slowly ""Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me and dying on the cross for my sins." He chokes up but continues "I want to know You personally. I invite You into my life as my Lord and Savior." Tears roll down my face as my eyes close and I listen to him pray. "Thank You for forgiving me of all my sins and for the gift of eternal life. Help me to grow close to You in this new life You've given me. Amen." He finally gets out the ending.

We stay there quietly on the bed, our hands intertwined with tears streaming down our face. I'm not sure how long, but I finally fall asleep with my head on his lap.


End file.
